There are so many reasons to love San Francisco. The diversity of lifestyles, the activism, the creativity, the architectural aesthetics, the cosmopolitan feel of these 7 by 7 square miles. Though one thing I do miss about Southern California is the sight of bare skin on a sunny day. Thankfully I live in a part of the city that gets great weather. But I miss seeing the nicely tanned, bare legs of girls in cute summer outfits strolling down the sidewalk. The other day I was in the Castro. I dig this neighborhood because I can wear less without anyone caring. Yet even here there can be judgment. I was enjoying people-watching one day when a couple walked by on the street. The young woman was dressed rather daringly in little short shorts that revealed the beginning curve of her buttocks. After they passed, I noticed several other onlookers making faces of disapproval and laughing -- one guy with tattoos all over his arms and stretched out ear holes, as well as a couple of grungy butch girls. I bet if the boyfriend had been the one wearing the short shorts, nobody would have thought twice. It's ironic that those with counterculture style would act almost puritanically to an inkling of vanilla hoochiness. I suppose that sexiness without some sort of edge can get a little boring. But when the alternative simply becomes another uniform, then it's lost its point!

I had the pleasure of meeting Mistress Jessica Kane while playing at the Wicked Garden in Los Angeles. I was just browsing Max Fisch and saw that she has recently had serious medical issues come up and is in need of some community support. To see Mistress Gemini's posting on how to help, click here. Sending good vibes from up north. . .

I would like to pay homage to Mistress Clarissa, who recently retired from professional domination after over 3 years at The Gates. She will be sorely missed (pun intended!). More than anyone, Clarissa was there for me when I first started at The Gates. I not only got to sit in and observe her sessions. She went over and above what was customary by encouraging me to actively participate in those scenes, and generously shared some of her tribute with me for my involvement. That initial training and support laid the foundation for my growth as a domina. And she and I sure did have some fun double sessions together! I wish her the best of luck in all of her pursuits. I am sure with her irreverent sense of humor, quick wit and saucy style, she will make waves where ever she goes.

Friday the 13th! I just had to post something ;-) Have a lovely weekend. . .

The SM-themed film "The Secretary" was playing on the TV and I caught a few snippets between sessions. I've seen this movie before, and it never fails to impress me with its cleverness, sensitivity and humor, as well as the excellent performances. What I particularly like is how well it captures some of the underlying personal idiosyncrasies which often form the foundation of one's kinky lifestyle. There are some nice spanking scenes that certainly got my attention. And despite the fact (or perhaps because?) there are no real explicit sex scenes, I found it to be quite titillating. Repressed passion can be truly arousing. That's what I love about old films like "It Happened One Night," where the sexual tension is almost palpable. I can get so much more worked up watching these old-fashioned tales of courtship, romance and betrayal -- the forbidden and the taboo, and all those unspoken rules. The almost clinical dramatizations of intercourse I sometimes see in modern Hollywood movies often seems out of place. I say leave the rutting to movies with a triple X. They do it better anyway!

Hello everyone.  Yes, I know it's been a while.  I've been taking a summer vacation from the computer.  Just got back from an extended meditation retreat which was awesome.  Heading to LA for a few days now.  Sorry, I won't be taking any sessions while down there.  Just a quick trip to say hi to friends and family, as it's been too long. 

I finally checked out Nick Broomfield's documentary of the New York house of domination Pandora's Box.  It's called "Fetishes" and was filmed in '96.  Broomfield seems to have a fascination with powerful women, evident in his other documentaries on Heidi Fleiss (her father was my pediatrician growing up - small world), Courtney Love and serial killer Aileen Wuornos.  Overall, I found it a well-balanced and entertaining portrayal.  Really, every pro domme is so different, there is no template of personality-type or look.  Yet somehow, my own level of contentment and inherent kinkiness did not seem to be reflected in any of the Mistresses featured.  We each have our own reasons for doing this.  Though I do think some come to it as a more natural progression in their personal evolution.  It was interesting to see the inside workings of another session house.  For myself, I feel quite fortunate to have The Gates as a playspace (and it's probably not a coincidence that some of my favorite subs are those who have been coming here regularly for many years).  Sayonara for now. . . 

For those looking to play at the tail end of the week, I will be making a rare Friday night appearance at The Gates on the 11th (3-10pm).

My entries may get a bit more scarce these upcoming summer months. If you are new to my blog, do make sure to check out my archives for some provocative reading.

I have become more interested in the crossroads where the sacred and the erotic meet. I want to share the following text, recently sent to me, from the Saktisangama Tantra. The words are beautiful and true.

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Woman is the creator of the universe,
the universe is her form;
woman is the foundation of the world,
she is the true form of the body.

Whatever form she takes,
whether the form of a man or a woman,
is the superior form.

In woman is the form of all things,
of all that lives and moves in the world.
There is no jewel rarer than woman,
no condition superior to that of woman.

There is not, nor has been, nor will be
any destiny to equal that of woman;
there is no kingdom, no wealth,
to be compared with a woman;
there is not, nor has been, nor will be
any holy place like unto a woman.

There is no prayer to equal a woman.
There is not, nor has been, nor will be
any yoga to compare with a woman,
no mystical formula nor asceticism
to match a woman.

There are not, nor have been, nor will be
any riches more valuable than woman.

OK all technical difficulties have been solved. I admit I used all these hassles as an excuse to get offline for the past week. It's great to get out of the matrix and into the real world, especially with the beautiful weather we've been having. In fact, I think I'll jump back out right now. . .

More email issues! It appears that some of the replies I've recently sent out did not go through. If you have sent me a message in the past week or so and did not receive a response from me, please try again.

FYI - I cannot access my email right now as I am experiencing some technical difficulties

From Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual:

"While the actual training of a slave encompasses the total person, the sine qua non of a service-oreinted submissive is the correcti attitude. Different roles may dictate different training techniques, but all slaves -- and dominants, too, for that matter -- should cultivate an attitude of mindfulness.

For our purposes, mindfulness may be defined as an over-arching awareness of one's person, surroundings, and circumstances. It is a gentle attention, focused but not forced. Many spiritual traditions recommend sitting, chanting, or other forms of meditation to awaken the mindful state. For the slave, it is dharma yoga, the pursuit of one's true vocation, that is the path to mindfulness. A slave's mindfulness should encompass his physical body, his mental awareness, his emotional state, and insofar as it is possible, the physical, mental, and emotional state of the dominant and any other person in trhe environment.

This is not to say that slave must be clairvoyant or an empath; he must first cultivate self-awareness, and under tutelage, awareness of the dominant's needs and wishes."

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I was just looking through Eros Guide Los Angeles as I know quite a few dominas are down there right now for DomCom. Beyond who was visiting, one thing that I noticed was how many of the local LA ads start off with the pro domme's measurements, height and hair color. Though none of the ads for the more established and well-known Angelena dommes (e.g. Goddess Sativa, Mistress Jessica Kane, Mistress Denee) include this information, there are still quite a few ads that do. Whereas in San Francisco, very few of the ads do so -- at least if you are referring to pro dommes rather than escorts. Interesting how it can be so culturally different from north to south. Certainly, I list my measurements on my site for those who are so inclined to care. Yet I can't imagine listing it as the most prominent information on the ad that first draws people to me. I suppose that speaks mainly to my desire to connect on more than simply the level of physical attraction. I want to play with your mind too :-)

FYI I just got back from out of town, so I have a backlog of emails I haven't responded to yet. Patience! ;-)

Damn! The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is cancelled for this year. And all because of the scandal over Janet's bejeweled breast during the Superbowl. Now they're really raining on my parade. Here's a link to the story- http://entertainment.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=155285

Last year's was one of the best things I caught on television. It's true, it was basically soft porn on network TV. But great for the grown-ups :-)

Now what really saddens me is the reaction of the National Organization for Women (NOW), whose spokesperson praised the cancellation and hoped it was permanent -- ostensibly because the show objectified women. "We're concerned young women think they have to look this way," she said.

I am a feminist, but the viewpoint of NOW actually offends me. The underlying message is that women are not strong enough to think for themselves, that we are all helpless victims of the media.

There is a streak of almost victorian prudishness that runs through this line of traditional feminist thinking. As if women cannot simply be turned on by watching sexy scantily-clad women prance down a runway, the same as men. This type of feminism also only sees the hetero point of view, where female bisexuality can only be a male fantasy.

That's why in college my feminist friends (both male and female) and I insisted on adding the adjective "sex-positive" before the label. Sex-positive feminism. To differentiate from the stereotype of the man-hating, anti-sex prude -- which sadly, is perpetuated by the National Organization for Women.

FYI - I will be unavailable this Friday the 16th.

I've got some nice feedback on the new pics. The poses are all vintage cheesecake style, the 50s pin-up look -- a nice change of pace. And now you can see how long my hair's grown out :->

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On a more serious note, I wanted to address the use of cuckoldry in my scenes. I recall seeing a thread on Max Fisch where many dommes and subs had the misconception that this type of play must entail explicit sexuality on the part of the Mistress. The attitudes expressed seemed so close-minded to me that I didn't bother to post my own thoughts on the matter (If after all the warnings and clarifications on my site, people still think I'll engage in explicit activities with my body, then you are just not listening!)

This is how cuckoldry works for me. By putting it out there as an interest, I have drawn some men who have been cuckolded in real life or have fantasies about it. In such a scene, I would draw out this fantasy/reality through a seductively probing interrogation, finding the juiciest tidbits in their perverted little heads and using that information to teasingly humiliate them. It is often integrated into the training of a slave to be a slut, as their cuckolded state is perfect for erotic submission, receptivity and service; e.g. cuckolds can make great cock-suckers :-)

Now I do think that past real-life experiences of cuckoldry can be really hot after the fact. Those currently experiencing real-life cuckoldry in a safe, sane and consensual manner are also in a good place. But no, I do not directly engage in cuckoldry. Sad but true: I do not allow slaves to watch me have sex, or clean up after the mess. And please, don't even think about verbally expressing your fantasies of having me cuckold you. I'll talk about how your girlfriend/wife/lover cuckolds you, but I won't play the part. I am your Mistress, and for me that means I am your slave/animal/slut trainer. And as far as I'm concerned, that's a pretty nice part to work with ;-)

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Here is something I wrote up two years ago, literally two days after I started at The Gates. You'll see that from the very beginning I was enthusiastically envisioning my own dominion of rule. I called it Ode to My Slaves and it is still quite representative of how I feel. Enjoy :-)

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I will invade your senses with my rapturous presence. Your every movement, every breath will be mine. And I will bathe in the sweetness of your surrender. So incredibly lost in the delirium of my powers, you will be in my thrall. I will whisper in your dreams and fill them with dark pleasures.

The tantalizing flavor of perfection – torturously within reach yet utterly unattainable. Enslaved in your perversions, I shall exorcise your demons with my sadistic ways. For I too know what it is like to live in a world that does not understand.

We shall dance in damnation. Rebirth through destruction. A catharsis of your shame. Beautiful tears will show me your undying devotion. For I am your goddess above all else, who knows your pain and your joy. I will make you weep with both.

Take my hand. Do not be afraid. For the path is fresh and the hope is bright.
We will journey to a new world of possibilities. You will breathe in its luxuriance. Bask in its glow. And remember again what it means to be alive.

I recently picked up two books with the following provocative titles: Jane Sexes It Up: True Confessions of Feminist Desire and Gynomite: Fearless, Feminist Porn. On the back cover of the first: "Is there a group accused more than feminists of categorically hating sex? In this anthology, that myth is put to bed in nineteen different ways." -- Jennifer Baumgardner, coauthor of Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism and the Future. Indeed, the other F-word still seems to make many men and women cringe. For instance, I've been working on retooling my Eros ad to target the most suitable applicants to add to my premium stable of slaves. As I've been refining the new text, I've been bouncing potential themes off friends for input. One of the words I wanted to use to describe myself is feminist, yet it seems that most think this would be a real turn-off. Though I'm not one to back down easily, I also don't want to simply attract subs who are into man-hating dominatrixes. Because that's really not what I'm all about. I love people -- men, women and in between. But I do like to have fun turning stereotypes of gender and power on their head in an erotically charged and highly controlled (by me! ;-) environment.

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Tera Patrick was recently in town and I had thought about seeing her show. Now she's never been one to put out much heat in her performances, so as a consumer of porn she's never been one of my favorites (Belladonna is my current fav. Tori Wells was the best ever). Yet as someone else involved in the erotic professionally, I cannot fault her for not being able to look comfortable or excited having sex on screen -- as it seems to take a certain personality type and a lot of inner strength to be able to truly enjoy it. But I'd always thought she was the most beautiful of the X-rated talent out there. Of course, I'm probably biased because she is eurasian like me. How could you not be taken by a 5'9" exotic, voluptuous amazon of a woman? So it came as a real shock to me to open up the Spectator and see pictures of her sporting gigantic breast implants. This woman had DD natural breasts and a perfectly proportioned body. Now she looks top-heavy and plastic. And it just makes me sigh and ponder what lesson can be learned from such self-defacement. In the end, it seems another sign of the dangers of self-dissolution in the glare of the public eye. Perhaps these media figures who seem addicted to body modification are attempting to regain control of their image, the same images that have been commodified and set free into the public domain.

One of the lovely ladies at The Gates loaned me "Tough Guys: Stirring Stories of Rock Hard Sex." The book is a collection of rough trade stories -- a genre of gay male erotica revolving around the fantasy of a cruel, strong and violent straight male top who sexually uses and abuses the "faggot" bottom. Not exactly the most politically correct theme, but all the more reason it's hot! Beyond the obvious thrill of the erotic, what I liked about these stories was the perspective of the outsider. The sexual outlaw who endures name-calling and worse, yet still maintains his dignity. In one tale, a couple is harassed by baseball bat-wielding homophobes. After this scary run-in, the top laughs it off rather than giving in to negativity. No matter what, he never lets himself get thrown off his game.

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I love how things converge. I was perusing a dear friend's old fetish magazines and came across Skin Two issue 14. In it I found an article on Trash -- erotic performance artist and male impersonator extraordinaire -- looking twistedly sexy with a big rubber black cock hanging between her legs and elaborately drawn mustache, goatee and sideburns. The piece was published in 1993 and that same year I met Trash after one of her shows. I had tagged along with a girlfriend and we had dinner with Trash. I admit being a bit of a clueless college kid at the time and couldn't think of anything to say to this amazing drag king. But I did write about her for my school newspaper. Though overt kinkiness was still at the periphery of my life, I was on to something even then. Another college memory: me walking up and down rows of student artwork and freezing in front of one particular canvass. Before me stood the image of a beautiful hermaphrodite. "Wow. Different. Sexy." The seeds were being planted.

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I cross-dressed myself for a scene with one of my loyal slaves the other day. It was my first time to do so professionally and what a blast! I dressed in a tight, sheer white "wifebeater" tank top, y-front undies (in the style of the horribly nick-named "tighty whities" but these were two-tone mesh from victoria's secret) packing a "soft cock" dildo and leather pants. My hair was slicked and tied back. We had an elaborate gender and power-bending roleplay where I was initially pretending to be a gay prettyboy bottom seeking a professional master. When the pro dom shows a complete inability to top, I turn the tables on him and turn him into my slut. In the end, my true identity as a femme domme is revealed when I take off my masculine attire to shower the slave with my piss.

A quick note to all of you out there -- you know who you are -- who have been so generous and thoughtful with your gestures of gratitude and appreciation. They came at just the right time and mean a lot to me.

I have am the proud owner of a new electroplay unit -- ErosTek 302R (good job slave m!). It has dual channels so the electrodes can be placed on two different locations. What really made me choose this particular model is that it operates via remote control. The source box is small enough to be hidden on the submissive's body. Then all I have to do is press the buttons on the keychain remote and voila! I also indulged in several attachments for diversity of play including elastic bands for wrapping around the cock and balls, as well as a glove and sticky pads. If you are interested in exploring this type of play, do let me know in advance so I can bring the ER 302R to The Gates for our session. Important note: never use TENS unit or other electrical devices (other than the violet wand) above the waist. I'd had people want to put the electrodes on their nipples and in general, this is not a good idea. Just follow the rules, and the sensations can be amazing. . .

I see myself as a natural at what I do because of how I came to be a domina. It really was a convergence of many different aspects of my life, all of them leading to this direction. These forces included my passion for the erotic, my fascination with strong sensation, my enjoyment of unique fashions and my identification as a feminist.

In terms of the erotic, I have been a consumer of pornography since I was a teenager. I used to read those cheap smut novels. I even thought I might end up writing the stuff for a living. And dirty magazines were pretty easy to find. So from an early age I was seeing the sexual from the point of view of the male gaze -- traditionally, the one who dominates and penetrates.

Strong sensations have also been an integral part of my life. As a small child, I always had to have my swing. Then later on it was roller coasters. I guess you could say I've always been a thrill-seeker. Now I have SM play. I recently got pulled into a public scene for the first time. From the moment I laid hands on the sub, I felt this incredible rush starting from the top of my head. It's truly an amazing feeling.

How I really got started with this scene is through the fashion. As a pansexual polyamorist, I had been attending events with an alternative theme for some time. It was through these gatherings that I met a handful of gorgeous women who were dressed in the most outrageously fabulous outfits. They often wore wigs and very high platforms, with strangely restrictive fabrics that altered their walk and gave them an otherwordly quality. It turned out that they were fetish models wearing latex rubber couture and the like. I was inspired and began accumulating my own fetish wardrobe. And this was how I first met and mingled with professional dominas.

By the time I was in junior high, I had already identified myself as a feminist. So issues of power and gender have always been important to me. Though I now find many of the stances of organizations like NOW (National Organization for Women) to be faintly archaic, I continue to use the term feminist because it lets others know that I do not follow conventionally accepted mores in the male-female social dynamic. I also see a large part of what I do as revealing to men what has traditionally been women's role by guiding them in the direct experience of being submissive, receptive and masochistic. I admit that feeling misunderstood because of false perceptions of me based on my gender fueled the flames of anger in me. Coming into my own as an SM dominant allowed me to transform that rage into calculated cruelty. Now, I do not strike out in anger. Rather, there is gratitude in my heart for the suffering my slaves offer me. I honor them for their courage -- the kind of courage women have had for a long time.

So where I am now makes perfect sense. It's a natural evolution of the many paths I have explored. And it is what gives me a commanding grace and intuition when I am at my best.

I know that some of you out there have been having a hard time getting a follow-up appointment with me, as I have been quite busy lately. In an effort to make myself more available to those who have seen me before, I have lowered my visibility to potential new clients by taking down some of my advertising. Of course, new worthy slaves are always welcome. But the focus for now will be on those in on-going slave training regimens.

One of my favorite artists is Michael Manning. He recently launched his own site at www.thespidergarden.net, named after his first graphic novel. He is local to the Bay Area, his work closely associated with the Fetish Diva Midori (his illustraton of her is well known from her business cards and website) and Madam S (on their t-shirts, flyers as well as exhibited on their walls).

"Artist and writer Michael Manning's style is intelligent and libidinal at the same time, a curious mix of fine art, Japanese manga, science fiction, and high fantasy. . . Manning's signature mixture of omnisexual groupings of women, men, mixed genders, and machines. Throughout his work, Manning's imagery conveys a very personal mythology, a direct route to his deepest fantasies about our relationships with machines, bodies, and power." (HotWired '95)

His imagery is sumptuous, at times almost delirious in its sensual detail. It teases one with provocative dualities: at once organic/mechanistic, human/animal, male/female, light/dark, pain/pleasure... The organic element can be seen in the use of webs, tendrils and pervasive, fluid-like bondage, as well as the actual setting of water and garden. For me, I am particularly drawn to the Androgyne character -- a hermaphroditic dream come true who rules over this ethereal and erotic landscape.

His latest work is the In a Metal Web series (books I and II). I am the proud owner of both novels, signed and given to me by the artist. Look out for local domina Reina Aurora, who is featured in these stories. These beautifully drawn tales will expand your imagination with tantalizingly twisted images. Step into the garden and enjoy your visit!

If you have not seen it yet, I highly recommend the film Dangerous Beauty (1998) -- one of my absolute favorites. Here is an excerpt from a review:

"16th-century Venice, most women would either be wives, nuns or prostitutes.

A very fortunate, select few might become courtesans.

These beautiful women were schooled in all social graces as well as poetry, literature, music, politics and philosophy. They were the only women who were allowed to be a man's equal in public and in private.

Dangerous Beauty is the story of Veronica Franco, the most famous courtesan of her day. She entered the history books not because she beguiled the aristocracy of Venice but because she defied the Catholic Church.

How Franco found herself the subject of a witch-hunt and a landmark trial is one of the sub-plots of Dangerous Beauty, a sumptuous melodrama."
--from the Calgary Sun

So many themes hit upon in this film struck a chord with me. And that was true from the first time I watched it in the theaters several years ago, when I was still working in an office and doing "normal" work. I could relate to the main character's struggle to be recognized as a full-fledged, multi-dimensional human being, beyond the limiting categories of gender and social status. To be regarded not simply as an attractive accessory to men, but as someone who could stand on her own through the strength of her intelligence, skills, creativity and spirit. And at the same time, to celebrate the sensual without apologies for the fact that it is both pleasurable and profitable. And then there are the timeless forces of oppression: here in the form of the Inquisition, which thinks it has an easy target in this fiercely passionate and beloved woman. Well, that's about all I'll say. Go see it for yourself!

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In many ways, I came well prepared when I embarked upon my career in professional domination. Yet one thing that did catch me off guard were the online review sites. It was strange to realize that anyone could surreptiously rate me as we scened together. In fact, one of the most high profile dommes in the area told me she was glad she retired before this process got rolling. For a brief time, I was a bit overly suspicious of certain types and uneasy at the thought that I was being spied upon (It also didn't help that a Seattle escort also named Xia was getting mixed up with me on one site. It took several emails to straighten this out and get my profile to accurately reflect the activities I do and do not get into!).

But I've made my peace with this system as best as I can. I understand people's desire to be as informed as possible. And while I find their typical tone to be on the disrespectful side, I think that can be attributed to the reviewer wanting to save face in front of his peers. After all, it's a rare day that most men would openly and publicly submit to a woman. I find it especially interesting that reviews rarely mention feminization, which is a fairly common form of domination -- particularly in concert with slut training, which is one of my specialities.

In the end, I cannot imagine anyone who sees me on a regular basis writing a review without consulting me. So the kind of person that would write a review without my knowledge is by definition going to be someone with whom I did not really connect with in the scene. The beauty of professional domination is that there are so many amazing women out there, all with their own unique take on things. And I certainly do not claim to be the right fit for everyone, nor do I desire to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Those who have taken the time to read my personal website and correspond with me know what I'm all about. If you are just looking at my photos and hoping to fulfill some Asian/Eurasian domme fetish, you will probably be disappointed as I do not easily fit into stereotypes. With a little homework, it's not hard to ascertain whether there is compatibility there.

It's really all a part of a larger trend. There's now a site called RateMyProfessors.com for college students to rate their instructors. I wouldn't be surprised if we get sites devoted to reviewing doctors, therapists, hair stylists and the like. Some say that the days of private interaction are fast coming to an end, what with the internet and other pervasive technologies. And so it goes. . .

I just had the most gratifying exchange with one of my long-time submissives. He thanked me for progressively challenging him in his slave training. He said his explorations have influenced the other aspects of his life, inspiring him to tackle work and lifestyle issues with a new perspective. This is what it's all about for me. Truly making a positive impact!

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Props to Mistress Naughtia, who I ran into the other night, for so graciously allowing me to have a bit of sadistic fun with her slaveboy. I was giddy from it! :-)

Hello everyone, I'm back. I haven't had DSL access for the past week, so I'm just catching up with emails.

I've been asked a few times by concerned individuals if I get to screen those who come to serve me. Actually, my website acts as a very good filter. Ever since I put it up over a year ago, I've consistently seen people whose interests and philosophy match my own. It's a self-selecting process in that you read over my detailed explanations of my approach and it either jibes with your own or you move on. It would behoove most people to do their homework before going to the trouble of coming in for an appointment, so it's the rare day that I have a complete disconnect from the get-go. Occasionally, someone will come in who has read over my site but misinterprets some part of it. Even that experience is helpful, as afterwards I'll usually tweak my site to make my message more exact. In fact, I am constantly revising my site to fit my continually evolving style. So if you haven't read through it in a while, take another look. I also exchange emails with many potential submissives. What I write in this blog adds yet another dimension to it. And the receptionists are great at steering callers in the right direction, referring to our list of preferences as well as checking with us personally when possible.

Happy V-Day if you're into the hallmark holidays. Today, I'm celebrating Friday the 13th!

I met a very sexy, very passable TS at a nightclub recently. She's so beautiful and photogenic that she's even done modelling as a woman. She likes to go out on dates with conservative businessmen, string them along for a while, then never put out -- because she never tells them she is not a biological woman! I don't condone her deception, but I can understand where she's coming from. When they think she's the "real thing," they are falling all over themselves to be with her. If they find out the truth, it's an entirely different matter. She says she's waiting for the trans-op technology to get even better. That in the decade or so that she's been taking hormones, every year she sees others come back from Thailand with more realistic looking and pleasurable feeling vaginas. It's like we're on pussy version 8.5 now! One reason she doesn't tell her suitors is that she wants to leave open the possibility of rekindling the romance after her surgery, with them none the wiser.

I've been to vanilla dance parties where the most outrageously sexy women there are actually transsexuals. When I see these totally clueless guys start to drool, I can't help but smile. I know this is wicked, but I love that look on their face when they find out the truth. What a gender bend ;-) Though in the end, it's often the women who are most unfriendly and unaccepting of a TS. I guess it's that feeling of not being able to compete. What made a difference for me was reading TS porn star Vanity's interview in Spectator -- how she just wanted to be loved and didn't understand why women hated her when they found out she had a cock. After that, I went up to her at a party and told her I appreciated what she'd said. She is a special person, super hot and really sweet.

I was proud of a couple of my guy friends the other night for clubbing it with me and another hot lady who happens to be a TS. These are beefy, sports-watching kind of guys who a few years ago would have been ashamed to openly associate with a transsexual (though not surprisingly, they've both made their share of trips to the Power Exchange and Divas for surreptitious play). So even though they knew what was between her legs, they just didn't care what people thought. I think that's so healthy. Every little subculture has these weird rules and no-no's. Even while they exude a sense of being anti-establishment and rebellious cool, there's judgment and the need to exclude. The last time I tried to be in the the "in" crowd was 7th grade. Since then, I've been content with the real outcasts and outsiders. She and I were dancing together and got hit on by this couple who were like, "Are you two lesbians?" What a fun, twisted world we live in. I like to joke that one day they'll be able to grow my clit into a cock over in Thailand. . . then again I think I'd miss my meow!

Turning the personal into professional requires delicacy and awareness, whether one is an artist, writer, actor, dominatrix or any other vocation that involves baring one's soul. The balance of sharing something truly special with those who seek it, while at the same time keeping some things private, and also being mindful of practical matters. It's the challenge of creating a truly meaningful connection within a commercial context. These very challenges are part of what gives it an edge.

I was procrastinating studying for my anatomy test the other day. Could you tell by all my random mini-entries? ;-) I'm excited to be exploring the sciences right now. Before, I used to be quite biased towards the humanities. In fact, I didn't see much value in maths or sciences, thinking of them as nothing more than rout memorization as opposed to the lofty intellectualism of history, literature and the social sciences. I was always into science fiction and reading non-fiction works about science and scientists, as I saw the important implications of technological development on our lives. But I gave up too quickly on the "boring" fundamentals. Now, I've come full circle and have developed an intense curiousity for the structure, rules and theories about the physical world. I am interested in cultivating even greater rationality through a solid scientific understanding of the world.

Time to go enjoy this beautiful day. . .

Hey Mistress Clarissa! I don't know about that online test you have a link to in your blog, where you can see what world leader you most resemble. I'm sure you're happy with the results, as you got JFK. But guess who I got? Hitler!!! Ha ha ha, I gotta laugh at that one. On a positive note, the movie I am most like is Raiders of the Lost Ark -- it says I live for "adventure, fortune-hunting and danger." Here's the link for the tests. I think this means it's time to get off the computer now ;-)

In the past, I've been quite proud to say that I don't really watch TV. Why sit around watching other people's adventures when you can have your own? Yet I suppose now that I have a multi-site web presence, I have become a mediated experience for others. The difference is that I'm also real, meaning I can be a real part of one's life rather than just an illusive image and words. It's that web of connection that I care about, the people who surround me and make up my community. I have never been one to live vicariously through others, such as reading gossip about people I don't know.

I am from the bowels of Los Angeles -- land of the mediated experience. And I am a club kid at heart. One thing that irked me when trying to nightclub it there was this reticence to be Fabulous with a capital F. Perhaps we're helped along here by that wonderful Pride vibe. Whatever the reason, I enjoy going out and looking funky-sexy-outrageous without that questioning look of "And who do you think you are?" that is too often evident in Tinseltown. As if everyone just lives and breathes to emulate the lives of celebrities, and only they have a right to dress in truly unique or attention-getting attire. The desire to look and feel divine needs no ulterior motive, and does not necessarily imply competitiveness i.e. "I'm looking great to show my superiority and make you feel bad about yourself." Sometimes I get a whiff of that attitude here in the City, but I don't think this has to be the case.

Entertainers act out wild and stylish lives. Me and my comrades, we live it for ourselves, not for the cameras. I find it amusing when someone who's spent most of their life watching the screen sees some similarity in my club style and that of a celebrity, therefore concluding that I must be copying that famous person. I don't turn on the television to get my fashion tips. Looks evolve from the street, the clubs, dance culture and all these other cool subcultures, then are co-opted by the stars, not the other way around. Ah yes, the emperor wears no clothes . . .

Being a professional domina puts one in a very interesting position-- one that is easily misunderstood. I'm beginning to see the importance of the role of teacher in all of this. There is so much ignorance about the nature of our craft. From those who lump us together with prostitutes on the one hand, to those who see us as exploiting the SM lifestyle on the other. There will always be non-believers in every direction. I have learned not to be offended by other people's cluelessness, and to have patience with those receptive to discovering the truth of the matter. I think women have been so trained to react strongly at even the insinuation of being called a whore, that it can lead to blinding, destructive rage rather than bridge building and compassion. I am secure in who I am, what I do and do not do. For those with good intentions, it is often simply a matter of re-education.

What a superbowl. OK if you're not into sports, don't read this. I agree that there are a lot of good reasons to object to big league sports but none of them have to do with the actual game. The commercials and half-time show were crap. All the better. The game itself was beautiful and that's what matters. I was so happy to see two excellent teams where everyone was a good sport. No showboating, no mean-spirited antics. Just great playing. And even a sense of humility. Like a lot of things, a good ball game illustrates some important lessons in life. To be fierce, yet controlled. To be eager, yet calm. To be fired up, but not so much that the emotions turn performance into chaos. To be determined to reach your goals and principled in your efforts. To have heart. . . Uh-oh, I'm starting to sound all gushy now. Better sign off before I start singing some broadway tune ;-)

Argh! Photo shoots can be so nerve-wracking. I admit I don't make the best model. I much prefer being the director rather than the one being objectified. But I also know that I've gotten very nice results in the past and I have lots of visual concepts in my head. Plus it'll be nice one day years from now to pull out some of my best pics and be able to say, "Yeah, that was me." Though I'm so glad I have many other faculties besides my looks to go on. I have friends that have had their browliner, eyeliner and lipliner permanently tattooed along with most of their body hair permanently lasered off. They say they want to look good all the time, whether they're shopping for groceries or working out at the gym. For me, sometimes I like to dress down in some loose-fitting plain outfit, glasses, hair pulled back and no make-up and just be invisible. The visual is so powerful in our society. Eye candy is truly an opiate for the masses. Yet like a drug, alone it carries no real substance beyond the fleeting high. It's in concert with something working at a higher level that it's power is properly utilized.

Since the house was so busy last night, I ended up having to do my last session in the upstairs sitting room. It's our smallest room. I was quite pleased with being able to negotiate a scene in a space not much bigger than a walk-in closet! I brought in a lot of my own toys and tools, and it ended up working out very well. It has a cute little purple sofa and lots of mirrors, with one wall of shaded windows that brings in some light during the day. Its coziness and decor can work for the right scene (eg shorter sessions with office, medical or other roleplays that work best outside of a dungeon setting). I could have done the scene in the boudoir, but that is my least favorite room. It has a bed in it with white sheer curtains around it. It is equipped with cross-dressing accoutrements, so it can be good for that type of play. But in general, I find it too vanilla. And it can be hard to convey the essence of BDSM to a novice in such a setting. Though regardless of where I have to play, I know that I can make it work out. Confidence in one's ingenuity is part of what being a domme is all about.

Isn't it always this way. Just when I post a diss of Victoria's Secret, I spot not one but two of my Gates sisters looking stunningly sexy in said lingerie. Not a bad way to be contradicted!

For me, being a pro domme has become as much about being a part of a group of kinky, like-minded women as it is about being worshipped by men. I love how everyone is happily twisted and open-minded, both unabashed in their unique eroticism and the control they exert over it.

Though I've only been a pro domme for a year and a half, I've been involved on and off in the fetish and BDSM scene for over 8 years. When I go to a community event, I don't advertise that I'm with The Gates. Some may suspect or happen to know, but most are discrete enough not to inquire. And by not flashing my "credentials," I get a more true reaction from people -- based on genuine affection (or not!) rather than status recognition. And I know some great people this way :-) It also works the other way around for me. Meaning that I have to prove myself rather than rely on reputation. It helps push me to reach out and grow rather than rest on past achievements or the impetus of others.

People often say that they want to be recognized for an achievement based solely on merit rather than outside influences. For example, you hear celebrities who act and then want to try their hand at singing say this. Or relatives of celebrities trying to make it big say that they want to do it on their own talent rather than nepotism. Yet if this really were the case, wouldn't they change their name and never mention their other achievements or connections? Myself, I enjoy being able to start fresh and strike out in new worlds. There are so many wonderful little subcultures to explore.

And with regards to the nature of my work as a "paid player," I prefer being low key as to avoid the false perception by some that I can be bought. Being a woman who has always rejected the traditional male-female dynamic which involves the man paying for the woman (the most obvious sign being the rock on her finger -- the insinuation being the bigger the rock, the more she is worth), I am particularly sensitive to this. I've never really played the dating game. Although I know some like to think of it this way, I never look at a session as a romantic date. I see the fact that I'm paid as compensation for my time as any professional expert would expect. I'm just lucky enough to have a really fun gig, with caring friendships among those who submit and serve me.

At The Gates dinner we had the other night, I got into a discussion of marriage. My aversion to marriage has more to do with its vestiges of male dominance: the engagement ring, the giving away of the bride, the ever-present sense that this is more a favor to the woman than the man. And all the conventions that go with it without question: that it's the woman wears the engagement ring and is given away, that it's the woman who changes her last name, then becomes the primary child caretaker. So many gender fixations that I find limiting.

Anyways, so this is all very real for me. To live a twisted life. I couldn't live any other way. And after all, the basic code of life comes in an inversely matched, twisted pair (i.e. DNA), so who's to say that the perverts aren't the most aligned with the laws of nature?

Last night The Gates went out on the town for a high fetish dinner. It was a blast to see so many lovely ladies dressed up in shiny, skin-tight latex and curve-accentuating corsetry. Lady Madeline Claval and Mistresses Kaya and Elka were in attendance as well as most of the ladies who make up the current house. Props to our headmistress Domina Sage for treating us all -- damn, did she look hot in an all black rubber cat suit with plunging neckline!

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I envision the play scene in terms of an equal energy exchange. In order for it to be a genuinely reciprocal exchange, this requires that my slave give me some of their power, trusting that I will give it back in the form of domination and control leading to their own submission. It is a two-way street. When it is lopsided, then one party may feel weakened as their energy is being leeched away. I believe, like many of my cohorts, that BDSM and fetish play can be a healing experience. This runs contrary to popular opinion, which focuses on the veneer of unhealthiness attached to the very labels we use to describe it: perversions, fetishes, torture, humiliation, degradation. Yet it is the aspect of turning these powerful forces -- which are typically channelled into the negative and destructive -- into the positive and productive. There may still be destruction, but there is also rebirth. The balance is in maintaining it as a cathartic rather than draining experience.

Following upon this idea, I see my dynamic with any particular slave to be just that: a dynamic, evolving experience. We build upon previous scenes, each one being a layer of intricacies, as we get closer to a space of pure bliss where dualities -- such as pleasure and pain, male and female, darkness and light -- blur into meaninglessness. When someone initially approaches me wanting something very special and wicked (e.g. forced bi or public exposure), they need to understand that I do not treat an unknown as I would a loyal slave. It is far better to ingratiate yourself with me first through sincere one-on-one servitude and devotion, then bring up these desires. And know that though it may take only a few moments for you to think it up in your head, it takes time and resources in the real world.

Gong Hay Fat Choy! Happy New Year :-)

I just got the Victoria's Secret Valentine's Day catalog. Very hot! It certainly makes for beautiful soft porn, what with all those sexy Brazilian models like Adriana Lima. But I have to let you in on a little secret -- though there may be some exceptions, most women I know (and yes, they are young and fit) have found that the actual merchandise quality leaves much to be desired. I know that for those photo shoots, they often use what's called fashion tape and other alterations to make even the most ill-fitting clothes hug the body. Well, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth and I do very much appreciate the gift certificates I've received from Victoria's Secret. But after going back and forth to UPS for returns several times, I have taken it off my list of preferred shops. No worries, I did find a few keepers that I'll be using in an upcoming cheesecake photo shoot -- look out for new pics on my site soon! So though it has a more "trashy" reputation, I have had a lot of luck with Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie. Just goes to show, you can't always judge a book by its cover model ;-)

Those interested in serving me should know that there is a price to be paid for the privilege of being in the presence of a true domina. And I don't mean the monetary tribute. I mean a psychic offering to the goddess. Something one relinquishes that leaves one vulnerable. Like when a dog rolls on its back and exposes its neck to the alpha in the pack -- a sign of trust and deference to superior power. There are some seekers I have encountered who seem to think that simply paying for my time should earn them the reward of body worship or other purely sensual experiences. Yet I never engage in such activities lightly. They are in fact rewards. And they require work to get there. Be it in the form of suffering for me: the sting of the lash, restricted and contorted in bondage, hot wax on bare skin, nipples twisted and pinched, cock and balls tightly bound and laden with weight. Or stripping oneself of one's ego by exposing oneself to humiliating and degrading acts. Or being my bitch by fellating my strap-on cock, then opening oneself completely to my plundering. I believe the very nature of true submission requires a pushing of oneself to the outer layers of one's comfort zone. I don't necessarily mean being hard-core in the sense known as edge play. But simply being open to the twist.

I just finished the novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. It's the story of the Wizard of Oz from the witch's point of view. OK but what's really frustrating is this: on the back cover it mentions that the Tin Man is the victim of domestic abuse. But I could not find that at all in the actual story. It's crazy! I've even posted to craigslist about it to try to get an answer. That's what's nice about reading in groups like a book club or a literature class -- you get to discuss all the finer points and vent about the inconsistencies. The last book club I was in were more interested in talking about the latest reality TV show than the book we were supposed to be reading, so I quickly gave up on them. Perhaps time to find another. . .

It's come to my attention that some emails sent to me over the holidays may have been lost. My site was temporarily down over Christmas, so if you sent me a message at that time I probably did not get it.

A new lady recently joined us at The Gates. Her name is Reyna and she is a beautiful petite black and polynesian mix. Her presence brings a nice new flavor to the house. It's been my experience that dommes of color encounter a lot of the same issues within the BDSM and fetish communities -- from how issues of power relate to one's personal history of oppression to annoyance at ethnic stereotypes and cultural misunderstandings to commonalities in how we celebrate and perceive life -- so I've found this support network to be an especially important resource for me. Everyone's so busy, but it would be great if someone (yeah I know, it's always someone else!) would organize a little get-together like that photo shoot by Andrew Morgan. That's our very own Mistress Clarissa in the middle top row, third from left. Doesn't she look hot!?! ;-)

I am not one to rest on my laurels. There is so much still out there -- virgin territory ripe for exploration. To breathe in deeply of this life. Ah yes, more to come. . .

On to 2004. I see myself continuing to grow as a dominatrix. I also see myself becoming more directed with my blessed amount of free time. I'm heading back to school to study an array of new subjects, allowing it all to coalesce with my existing knowledge and lead me further. Evolving mind, body and spirit in a balance of rigor and playfulness. Developing my writing beyond this lovely little blog that's reignited the fire of words inside me. Discovering and re-discovering myself and the world around me. Carpe diem!

I caught the Sci Fi channel's remake of Battlestar Galactica. Much improved from the original cheesy series. I especially like what they've done with women's roles. Starbuck has transformed from a smooth-talking, good-looking man into a shit-talking, butch woman. The president is a brunette Hillary Clinton (As we start seeing more women presidents portrayed in the media, people will get more used to the idea and it will become a reality that much sooner). And the main cylon character is a cruel yet playful blonde bombshell who wields her sexuality as a dangerous weapon, manipulating a male scientist through his weakness for her scantily-clad body, and thereby causing the destruction of most of mankind. Definitely a hint of dominatrix in the role!

Happy Holidays everyone! Many thanks for all the lovely gifts and cards. 2004 here we come. . .

I am collaborating with one of my slaves on a workplace scenario. What's fun about an office roleplay is the sense of restrictiveness that is so much a part of the business world. I know because I use do the 9 to 5 thing myself. There is something about working in an office that can seem positively victorian. In the end, it probably is the best way to get things done -- making sure people's minds are not elsewhere, distracted by thoughts of pleasure! There was a certain giddiness in living a double life. At the office, being Clark Kent: glasses, drab, loose-fitting clothes. And on my own time, turning into Superman: fabulous, funky-sexy get-ups and crazed nights around the town.

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I notice that there are some who submit to me have a tendency to think aloud certain thoughts that are better left unsaid. Perhaps some of it is nervousness. Or a sense that because they are revealing a side to themselves that is normally secret, that they can really "let their hair down." Yet I think it's important to measure one's words carefully when in the presence of your Mistress, so as to avoid putting your foot in your mouth.

We all make judgments about people. When looking for the perfect domme, it necessarily involves a process of assessing and evaluating one's options. Yet when it comes to the physical specifications which factored into one's decision, I'd rather not have a detailed play-by-play. e.g. "Well I thought you looked hot in your pictures and I have a thing for Eurasians. I was afraid you might be too skinny for my taste, but I decided to give it a try." Don't you think that most Mistresses would be put off by being categorized and objectified in this way? I mean, this is best left unsaid.

Even more distressing is when someone who submits to me uses the occasion of our chatting afterwards to compare my "performance" to that of another Mistress'. What makes this distasteful is that it frames a dominatrix as some sort of product, and furthermore, fosters competitiveness between ladies. I am grateful for feedback on what in a scene went well and what didn't quite work. But I think that most serious dommes would agree that the core of one's nature is what is presented when one dominates. As such, information similar to market research surveys will not really shape what activities I decide to engage in.

Now I know that there are men out there that do see themselves as consumers and prodommes as a product. They are usually hobbyist of all sorts of erotic services, typically seeing professional domination as a nice break from the vanilla fare. And one has every right to see things this way. Perhaps if I were a man, that's how I'd be. But that's neither here nor there.

There are many interpretations of one reality. And in my universe, I am the consumer and my slaves are the product -- to be consumed by me, used and abused for my pleasure, then sent along on their merry way. One of my prodomme friends likes to imagine that she is the one paying to be allowed to dominate her slave. As she gets ready for the scene, she thinks about how much fun she will have with her paid submissive. Now that's a neat trick! You see, for true dommes it really is about our fantasy fulfillment.

Bless you all for playing it my way. . .

I went to Good Vibes the other day to pick up some Xmas goodies for my friends and co-workers. I couldn't help getting a few items for myself (actually, they are for you my submissives!) Alligator clamps, tweezer clamps and little plastic clips for nipple torture fun. More black gloves. Oh and I also picked up a funnel set at the hardware store for water sports. SM flea market had a few gems as well -- a short riding crop, a set of black and red bone claws that fit over my finger tips, and a couple of small blunt knives to scrape off wax drippings. All for my pets ;-) A nice twist to the usual holiday shopping!

There are signs that things are getting interesting. I read an article in the November GQ about Eddie Izzard -- a renowned British comedian and star of Broadway who also happens to be a transvestite. An excerpt from his stand-up act: "Yes, I wear women's clothes, but I fancy girls. I'm a male lesbian, you could say. A male tomboy. A running, jumping tree-climbing transvestite." The article starts out: "You do not have a place in your brain for Eddie Izzard. That's because a heterosexual, lipstick-wearing, unicycle-riding comic genius with Rod Stewart's shage and Mick Jagger's mojo has never walked the earth -- until now" Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that someone like this has never been noticed and accepted by the mainstream?

If you go to Avn.com, you'll see that one of the six chart-topping adult videos is Shemale Domination Nation. It features award-winning porn star female Belladonna playing with Brazilian shemales and male stud Nacho Vidal in hot three-ways (though in keeping with mainstream porn tradition, the cocks don't actually play with one another). It's up there with Up and Cummers and Rocco's Initiations as a top-selling movie. Just a few years ago, mainstream porn stars in scenes with transsexuals would have been unthinkable.

We've gotten to a point where homosexuality is almost completely acceptable. Will & Grace, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, court victories over marriage and sodomy laws. So it would seem a fitting next step to start opening broader society's eyes to even greater diversity in sexuality.

Gender-bending has been around forever and is an acceptable part of some traditional cultures. So it's about time for modern society to catch up. When I try to explain to people that I feel strap-on play is a transgendered experience for me, I sometimes get a blank stare. I think it can be more difficult for people to accept these in-between states. Not completely feminine or masculine -- and no desire to go there either. Limbo can be a destination.

A few words of appreciation to my sweet submissive in Los Angeles who gave me the writer's tool kit. The birthday card was also a real kick :-)

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I got to play with a TENS unit for the first time the other day. TENS stands for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. It's a medical device used for things like long-term back pain. It sends an electrical current through the muscles in different modes and has a scale of intensity from 1-10. I liked the bursts and the one that felt like a bloom. I tried it on myself before using it on my submissive (kudos to RFP man for introducing me to the joys of electroplay). We applied it to the top of the back of my thighs. Wow! I've never enjoyed vibratory sensation but this was different and better. It left my fingers tingling afterward. Later that night, I had a "flashback" -- my muscle retained a memory of the sensation that played back as I drifted to sleep. And it was great for CBT. Torture by remote control! Well then, something to add to my list for Santa ;-)

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As my blog has becomes more popular, in some ways it's become more difficult to write. Not because I have writer's block, but because I feel like I have to be more careful in what I say. So let me just state for the record that whatever musings you may find here are just that. My core philosophy, expectations, rules and other information can be found on my xia-bdsm website. But here my remarks may be a bit off-the-cuff, sometimes more a seed an idea than a completely evolved thought. And sometimes I change my mind! So don't take it as the 'word of Goddess'. It's meant to be the starting point for discussion, as well as a peak into my many facets.

FYI I'll actually be taking sessions from 10am to 5pm next Wednesday the 10th rather than 3-10pm. I'll be heading to a holiday gathering with some of the other local dominas later that evening - fun!

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Did you know? Xia means "glow of sunrise or sunset" in Chinese.

OK now that I'm settled down a bit, I'd first like to state that Mistress Pandora is one of the coolest people - let alone dommes - that I've ever met. It was a pleasure and a privilege to play and hang out at Wicked Garden. I think I'm even missing her little dogs. Thanks to Pandora & company for the warm hospitality and for gifting me with the "Love Spirals Down" CD - perfect scene music.

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A couple of things of note for sessions at The Gates. First-time clients are double-booked. This is because it's so common to have no-shows. This is not so much the case for me, so instead sometimes you may find that you've been bumped. To avoid disappointment, contact me directly so I can help coordinate things. Also, if you have never sessioned with me before, I much prefer our initial meeting to be a one-on-one experience rather than a double session. That way, you can have my undivided attention as we get acquainted with one another.

I just got back in town from my trip down south. I've written and rewritten two entries just now and somehow deleted them both! So I'm calling it quits for now and will post more later. Good to be back in Oz :-)

This time I'm flying down to LA and thankfully I'll be playing in a well-stocked dungeon as I'm afraid to bring certain items for fear that they'll take them away from me at airport security! Looking at the list of permitted and prohibited items, it seems my best bet is to check in my tools and toys. But they don't let you lock your luggage anymore and I know at least one kinky friend who had some of their best stuff mysteriously disappear from their baggage.

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As a prodomme, I am privy to some gripping tales of shameless, twisted perversion. I admit to a prurient interest in the confessions of those who submit to me. I mean, how could I not get titillated by over-the-top encounters of domination and seduction -- when the everyday turns into the bizarre, when the tiniest speck of a thought turns into action? The cluelessness of innocence turned into unruly passion, then sordid desire. The evolution of the erotic in oneself. It's intriguing to hear how each of us comes into our kink, what seminal moments etched these proclivities into our psyche. Real-life can be so much more interesting than anything they could put out in a movie. It's uncensored, unself-conscious and beholden to no one.

This one is for slave Dave for all the years of service and support you have given The Gates, and for being a great slave to me. Johnson and Woody are waiting for you ;-)

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I've really come to appreciate the support network I have found among the other women at The Gates. We learn and grow together, helping one another stay grounded within the whirlwind of intense energy exchanges. There is range of ages, backgrounds and experience levels -- so many interesting life stories, so many different ways of demonstrating power. The solidarity and sisterhood I feel there is very real. Now, some who follow prodommes have encouraged me to strike out on my own, ostensibly to choose who I want to see and how much I charge. I know that there is a perception that in order to be a top domina, one has to be independent of a house. I disagree. I am selective about who is allowed to see me. And I have my share of generous slaves who insist on compensating me at the rate of an independent. By staying at a house that is owned and run completely by women, I further the cause of female erotic empowerment not only for myself but for others as well. I enjoy the collective atmosphere, and the feedback I get from my colleagues is an important aspect of my personal growth. When one is literally being worshipped from day to day, it can be too easy to slip into delusions of grandeur. Community gives me a safety net so that I keep things in perspective. One day I may find it makes sense to go on my own. But it won't simply be to toot my own horn. Showing off for the boys is not as high on my list as supporting my sisters. And true confidence in my power means I don't follow silly rules about what makes a top-tier dominatrix. I know myself -- and those who serve me know as well.

I've been busy with tech stuff for my site, as well as getting ready for my LA trip. Check back in a few days for the latest. . .

A friend pointed me out to an article by Naomi Wolf entitled The Porn Myth, in which the academician and author of "The Beauty Myth" decries the rise of easily accessible internet porn, stating that it has made men find real women unacceptably imperfect. The article focuses on how porn-watching has become all the rage for young college men, with their female counterparts feeling like they can't compete. Oh my. You see, I get so tired of so-called feminism that really is just another form of puritanicalism, protection of women's "fragility", perpetuation of female victimization. It doesn't work for me -- I see it as just as much a double standard as male chauvinism.

Wolf, who is 40, claims that her's is the last generation of women to be truly confident in their beauty and bodies because they have not had to live up to the standards of pornography. But before porn, there was Hollywood and there have always been impossibly beautiful images which the masses have tried to live up to. She mentions that women her age in the gym have natural pubic hairs, while the younger women are all shaved and trimmed like in porn. Professor Wolf, what are you doing staring at all those ladies' bushes?!? Purely for research purposes, I am sure ;-) But seriously, maybe she doesn't realize that this trend is exactly the same for men: older go natural, younger shave and trim. The porn standard goes both ways. So for every women who feels she must "degrade" herself by submitting to anal sex because she sees it in the movies, there is a man who feels pressure to be as gonzo as his favorite director. I am sure there are young women on college campuses who are porn fans too, and expecting greater feats of prowess from their lovers. And maybe there are even a few out there who get a little more twisted, finding that the real fun can come from turning the tables and slut training their men. Mmmmm....... The future of sex -- where will it take you?

I've been writing some reviews for QSM's catalog. It's been fun to read a different book of smut each week :-) I may look into reviewing some of the videos too, as I see some of my friends are in a few. Not all are my cup of tea, but there's definitely something for everyone!

I was born on the day of the dead, but I am very much alive! I cannot bottle the magical fire which burns inside of me. Perhaps one day it will fade like a distant memory. What I can do is cherish it, revel in it, and preserve the markings of its presence.

There is the question of whether to keep a beloved fantasy solely within the realm of the imagination or to break through the walls of one's mind and make those things a reality. There have been those who have served me who have told me that they were searching for a long time for a Mistress. Some never dared take that step until they came across my site, where they discovered an intelligent, heartfelt conveyance of erotic perversion which struck a chord with their own deepest desires. Never before had they found someone to dominate them who articulated and embodied the secret cravings that stirred within them. Then they came to see me, experiencing the unforgettable. And opening the door to another world ripe for exploration.
[Though I am admittedly biased, I do think that fulfilling the fantasy of being dominated by a sexy, smart and twisted woman is one worth taking up. Beyond my own self interest, I see such an exchange as vital to understanding the true nature of sexuality, gender and power in all their malleability. It is similar to how knowing another language broadens one's horizons.]

Above and beyond female domination, there may be other acts which tug at one's psyche. Often it is the unspeakable, the sordid, the shameless. Public exposure, cuckoldry, coerced bisexuality or forced feminization are a few that really seem to hit a nerve. Perhaps this particular activity gets played out in your head whenever you touch yourself. Maybe it is so powerful that you can always rely on it to push you over the edge to orgasm. It's the perfect fantasy. Do you dare make it a reality? Could it ever live up to what you've imagined so well for so long? When it's all said and done, will you still have your fantasy intact?
It reminds me of the dilemma of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden with the fruit of knowledge. To live in peace with what you have -- or some would say blissful ignorance -- or to seek more? And once you know, will you be cast out of the paradise of your own mind's creation? Yet can it ever truly be paradise if it is bottled up rather than shared?
For some, the answer is easy. To live is to act upon one's desires, to pursue what makes one feel good. I know a fellow adventurer of the erotic who sees the fulfillment of his fantasies in terms of the Buddhist ideals of detachment from passion. Each fulfillment extinguishes a fire and brings him closer to the truth.
I too have built up desire, only to see it brought crashing down in flames. Yet from the ashes arose a phoenix, powering my flight to new heights. I wouldn't be where I am today if I had not said "yes" to making my fantasies real. With each step in my evolution, I have mourned the passing of these last vestiges of innocence, while at the same time reveling in my newfound knowledge and powers.

Even though this blog is just 1 line buried on my Xia-BDSM.com Links page, many of the people who come to see me tell that they read and appreciate it. I conceived of this as a way for me to relate my thoughts, ideas and background in a highly personal manner without being specifically limited to talk of BDSM and the fetish scene. I've been told that I really put myself out there, that I almost make myself vulnerable by what I write. Yet I think it's important to push past the tired stereotype of an inhumanly invincible domme who never frets or doubts, who is always right and ready. There is true strength in baring one's soul. As all good players and artists know, it takes guts to open up and let others inside one's mind.

Innately, I possessed the core of a natural domina. And through the gaining of knowledge by direct experience, I have built upon that core to manifest myself as a self-assured woman of many talents. But as they say: the more you know, the more you realize that you know so little, for learning is an endless journey. So I believe humility has its place, no matter how far one has progressed in one's personal development.

True confidence and intelligence do not need to be advertised. And certainly, possession of these qualities should allow for admissions of imperfection or other feelings which may fall outside the portrait of an ominipotent ice queen.

I think I really began to connect with my submissives when I shed that veneer of what I thought a domme should be like, and let them see the real me. In all my dualities and complexities. That's when I realized that the real me is as good as it gets. And getting better all the time. . .

I found this passage by the poet Rashani to be particularly powerful in its elucidation of the dualities of life:

There is a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken. There is a shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable. There is a sorrow beyond all grief, which leads to joy. And a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength. There is a hollow space too vast for words through which we pass with each loss, out of whose darkness we are sanctioned into being.

I recently did a deeply philosophical and surreal roleplay focusing on the unreal versus the real. My sub wrote this piece spontaneously after our scene together.

--------------------------------------

Under Wednesday evening's full moon, I had a dream. At first all was dark,
or at least without light. I sat in a void, aware only of my own breath.
Then, a voice; little more than a whisper, entering the space and wrapping
around me. The fingers of the wind traced lightly over me.

When at last I could see, there was a dark creature beside me. It had the
external form of a beautiful woman, but was more than a woman. It flowed
silently around me, through me. First I could not move. Then I did not
want to move.

The chair vanished, I don't remember how or when or why. I lay on my back
as the hot winds of the desert and the arctic cold washed over my naked
body. I stretched, writhed like some primordial creature, between pain
and not-pain. Vision came and went and came again. My breath came fast
and hard. The other continued to move fluidly, silently, a dark blur
within a space distinct from all other existence. Now the other became
both woman and man, interior and exterior, passive and aggressive, light
and dark, all things at once, and nothing. I melted into it, and it
melted into me. My mind touched its mind for a brief moment, and we
became one entity, twisting through the endless void of eternity, in non
space and non time, forever and in the moment.

Finally the walls of the room once again became apparent. As I came back
to what we call reality, she stood before me, nearly naked, once again in
the form of a beautiful woman. Our smiles expanded, became ripples on a
pond, then waves on an ocean.

Then I stood on the sidewalk, looking up at the full moon, through gnarled
tree branches in silhouette. Once again, I smiled.

I just added Mistress Heart - Artistic & Elegant Dark Domme to my prodomme links. Thanks with your help on those banners!

I posted the following on Max Fisch in response to the query: "Do you think at all about the possible political aspects of BDSM, especially of professional domination?"

Personal as Political & Beyond

As the old feminist line goes, the personal is political -- so of course, on some level there are politics to professional BDSM. Being a prodomme in practice is really about enjoying myself and helping others to explore new realms. Yet in theory it very much is a political decision for me to do this kind of work. I feel so fortunate to live in a time and place where a woman can be accepted as multi-faceted - powerful, beautiful, erotic, twisted, bold, intelligent. . . the list goes on. I see my craft as a dedication to all the great women in the world who have dared to walk outside convention, bearing pride instead of shame, to overcome the odds and tell the tale of their discoveries.

I know not all my clients see eye to eye with me on issues of gender, power and the like. And certainly, I'm not one to engage in uncomfortable political discussions when I'm trying to make a connection. So the great thing about doing a scene is that within any particular roleplay and activities one engages in, I have found that there is enough room for each player to interpret and find fulfillment in their own unique fantasy. Ideally, you leave your outer persona at the door and walk into the scene ready to play with a sense of true freedom from the trappings of the "real" world.

I enjoyed a wonderful massage earlier today. I have heard my masseur described desparagingly by another masseuse as being "unmerciful", but I find his deep tissue technique with its relentless breaking of muscle knots to be just what I need. I guess you could almost call it SM massage :-) It certainly releases the endorphins. Mind you, I wouldn't ask this of a sub in session, as I leave such an intense workdown to the expert!

I realized today that one thing I really like about topping with strap-on play is the visual aspect of being able to see the movement of my "cock" going in and out of my slave's ass (nicely shaven is best). It typically is the penetrator that gets to see the action, while the receptive partner is a bit obscured from what's actually going on, which I've always found a bit frustrating (in my personal life, I used to have a laughably good time holding up a vanity mirror to try to get a peek at what was going on down there!). Perhaps it's all those years of watching porn where the camera is the point of view of the fucker rather than the fuckee (is that a word? ;-) So when I strap it on and train my well-groomed sluts, I truly get a rush from this facet of the female-male role reversal.

Living in my house growing up, there was always intellectual stimulation and creativity. We had constructed a parallel universe with its own belief system, at times opposed to convention. For better or worse, we were a matriarchy -- where the women and girls were served by the men and boys without question. Yet we were also in the middle of Hollywood before the days of "girl power". In this conflicted environment, I was constantly thinking about the constraints of society. I was restless, angry, seeking, questioning, commenting on society at large.

Now, I have crafted a life for myself once again. A parallel universe with its own belief system, in almost every sense opposed to convention yet grounded in a superior morality. But this time I pay little heed to "normal"society. Rather than chafe at its bounds, I simply ignore it and choose to live as I do with a sense of freedom. What I have gained is a feeling of contentment and happiness. What I have lost is the sharpness of my perceptions of society at large. It's all right to have one's own little dream world, though not forgetting what lies beyond. . .

Folsom Street Fair was this past Sunday -- what a party! I was still recovering from getting my wisdom teeth out last week, so I was pretty low-key and didn't do the dress-up thing. But the rest of The Gates ladies more than made up for my slackerly ways, looking fabulous in all their fetish finery. Head Mistress Sage, Alexis, Kitten, Clarissa and Star drew many admirers in their delicious diva-wear: corsets, sequins, leopard skin, cowboy hats, a parasol, and plenty of cleavage. Va-va-voom. . . when my job involves hanging out with super sassy sexy mamas, how could I possibly complain?

When I was in junior high, I used be called "weird" a lot by the other kids in school -- usually at least once a day. No matter how hard I tried to be just like everyone else, whatever came out of my mouth was never quite right to have me fit in. I used SAT words in normal conversation. I made strange observations. I had a passion for learning and was highly ambitious about getting good grades, competing in speech and debate and preparing to apply to the best colleges. All this despite the fact that I had virtually no pressure from my parents to succeed academically. I guess I was kind of like Lisa on the The Simpsons. My whole family was different. Sometimes I imagined that we were The Munsters of The Addams Family. I remember one of my brothers exclaiming in frustration, "It's our family that makes us weird!" At home, we could draw on the walls of our rooms if we felt like it. We could wear whatever we wanted. We were never grounded. One summer we took off from school and drove across country in our VW van; my parents and their brood of little elvin half-breeds. My mother was an artist who encouraged us to be free of convention and rules. The problem was that we were so free of these things that we couldn't even figure out how to fake it and pretend to be "normal." And of course, being weird was the most uncool thing to be in school.

Now, everyone tries so hard to be weird it makes me laugh. It seems like everyone and their brother is tattooed, pierced, dyed and dreaded to prove their anti-establishment credits. But if everyone does it, isn't that just another uniform and not so different from a suit and tie? Some of my friends say I look so much more conventional than I am. I suppose that's been a little victory for me, to have finally conquered the art of appearing completely normal. And I've found that there's a certain power to keeping things on the inside. Like a secret weapon. Clark Kent having his Superman costume hidden underneath his work clothes. There's a titillation to being in the closet. When I used to work in offices, it was especially fun to think about the crazy, kinky fun I would have on my own time when I was at my desk dressed in a mousy cardigan and studious-looking glasses while others boasted loudly of their drunken, frat-boy excesses. Little did they know. . .

I watched Animatrix the other day. It's a bunch of anime-style animation shorts by the makers of The Matrix. I thought they were much more provocative and philosophically deep then the sequel -- and great for those of us with short attention spans!

I think it could be a blast to do a Matrix-inspired roleplay. There are so many interesting themes to explore. Taking the red pill: a choice between fantasy and reality. To trust another to guide you to a new level of understanding. To revel in the allure of the imagined and be unafraid of the rawness of truth. You've got slick fetish fashion. And an aesthetic where east meets west in the very form of the main character (yes, Keanu is a hapa) and in the mix of martial arts and guns, eastern enlightenment ideas with western heroics. It could have parallels with something more traditional like a vampire role-play but with a more modern, cyberpunk attitude. On a sidenote, I like the look of the new vampire vs. werewolves movie The Underworld for just this reason -- because it updates the genre with a future-forward stylishness.

I have been so deluged with virus-laden emails you wouldn't believe it! My cheap web hosting and email server have no filter for this so I have to rely on my eagle eye and there's been literally hundreds in my inbox this past week, ugh.

Anyways, I've been getting a lot of positive feedback about my blog. I have always been a writer at heart, working as a journalist for community newspapers through out high school, college and immediately afterwards. My own ambition used to weigh me down with an anxiousness over the whole process, leading to a writer's block which lasted for too long. By finally coming full circle and letting go -- very much in keeping with the buddhist ideal of detachment -- I've finally made peace with myself and actually been able to write again. And in that middle time, I experienced so much, gaining precious wisdom of the world. So now my writing is endowed with greater maturity and presence than I could have mustered before. And it'll only get better!

I've been invited to join Friendster by a few but have yet to sign up. The internet is a funny thing. It can be a wonderful tool in building community through newly established ties and long lost friends. But it also has a darker, more addictive side where it sucks you in and replaces the desire to connect in the real world. Does anyone know of a piece of software that could keep one tightly focused on the task at hand, instead of wandering aimlessly in cyberspace in some kind of mentally masturbatory state? We could call it the CyberMistress and you get a shock every time you go off on a tangent :-)

Here is a list of alternative porn videos that was recommended to me by a fellow prodomme. Though I haven't had an opportunity to check these titles out, I wanted to share this list:

1. Restrained by Desire (Twisted Productions)
2. Submission to Ecstasy (Twisted Productions)
3. Strictly for Pleasure (Twisted Productions)
4. Terms if Enslavement (Ernest Greene)
5. Ivy Manor 3 - Tropical Submission (Gwen Media)
6. Hell on Heals (Wicked Pictures)
7. Rogue Adventures #16 (Joey Silvera)
8. Transexual Gangbangers 7 (Devil's Film)
9. The Other World Kingdom 1
10. Rubber Discipline 3 (Marquis)
11. Transexual Beauty Queens 16 (Androgeny Productions)
12. Extreme Fetish #3 (Hollywood Videos)
13. Extreme Gummi Erotik (Caprice)

My inbox has been deluged by emails with viruses -- over 150 at last count and all with senders related to BDSM or adult entertainment. If you haven't figured it out already, avoid opening unsolicited messages with titles like Wicked screensaver, Thank you!, You're approved, Details, Your application and That movie to name a few. Thankfully, none of the suspect email was opened. But if you happen to find that I haven't responded to a recent message you've sent me, just know that I've been dumping out my inbox and may have accidentally deleted it!

I just got back from my trip to LA. It was wonderful! I must admit, I've had my fair share of issues with the City of Angels. Growing up in the shadow of Hollywood, experiencing the riots after the Rodney King verdict, it was not always easy. In fact, sometimes it felt like being raised in some giant lab experiment! But this trip brought new opportunities, new connections, and a newly discovered appreciation for Southern California. Big thanks to everyone who helped make my stay so exceptional: Mistress Pandora for making me feel so at home at the Wicked Garden, Marnie for the 411 on dungeon rentals, and Mike for inspiring me to take sessions in the first place. I enjoyed every minute of my playtime and look forward to more in another 3 months or so.

I was recently asked the question: What is it that you seek? Is fame important, or is respect enough? Or is it something else entirely?

First and foremost, I seek to gain greater knowledge and experience new things. I also want to have fun while doing it. I seek recognition, but not fame. Respect, but not adoration. I want to touch the lives of others in deeply powerful and positive ways. Born and raised in Hollywood, I am highly skeptical of the cult of celebrity. In fact, I almost wish for the day when all stars are replaced by computer-generated images! But seriously, my goal in life is to be a renaissance woman. To taste the rich offerings of life. More in a figurative than material sense. And part of that is to not be limited in my sense of self. I have found it quite liberating to retain a sense of mystery. Like a superhero or spy, I move with stealth among the crowds. And for those who seek me out, to meet me in person it is that much more special because I am hidden from the masses, reserved for those who make that extra effort.

One happy side effect of prodomination has been a rekindling of the joys of writing. I never really stopped. But now I am publishing my thoughts again and it gives me great satisfaction to share them with others...

I am again taking some classes for intellectual enrichment and to explore a possible post-graduate degree. In general I will be on the computer a bit less and travelling a bit more. But don't worry, I will still be posting to my blog and my other familiar online haunts.