Friday, December 23, 2005

I have received gratifying responses to my latest galleries. Some of you may recognize that a few of the photos are in fact not new, but were up on the site in the past. Why the turn-around? Ah well... My personal journey as a pro domme continues to engross with its many twists and turns. And this is an apt illustration of my development as I discover first-hand where each step takes me.

You see, one of the common beliefs amongst those in my field goes something like this: "In the beginning it is OK to have photos taken in softer, more revealing clothes. You are just getting started and you want to attract people in whatever way you can, so that you can gain experience. But as you become more seasoned, having built up a stable of slaves and amassed a collection of latex, leather and corsetry, your images should then evolve into ones of you in high fetish. And you should then be more covered up. Because showing a lot of skin may make you look vanilla or submissive and no one will take you seriously."

Earlier this year, when I had only my David Perry photos up -- the ones of me looking uber-domme and fetish fierce in my lovely Stormy Leather corsets and Lip Service pvc dresses -- I noticed that a more narrow range of submissives came to serve me. Though they were wonderful, respectful and sincere seekers, I began to miss having a broader spectrum of players within my stable. And so I decided to put up some of my sexier dungeon images in the Clad in Black gallery as well as add some sassy, funky pics into the Straponista gallery.

I have come to realize that what a domme wears is only one element. The clothes do not make a woman dominant. They certainly add a nice touch. But true power comes from within. I can have fun with many different looks. But there is no uniform to the femme domme essence. I do not believe in restraining myself to a limited aesthetic. I know I can dominate in anything I choose to wear -- or not wear, for that matter.

And so I come full circle. "I told you so," Sage said, when I discussed sprinkling in a few of my more revealing photos into The Gates profile. "But I had to experience it first-hand. I had to know," I said.

I experienced what some would say is the pinnacle of pro domination: a slick but not overtly sexual presentation on my website, adoring and generous slaves, and miminal eroticism in the form of strap-on play, worship or even release for the sub in session. Of course, I continue to appreciate generous spirits. And I am quite pleased with how I have honed my online presence -- now with my hot new galleries, it is even more complete. So I would never want to feel pressured to be more sensual than is my inclination. Yet at the end of the day, I know that I deeply enjoy the eroticism of slut training, the power of the unbearable tease, and the twisted fun of having a male slave clean up his pearly mess! Ha ha ha :-} Yes those are good things. Naughty and Nice...


I was lucky enough to catch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show on TV the other week. My, what a tasty treat that was! I was psyched to see it back, as they had to cancel last year's due to all the fuss over Janet Jackson's breast in the Super Bowl. Did you know that the most common gift I receive from my slaves are Victoria's Secret gift cards? I still have one in my wallet ready to spend when the mood strikes me. I actually took down the link on my wishlist at one point because I was getting so many! It's not high fetish, I know. Nevertheless, the Mistress very much appreciates these lovely tokens. This pic from my Clad in Black gallery features one of their sweet little slip dresses.

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Tuesday, December 6, 2005

Finals time and I am a hopeless procrastinator. Thankfully for you, procrastination seems to be my best source of inspiration. I just re-tooled and added some new and classic pics to the Galleries on my xia-bdsm site. And yes, there are strap-on pics once again -- in fact, a whole gallery of gender-bending fun. Something so central to my erotic identity cannot be denied! Check it out here.

Friday, December 2, 2005

Regarding this last photo, what can I say? The time seemed ripe for another hot straponista shot ;-) As some of you may know, I used to have quite a few strap-on pics on When I changed the look of my site earlier this year, I decided to take out all of those pictures. Not because I no longer enjoy slut training -- it's still an incredibly heady experience for me when appropriate. It's simply that I wanted to keep away those who are merely interested in a strap-on service provider. In my mind, slut training is a fabulous reward for true submission. It is about serving me, not being serviced by me.

Topping with my strap-on truly is a tantric experience for me; intense, intoxicating and erotic. I feel the power of being the penetrator. Not so much literally or in a physically specific way(pushing the dildo against the pubic bone in a silly attempt to stimulate is a no-no!). Rather, it's a sensation which can fully encompass both the mind and the body, enraptured in the forceful energy of yang dancing with yin. Now that's bliss...

Thursday, December 1, 2005

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     *****Happy Holidays*****

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Astrology is a funny thing to me. I have met so many creative, put together, and seemingly intelligent people who are really into horoscopes, charting out signs and the like. Moon risings (or is it sun rising?), water signs, planetary crossings. My personality instinctively reacts against such concepts. I mean, it just sounds like so much mumbo jumbo. Yet I have to admit that the descriptions I've heard about my sign all seem pretty groovy, and much of it aligns with how I am.


Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment. But those of us who are particularly perceptive will be aware of the harnessed aggression, the immense forcefulness, magnetic intensity, and often strangely hypnotic personality under the tranquil, but watchful composure of Scorpio. In conventional social gatherings they are pleasant to be with, thoughtful in conversation, dignified, and reserved, yet affable and courteous; they sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them.


So perhaps I should stop rolling my eyes every time I hear people go on about the zodiac. I mean, they do say Scorpios are the most powerfully erotic of them all -- how could I complain about that? ;-)

Sunday, November 13, 2005

My latest guilty pleasure: American Curves magazine. I actually came upon the hard copy version in a Safeway magazine rack, of all of places. You should have seen the checkout boy when I brought it to the counter. He was flipping through the pages of "glorious glutes," holding it up and shouting to the other checkers to take a look. It was pretty funny.

I love how hard-bodied these fitness models look -- it takes me back to She-Hulk and all those sexy, buffed out comic book superheroines. It's nice too because these models look like mature, knowing women as opposed to emaciated little girls.

I'm not one to embrace one aesthetic over another. After all, I used to get constantly teased at a tender age for being all skin and bones. And while I definitely believe in the power of exercise, I still have a more slender body than these uber-muscular hotties. In this case, I say "Vive la difference!"

Promising developments on the transgender front...

Recently, the Supreme Court let stand a ruling that a transsexual police officer was wrongly demoted for dressing as a man at work but a woman off hours (and sometimes wearing makeup and long nails while on duty). He'll receive over $300,000 in restitution and have his legal bills paid. Impressive!

Hollywood continues to increase its coverage of transgender issues. This season, several new movies -- some generating Oscar buzz -- will feature prominent actors in gay or transgender roles. Breakfast on Pluto is by the director of The Crying Game and tells the story of an Irish transvestite and an Irish Republican Army militant. In Transamerica, Felicity Huffman of Desperate Housewives fame plays a transsexual who meets her teenage son for the first time. Capote, Brokeback Mountain and Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang also deal with these themes. It will be interesting to see how balanced a portrayal these films will pull off. Hopefully, shining light on the issue will bring us closer to acceptance and understanding.

On cable television, Sundance Channel’s reality series TransGeneration follows the lives of four transgender college students over the course of the 2004-2005 school year as they face academic, social and family challenges and confront their gender identity. Though I am not a big fan of the reality show format, I think this show will help illuminate the everyday concerns of transgender youth by giving us a view into their first-hand experiences.

In the realm of porn, transgender features are really hitting their stride. A series I highly recommend (and which is currently ranked #2 in AVN's specialty films rankings) is She-Males Invade Italy. Produced by Rocco Siffredi for Evil Angel, this series is a revelation. Seriously, this is some of the best porn I have ever seen. The scenes bring together hot Italians of 3 distinct persuasions: men, women and male-to-female transsexuals. There is one orgy scene with at least 15 people and everyone plays with each other. There is something so liberating in seeing this, the melding of gender, the tossing away of tired hang-ups, the pure joy of unadultered eroticism. If I were the director, the one tweak I would make would be to add a stronger femme domme element by having the women don strap-ons and have the men fully switch in and out of the receptive roles just as the women and TSs do. Now that would be hotter than hell ;-)

On a final note, a friend of mine gave me a copy of Alice in Genderland, psychiatrist Dr. Richard Novic's memoir of his triumphant struggle to balance wife and kids while at the same time fulfilling his ever-present desire to live life as a woman. By having an understanding spouse who allows him the freedom to explore his feminine side on his own (and even have a boyfriend), Dr. Novic finally finds peace and happiness.

I initially read Dr. Novic's story with the intention of gaining a better understanding of my cross-dressing submissives. Yet in the end, I found inspiration to be honest and assertive about my own needs and desires. We may not all look the same or have the same "parts," but I truly believe we can all learn from each other.

Monday, November 7, 2005

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My birthday cake! We decided she needed a little something extra and added one lit candle to simulate a flaming strap-on. Fire walk with me!

I am actually still recovering from my wild celebration. I lost my voice amidst the revelry, slowly coming back (though I know some of you like that husky sound ;-).

I'll be at The Gates on Wednesday. Take care all. . .

Friday, November 4, 2005

Last night I saw the documentary Writer of O, which was featured in the San Francisco version of the NY-based CineKink film festival. I'm sure many readers are familiar with Story of O,which was published in Paris in 1954. The beautifully written tale of a woman's sexual and sadomasochistic submission -- shocking even by today's standards -- was an instant sensation. It was an immediate bestseller which sparked a literary revolution, becoming the most read French novel in the world by the 1960s. The book's official author was Pauline Reage, but the true writer remained hidden for many years. Only after reaching a ripe old age did Dominique Aury, an outwardly prim and proper editor of an influential French publishing house, reveal herself (She states in the film that she had waited until after her parents died. She then waited even longer because she felt her geriatric status would make it all a bit less scandalous!).

Though the documentary focused on the liberating qualities of Aury's novel, I was more struck by how her anonymity liberated her. It allowed her to truly express herself without censorship from herself or others. She states that what each of us is drawn to as a reader is something in the text which reflects the self. In this vein, I was seeing parallels with my own writing as Mistress Xia.

In the film, Aury says that the truth cannot be hidden in one's writing; that writing is truth. Indeed, I feel that my best work neccesarily involves an element of soul-baring. It is ironic that by having a pseudonym -- as well as not showing my face in photos --I actually feel more free to reveal myself. I don't have to think twice. I can simply write in peace.

Another interesting aspect to the film was the focus on the heroine of Story of O's destruction in terms of her desire to dissolve the self. To surrender completely to something greater than the individual will. To me, this sounds very similar to the spiritual notion of no self and of the oneness of all things. O's drive to lose herself can be seen within this larger context. She was searching for a greater meaning. Those who arbitrarily label such explorations obscene and immoral simply because of the sadomasochistic eroticism are not awake to the spiritual underpinnings.

I find the Story of O a powerful, erotically charged novel which arouses the complexity of life, love and womanhood. It is interesting to note that before she revealed herself, many people assumed that only a man could have written such a story. I attended the screening with a friend. She and I both said the same thing to each other,"I told a few people I was going to this tonight and they couldn't believe that Story of O was really written by a woman."

Love or hate it, this story of a woman's sexual subjugation was written by a woman -- an intelligent and established member of French literary society at that. In the film, Aury scoffs at the idea that women are supposed to be the upholders of a "greater morality". It is this thinking which blinded almost everyone to the truth of the work's authorship.

For myself, my initial fantasies often did involve an element of submission. But unlike the author of Story of O, who apparently had a vivid imagination but did little in real-life, I have lived out many of my fantasies. One's secret yearnings, once realized, change and evolve. Through my experiences, I progressed to an erotic headspace more in alignment with my core personality. I suspect if Dominique Aury actually had the opportunity to re-create some of her fantasies, that she would also have journeyed to another level. Perhaps then we would have a sequel, say the Story of X ;-)

I continue to appreciate Story of O as a whole, without overly identifying with any particular role or gender. Yet ideologically I have always been drawn to the femme domme. When I started my career as Mistress Xia, I saw the pursuit of female dominance professionally as the final piece of the puzzle for me. My head and heart were already there. I wanted my erotic center to be there as well. Why was this the last to come around? Skeptics may say that truly dominant women are born not made. And of course there is some truth to that. The challenge comes in finding oneself amidst the constraints put upon us as the "fairer" sex.

In this way, I see the bedroom (and the dungeon) as the final frontier. Even the strongest woman feels the tug of those deeply ingrained messages: "To be pretty is to be valuable as a woman. To be too assertive is to be unfeminine. To be unfeminine is to be ugly. And to be ugly is to have no value." So you can imagine with this line of thinking underlying so much of what it supposedly means to be a woman, even the most naturally dominant woman can be paralyzed in the erotic realm.

It reminds me of the strong conditioning boys and men experience about what it means to be masculine, especially the fear of being seen as weak, feminine or gay. In this sense, my dominance has been a coming out. It's strange because at times I have surprised myself by how well the role suits me. At first, it was as if I was just trying it on for fun. And now it so much more than that. I realize it is central to who I am and has always been. Accepting it now, I no longer have to be the angry feminist ranting at the vanilla world. I have crafted a little alternative universe with wonderful people all around me. And it feels great :-)

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I have had some inquiries about my birthday, as some of you remember that it's coming up in early November. I do always get a kick out of saying that I was born on the day of the dead!


Recently, I've been mulling over the concept of female supremacy. While I very much enjoy playing with the idea, I have come to the conclusion that I do not ascribe to the ideology per se. Rather, if there is any belief system underlying my style of domination, it would be that power roles cannot be defined by biology and should always remain fluid.

I embrace the femme domme/male sub dynamic for myself because I am dominant towards all my partners both male and female. Over and above my personal predilections, what I value about my work is how it turns convention on its head, thereby opening one up to the realization that alternative paths are possible.

I do not apply judgment to any of these roles. If I believed that only the dominant role were superior, then I would not respect the men and women who so generously submit to me.

Through my wealth of experience, personal insight and skills, I have a lot of confidence in being Mistress Xia. Yet I would hardly think the world would be a better-run place if all the men in charge were replaced by women. Certainly, it would be different. But to me, having one set of genitals versus another does not make one inherently superior.

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Sunday, October 9, 2005

I had a beautiful time the other day acting out a stern teacher/naughty schoolgirl roleplay with a girlfriend. My one age play fetish is topping a "teenage" girl. Isn't that everyone's? ;-)

For me, surrendering to a role can be cathartic in a way similar to meditation -- letting go of the overly identified self. When meditating, it's about going deeper, beyond our individual construct to a timeless and universal being. Emptying the mind for a few moments, ceasing the constant chatter of our thoughts. And perhaps observing in this space the real truth of the matter.

In roleplay, it can also be about stepping outside one's own restless, ego-driven and virtually permanent persona. Releasing into a different dimension of beingness in personality and action, thereby reflecting the commonality between us all and the possibilities for change. Watching oneself as another. Cleansing of the mental build-up which can block clarity and contentment. And if not breaking old patterns, at least bringing awareness to them.

Of course, roleplays can be acted out in a disconnected way. It can tap into a part of one's consciousness not normally accessible. In these cases, once the scene is over, it seems that all the emotions and even some of the memories of the experience are repressed back again. I find this may take place with individuals who have very little to say before or after the scene. When they cannot express excitement, fear or any emotion about what we are about to engage in, it all feels a bit out of touch.

As much as I love roleplay, I know it is not for everyone. I have a dear friend who is too much of a comedian to stay in any role without busting out laughing. "Hey that's OK," I tell him. "That's what hoods and gags are for!"

Tuesday, October 4, 2005


Occasionally, a submissive will mistakenly address me as "ma'am." I immediately let them know my dislike for this title. It strikes me as such a non-sexy word. When I hear it, things like the color beige and dusty antiques come to mind. It makes me think of a hard, matronly woman without a seductive bone in her body.

A word I do like is "sir." The Sci Fi series Battlestar Galactica -- the only thing I watch regularly on TV -- introduced the mercilessly authoritarian Admiral Helena Cain in the final episode of this season. Though her character is obviously too much of a fascist to be endearing, to hear the male Commander Adama address her as "sir" gives me quite a thrill. (I also like how the crisp, unisex uniforms -- form-fitting but not clingy -- allow Cain's power to both transcend and magnify gender.) And I believe the modern Star Trek series have also made the use of "sir" a neutral term. Most excellent!

Yes Mistress Xia Sir! Oh that has a nice ring to it, especially for some intense military-themed, protocol/discipline action...

Saturday, October 1, 2005

Me and a few friends decked out in custom latex. Whoo hoo!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Mondays, Tuesdays & Fridays

I've been juggling around my schedule at The Gates as of late and I know there has been some confusion about my availability. Right now, I am taking sessions on Mondays & Tuesdays 3pm to 10pm and Fridays 10am to 5pm.

Beyond the current schedule, I am leaning towards switching one of my nights for a day, perhaps Wednesday or Thursday 10am to 4pm. If any of my submissives has a preference, do let me know!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Feels like Fall. I love this time of year -- when the sun is shining, the air is crisp, and the wind sweeps crackly dry leaves to and fro. Of course, there's no real winter to dread here in San Francisco. Coming from LA, I think I have a soft spot for changes in weather because they are such a rarity down there. Sunny all the time can get boring...

This weekend should be fun. Tomorrow is the Love Parade. And then Folsom Street Fair on Sunday!


Cool news! The San Francisco Bay Guardian, our local alternative weekly, just came out with its Sex Issue and The Gates is ranked #1 in a list of their top 20 favorite things about sex this year.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I just logged into Blogger and the "Blogs of Note" link caught my attention. It was for one called Las Fashionistas, which reminded me of the Belladonna/Rocco Siffredi award-winning adult film Fashionistas, but this blog was actually about fashion and Hollywood! ;-) Coincidentally, this other blog had a little thumbnail pic of a kimono costume I just picked up at a Halloween store. I dig the bright blue color and dragon print. . .

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Speaking of costumes, I recently updated my profile on The Gates to let everyone know how much I enjoy roleplays and scenes which involve uniforms and other exciting dress-up themes. Though I know some dominas do not like wardrobe requests and will not follow a script, I think dramatic play can be engaging and fun. And I for one do not necessarily see it as compromising one's dominance. Tapping into a submissive's most powerful fantasies and fetishes is key. So if my assuming a particular role engenders the right feelings in my submissive, then my control is that much stronger.

Certainly, I have no problem improvising off a script so long as the storyline is interesting and harmonious with a femme domme dynamic. I find collaborating in this way can be invigorating and highly creative -- having a blast thinking up dialogue on the fly, illuminating aspects of myself not usually revealed in scene, all the while clad in form-fitting uniforms, suits and other sleek attire. Sounds like a lively good time to me!

Friday, September 16, 2005

A Generous Spirit

For those with the means, giving over and above the donation set by The Gates is a thoughtful gesture of your appreciation for my superior standing as a domina. A tribute amount commensurate with one given to one of my peers in the independent realm is an excellent guideline. Of course, any additional gifts or monies are NOT a pathway to more explicit activities.

Have a wonderful weekend... gearing up for Folsom soon!

Friday, September 9, 2005

Whew! A moment to breathe and write a bit...

Just finished updating my Gates profile. For a microsecond I had my new pictures displayed at the top of my profile, leaving the earlier ones at the bottom. While I found the contrast between old and new to be an interesting representation of my development as a domme, in the end I decided to wipe the slate clean and start completely fresh. Anyways, it's best you see the tail-end of my evolution as that's where I want to play at the moment ;-)

One change some of you may have noticed with my personal site is the re-naming of my "slave profile" page to "submissive profile." I feel that the latter term is more all-encompassing. I am also sensitive to the fact that some do not like the word "slave" and all that is associated with it. I personally find the fantasy of sexual enslavement to be thrilling in its erotic complexity. Yet I am aware that some people have issues with the idea of anyone being a piece of property. I believe that there is a time and place for dominance/submission and the acting out of unequal power dynamics. And there is a time to forget roleplays and simply be egalitarian. As I have written on my site, I see individuals as humans first and foremost whatever one's self-identification. So while I do not ascribe to the philosophy of true ownership of one person by another, I very much enjoy playing with the concept of slavery and regard my being addressed as "Mistress" by those who serve me as an appropriate sign of respect.

Enslavement is intriguing not only as the concept of a contract between individuals but also in the idea of being "chained to one's passion" (actually a paraphrase of Madonna when asked to justify the image of her in collar and chains in the video Express Yourself).

I find the greatest source of control is via manipulation of a submissive's most deeply held desires. Surrendering all inhibitions to one's innermost cravings. And in this vein, I delight in my role as the tempter -- guiding and urging one on to... frenzied feeding, twisted bliss, the indescribable. I am reminded of a pivotal experience at Burning Man back in '96 during Pepe Ozan's first desert opera: painted naked bodies writhing in primal motion against the flames and chanting "Fire Tonight. Devil's Delight" over and over again. It was pure magic!

Saturday, September 3, 2005

I regret that I haven't had a chance to post lately. Very busy with classes starting, final tweaks on my updated website and many sessions! Some of you have inquired as to what I am studying for. Nothing set (yet) in terms of specific postgraduate plans. I simply love continuing my education to further my personal growth, supplementing that fuzzy liberal arts degree with practical courses in science, finance and who knows what else.

Happy Labor Day and I promise to write more soon...

Monday, August 22, 2005 -- New Look & Photos

Yes! I just finished updating my website. New look and new images. Gallery 1 will have more photos soon. Check it out...

Friday, August 12, 2005

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From my recent photo shoot with David Perry.
This and more will be gracing my websites soon...

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Wrapping up my Los Angeles trip, it has been scorchingly hot in the time I've been down here. It was in the 90s when I arrived and has cooled down a bit to the 80s. But boy, after living in mellow San Francisco for almost a decade, the weather here makes me feel like I'm melting!

This week has been filled with family, shopping and fun. I checked out the Los Angeles Fetish Ball on Saturday night at the Key Club. I bumped into Kumi there, among other fellow San Franciscans who made the trek south for the two-night event. Of course, there is the Slick fetish ball in the City when I get back. Actually, Slick is just one event in a series which starts today called "Five Days of Fetish". Should be a blast...

I had a great time hanging out at Jessica Kane's space where I ran into Pandora and met Kavaen Cloake who so kindly invited me to do a cameo in one of her scenes. All very cool ladies :-)

Gotta run and do some last-minute shopping. Nothing beats the clothes to be found in LA.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I had the pleasure of indulging in a new fetish the other day. Oh yes, it was so much fun! You see, a few weeks ago I was inspired to pay a visit to a smoke shop and purchase tobacco-free cigarettes so that I could do a smoking scene.

And so I was delighted when a submissive humbly requested his desire to be my human ashtray. We did a great roleplay where I was a conniving student blackmailing my perverted teacher. Yup, I was the bad girl, the kind who gets caught cutting class to smoke cigarettes in the bathroom. But boy did I get my revenge in detention ;-)

Whatever the scenario, I love the attitude one can embody when holding a lit cigarette between the fingers -- a haughtiness that can veer from breathy sophistication to swaggering brutality. Strutting around this helplessly enslaved man, blowing smoke in his face then grabbing his chin and tapping my ashes into his gaping mouth. The smoke swirling heavily around the darkened room, slowly exhaled from my softly pursed lips. Ah, what a wicked thrill.

Now I can almost hear some of my loyal slaves expressing concern for their Mistress' health. No worries my dear ones. I will not be turning into a chimney any time soon. I smoked on and off from my teenage years to my early 20s, mostly socially in the States and a little more when travelling. As they say, when in Rome... Anyways, I stopped altogether a few years ago at the behest of my lover who detested the habit.

Lucky for me, I have never felt any nicotine cravings. I simply liked the physical sensation and tactile experience of smoking. Now it's been so long since I've had tobacco in my system that if I try to smoke a real cigarette, I feel sick to my stomach.

So there you have it. Human ashtrays may apply for service immediately, to be used whenever the mood strikes me. Just don't expect any tobacco in that smoke!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Damn, I walked into Good Vibrations the other day to buy a new Malibu Terra-Firma and was told they no longer carry my favorite strap-on! Oh well, I guess I'll just have to look elsewhere. Not to badmouth the place. They did give out great little "care packages" at the dyke march during Pride weekend. Speaking of the march, I happened to be sitting in meditation all day when I got a call from another prominent local pro domme. She invited me to a gathering of sex workers at her dungeon that evening -- a pre-party of sorts for the big march. I arrived to find several other well-known and established players in the domme biz. It was great catching up with everyone, then heading outside to march in the sex workers contingent. We carried signs and chanted. Eventually I eased out into the crowd to watch all the lovely ladies. Serious pussy power. Yeah, I love that event :-)

Thursday, July 7, 2005

The world can be a crazy place. Sometimes beautiful, sometimes awful. The madness in London. We hear of such things and are momentarily torn away from the petty crises of our daily lives. In the face of chaos and uncertainty, we are reminded of what really matters.

Truth be told, it is no coincidence that I began all of this -- being Mistress Xia -- shortly after the terror hit home in the U.S. I decided there was no time to waste worrying about what others might think. I wanted to live each moment to the fullest, pursue my dreams and share the gifts of my spirit with others. And so it goes... carpe diem my friends.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Wednesday, June 8, 2005

This month marks my 3rd anniversary as a professional domina. It has been a wild, wonderful ride. And in many ways, I feel like I'm just getting my groove on, so here's to many more twisted, sexy and fun-filled encounters.

Some thoughts on the journey so far. . .

One of the first things I state on my homepage is that I am continually evolving in my philosophy of kink. I deeply believe in the ongoing nature of this work. My pro domme practice allows me to engage in intense self-exploration, as well as connecting me to truly creative, intelligent and grounded playmates of myriad perverse persuasions. I am fortunate in that I enjoy a broad range of interests and am still being introduced to new favorites along the way.

The process of learning and growing has been fundamental to my outlook as a domina. Though my core self leans towards perfectionism -- and this works very well for all the minutia involved in fantasy play -- I have pushed past my fear of making mistakes to take myself to even higher levels of development. Though I still cringe even at the thought of erring, I have found that the missteps have often led me down the path to greater truths.

Indeed, I now find it ironic how so many dominatrices market themselves as born perfect, always right and inherently superior. To me, superiority is earned through wisdom. I concede that there is a natural dominant essence that does shine through. Yet power is strengthened through its repeated exercise, refined in its level of sophistication through processing and integrating new information.

My ability to control all aspects of erotic submission has increased exponentially since I first started. In the last year or so it's really begun to feel like a well-oiled engine: my command over my slaves resting upon a solid base of knowledge, skills, experience and ease of execution.

To celebrate this milestone, here are a few photos of me in my ass-kicking platform boots. Casual pics inspired by Tomb Raider Lara Croft. Turning over some ideas for my next "serious" shoot...

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Tuesday, June 7, 2005

An honorable mention to my slave from DC -- it was most exquisite to combine feminization and chastity training. The CB2000 in pearlized hot pink was brilliant! And it went so nicely with your sexy Victoria's Secret lingerie.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005

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Boxers vs. Briefs?     I like 'em both . . .

I do love it when Rocco comes out to play! That's what I spontaneously called myself during one highly memorable scene where I cross-dressed in trousers and gave one of my sweet sissy slaves a serious course in slut training. A playful homage to that Italian stallion of porn, Rocco Siffredi ;-) Ever since that time, Rocco has made a number of sizzling appearances as my masculine alter ego.

There is something so exhilarating in transcending traditional gender roles, casting away the rigidity that is supposedly imposed by biology. The freedom of seeing masculine and feminine as two sides of a shared dynamic, where power is not permanently fixed to one or the other. A coin toss for dominance. Mistress Xia or Master Rocco.

There is someone I know -- an amazingly talented and beautiful artist and fellow perv who also happens to be transgendered -- who has offered to teach me a few techniques with body language and facial expression as well as make-up tricks and the use of things like shoulder pads to really bring the masculine illusion together. We've talked about going out on the town together with me dressed in drag and her on my arm. Just thinking about it gets me fired up!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

If you haven't seen Preaching to the Perverted, this is definitely a movie any self-professed kinkster won't want to miss. It's a hilarious British send-up of the glamourous life of dominatrix and SM club owner Tanya Cheex -- yes with a name like that, you know this flick has a sense of humor! It also manages to be sexy and slick, with the Mistress sporting hot fetish gear in leather, latex and shiny chrome.

Unlike some in the fetish community, this film doesn't take itself too seriously ;-) Yet it presents a fairly accurate if highly dramatized (I mean what are movies for, darling?) picture of the femme domme lifestyle and philosophy. It even educates with a safe, sane and consensual lesson. And it throws in some laugh out loud 'insider' jokes about enemas, butt plugs and the like. It was so refreshing to see the at once bizarre and mundane aspects of being a dominatrix so openly and saucily represented. I wish there were more movies like this were made about my craft!

A lot of Preaching to the Perverted's plot revolves around a moral crusader's attempt to infiltrate an SM club to gather evidence to prosecute the Mistress on obscenity charges. Indeed, I find it strange how the idea of moral superiority has been taken hostage by a select few. In my own practice, when I sense that someone who is presenting himself to me believes that the activities we are engaging in are immoral, then I know that our time together will be brief. For when a man believes he is already sinning, he may feel that he can take certain liberties. As a "sinner", he feels he is off the hook when it comes to acting with common decency and consideration. And so then, his belief in his lack of morality becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sadly, I have had a few unpleasant encounters attempting to play with individuals who have these kind of hang-ups. People so ashamed of their desires that they do not respect themselves or anyone else who interacts with them on this level. Whether they simply project a feeling that I am morally compromised or go further and see me as the devil's consort, I find all of it so tiringly old-fashioned.

Now that doesn't necessarily mean we should drop all pretense of good versus evil during a play scene. If it were all just new-age affirmations that this is natural and healthy, where would be the fun in that? Learning to play with shame, to turn it into a game and not take it all so seriously -- there's the balance. After all, playing the devil's consort sounds like a deliciously devious roleplay to me...

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Monday, May 9, 2005

One minute I'm sitting in Physics class watching a demonstration of static electricity with a Van Der Graaf generator. A few hours later I am whacking a willing submissive's bottom with an electrified bug zapper. Same concept, very different applications!

I get a kick out of finding continuity where it seemingly does not exist. A common thread where others only see randomness. Perhaps it's partly superstition, but I like to believe in meaningfulness over coincidence. And so with every person whose path crosses my own, I see our meeting as imbued with a greater significance. After all, we are all in this world together. And it is these heartfelt connections which nurture our growth and buoy our spirits.

I've been very happy with my recent switch from playing one CD in session on repeat to running my ipod playlist. I organized my ipod with a long playlist of quality music for my scenes. Beautiful, ethereal sounds with otherworldly voices and primal rhythms. Smoothly flowing in energy from a soft, incremental build-up to a surging urgency and then back again. That's the kind of music I like to play in. More than just background noise, good music creates an atmosphere to revel in my dominance.

Since getting my ipod, I notice how many people walk around with those little white headphones tucked into their ears. A male friend of mine complains that it's mostly women and that they're making it even harder to approach them. Yet I definitely notice a lot of men plugged in as well. Well, it makes sense that we are more observant of our objects of attraction. Or in my case, the people who would normally be paying attention to me ;-) There is a certain contentedness that comes with going about the day with one's very own soundtrack. Yet there is also something disconcerting about it. Another layer of insulation from cold, hard reality? It makes me think... Oh there's that M word again. It is like the Matrix already, isn't it?

Saturday, April 30, 2005

My last entry seems to have struck a chord with some of you. Shortly after posting my thoughts on chastity training, I received a number of inquiries from those curious about this special form of submission.

Such a positive response heartened me, as I initially had some reservations in writing about chastity. Would readers take it to mean that I am a prude? Yet in the end, I brushed these concerns aside because I wanted to convey the powerful and seductive effect this training had on me as the Mistress -- indeed, that energy exchange goes both ways.

Every time I venture into unexplored territory, my loyal slaves keep up with me. And with each step forward, I find other worthy slaves presenting themselves to me. Oh yes, I feel blessed by the abundance.

I had a wonderful double session the other week with the lovely Mistress Zara. Our combined experience and genuinely dominant presence made for a delightful time, at once luxuriously relaxed in our power and excited at the opportunity to toy with a slave together. Mistress Zara shares my interest in chastity training. I do feel fortunate to be able to discuss the finer points of femme supremacy with a seasoned cohort of The Gates.


A few words of appreciation to two slaves (you know who you are) whose generosity have inspired a love of leather in me. It took me a while to use that first gift certificate to Stormy Leather, as I had always thought leather to be more fitting for bikers or cowboys. Yet I have grown to really enjoy the earthy smell of new leather -- whether it's a tightly-laced custom corset on me or an even tighter laced arm restraint on my slave. Leather makes a sexy, supple second skin. It can be manipulated into many textures and colors. And it breathes a lot more than latex, that's for sure! I now own a beautiful dark purple leather victorian corset, am awaiting delivery of a metallic red and black leather military corset (seen here on the cover of DDI) with skirt and gloves, and will be getted fitted shortly for a gun-metal gray and black leather corset (on the cover of Skin Two). I'm planning a photo shoot this summer to highlight my new pieces.


OK you might by tired of hearing me go on about how I dig hot tranny porn. Too bad ;-) Brazil is coming out with some great stuff. Like Teenage Transexual Nurses: hot shemales in cute, little nurse uniforms dominating hard-bodied young men. Tying them up, slapping them around, giving them enemas and dildoing their asses! Also caught some excellent group scenes with T-girls, men and women with strap-ons all playing together. What I really grooved on was the almost gender-neutral vibe. How everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves -- and taking turns topping -- without all the silly homophobic constraints on behaviour. It's as if the presence of a transgendered liberates everyone from the bonds of conventional gender & power roles. Perhaps we are finally figuring out that we do not have to be slaves to our biology. As a pro domme and a true believer in what I do, I suppose it makes sense that I have found TS porn to be the most in line with my sexuality. Vanilla porn almost always has this femme sub undercurrent, which is one way of having fun but certainly not the only way!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Essential to my enjoyment is absolute control. And what better way to control than through chastity training? I have had the pleasure of expanding my experience in this area over the past few weeks. The level of satisfaction I felt in the act of muzzling my slaves was unexpected even to myself. While certainly not appropriate for everyone, it can be a highly stimulating means of conveying power.

Occasionally in the past, a new slave has presented himself to me already locked in a CB2000 or other chastity device. At the time, seeing their precious parts all locked up as they knelt at my feet did nothing for me. Now my previous reaction makes real sense to me. For if I did not order the muzzling, where is the excitement for me?

You see, what excites me about chastity training is the act of so directly restraining the slave's urges. The physical presence of the locking cage increases a slave's awareness of my control. It heightens lust by bringing attention to the groin area, yet continually teases the slave with zero access to relief on his own. And the fact that the slave must sit down to urinate heightens his vulnerability and my sense of control over his masculinity.

Such training may deepen the the Mistress-slave connection, allowing a peak into the type of bond formed when the servitude goes beyond the few hours spent in session. I have found it to be especially effective for my out-of-town slaves who ask to serve me on several occasions during their brief visits. A series of sessions over a week or two with chastity integrated into the training can be very intense! And I believe it adds a whole new dimension to one's entire trip. Attending a business meeting while secretly wearing a cock cage can certainly spice up one's day :-)

Below is an excerpt of an email sent to me by a sweet slave during his period of chastity.


i fell asleep peacefully last night having pleasant thoughts about YOU. As i lay there with the cage in place, i began thinking of how much i respect YOU. It is much more than the respect of a MISTRESS-slave relationship. i absolutely respect YOU as a SUPERIOR FEMALE and have the highest regard for YOUR skills as a MISTRESS. i crave to cower before YOU and worship YOU as the MISTRESS that YOU are. On another level, i deeply respect YOU as a person.

i appreciate YOUR openness and expression of care for me and others that you dominate. i respect and admire YOUR desire for learning and YOUR converting that into action. i admire YOUR openness to new experience and YOUR knowledge that YOU grow through such new experiences. i admire and respect YOUR own self-awareness, so eloquently expressed in YOUR BLOG and in person. i admire YOUR admission that YOU are learning more about YOURSELF and changing YOUR expectations as a result of this knowledge. i admire YOUR lack of fear of change. i admire and respect YOUR independence of thought, action, and course. YOU are a strong WOMAN who deserves the upmost respect and admiration. i could go on and on. All of this contributes to a SUPERIOR WOMAN who deserves complete adoration.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

I've been extremely busy these past few weeks as evidenced in my lack of blog entries! I did recently receive a nice rating and review of my blog from, which is a site run by a group of women that lists the best of adult-related content on the internet. While not everything I write is by any means a masterpiece -- this journal is a hodgepodge of random musings, gems in the rough and more thought-out pieces -- if you read back through my postings you will find that I do have my moments of inspiration :-)

Here is the review in full:

"Mistress Xia is a professional Dominatrix. This site is her blog, her online journal. It is well written – each entry reads like a brief poem. Her use of language is stunningly beautiful. There are a few photos in some of the entries, and there are a few entries which are simply announcements of events that she will be attending. Not one photo shows her face, though, so I don’t know if you would recognize her if you attended! There are links to her professional site, with a lot more photos and descriptions of services available and to The Gates website, which is apparently where she hosts her clients. Again, no facial shots of the mysterious Mistress Xia! The blog is less informative than simply a lovely artistic read."

Tuesday, April 5, 2005

FYI My replies to emails from yahoo addresses are bouncing back.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

I love San Francisco. It can be such a fun, freaky and sometimes unpredictable city. I was in the Castro on a beautiful sunny day last week browsing through sex shops for cool gear. I found some nicely made leather gags that were much more reasonably priced than the more prominent local SM shops. I must relate a funny exchange I had while in one store. When I asked the young clerk where the gags were, he pointed me to a bin full of novelty toys.

After a moment of sifting through the junk, I spotted an array of gags behind the glass counter. "Oh here they are!" I exclaimed. "Oops," he said. He had thought I had meant gag gifts :-)

I had him pull out an O-ring gag and began to examine it. He looked a bit mystified and seemed to want to say something. Finally he spoke up. "Can I ask you something?" he said a bit hesitantly. "Sure," I said. I was half expecting a little attitude, being a pretty straight-looking woman in a gay sex shop. Instead he asked, "What is that for?" I smiled. He was serious. When I explained that it was to hold a slave's mouth open so you could do things like piss in it, he looked stunned. "I had no idea," he said slowly.

He asked me how I knew so much. I told him I was a professional dominatrix. "What's that?" he asked. "I get paid to top people," I replied. "Wow," he said, "and you can make a living doing that?" I assured him I could.

I then asked the price of an electroplay butt plug attachment and ended up explaining how that worked as well. He seemed genuinely clueless, which was highly amusing given his current employment. It seemed as if he had just gotten off the bus from middle America. "I've only worked here a few weeks," he explained, "and we just got the SM stuff in the other day. But I really want to learn about it all."

"Well, you're in the right place," I said as I left with my purchases.

After popping in and out of a few different shops, I ended up with a nice collection including the o-ring gag and a gag with a mouth filler in the shape of the head of a cock. I also couldn't help but grab a small white hand towel with the word "SLUT" emblazoned in big black letters. That'll be fun to toss at one of my slaves once the slut's been all used up and worn out!

Shopping is definitely a rush of its own. Yet there's nothing quite like picking up a few kinky items to put a perma-grin on my face.


The other night I attended a male to female transexual beauty pageant: Model Search 2005 ( TS pageants always get me hot. I love over the top sexy women with a twisted edge, so how could I not like T-girls? Many are natural dommes, as their world is by definition a detour from the "norm" and they often combine the aggressiveness of a man with powerful feminine wiles. I can relate to their high sense of aesthetics. After all, I was raised in Hollywood so I dig a little eye candy now and then :-) The Model Search was a fun, feel-good event for a community that remains in the periphery of society. Fortunately, awareness continues to grow -- as evidenced by last year's winner Cassandra making a guest appearance on an episode of the TV show CSI.

I have a thing for good tranny porn. Ever since I turned pro domme, I've had some difficulty watching straight porn. For better or worse, I can no longer fully appreciate the traditional perspective of the male gaze. I am much more critical of how the men try to top the women, wondering whether the women are enjoying themselves and if the working conditions seem to be acceptable. So I am thankful for the recent surge of quality TS porn for saving my viewing pleasure. There's steamy action with masculine and feminine energy. At the same time, I'm not overly identifying to the point of distraction. Some level of objectification is necessary for my arousal!

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Model Search 2005 winners

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Sadly, the blog link on my Eros Guide ad had to be removed due to their new policy. Not sure exactly what the new standard is, just that blogs are not allowed. So if you have still managed to make your way to my provocative online journal, I commend you!

On the bright side, my main website continues to grow since its launch in 2002 and is fast becoming one of the most highly visited pro domme sites on the web. I am proud to say that is number one among SF Bay Area professional domina sites in traffic rankings. In fact, it is in the top 335,000 of all sites online, according to Alexa. Just watch out Yahoo, your'e next! Ha hah ;-)

Tuesday, March 8, 2005

I am a woman who knows the dirty thoughts that flicker through men's minds. The undercurrent of sexuality is an invisible force I enjoying playing with. Indeed, it has led to many titillating adventures. Deciphering this language of deep desire happens on a primal level -- the insinuation of subtle cues, the movement of one's body, the direction of one's gaze. Not so much on a conscious level, these feelings of hunger and yearning poke and prod just underneath the surface. It can be especially thrilling to sense these urges within an austere setting where such thoughts are supposedly prohibited: the office, school, even church. Oh yes, that is being bad now isn't it? To feel like a sinner, that's hot.

Then again, I find that those who best manage the paradox of desire -- that inexorable pull to do that which is forbidden -- are the ones who face these urges head on with lightheartedness and kindness. It's the ones who run away from their desires who often have the real hang-ups. Yet it's a balance, as some level of restraint and even shame intensifies one's passion. And there it is, for that's so much of what domination is about: the interplay of restraint and desire. Teasing, teasing, teasing... and denial. Not denial of all pleasure, rather a deliciously depraved detour from the established paradigm of male sexual fulfillment. Playing with the complexity and the conflict, which manifests so well in the dichotomy of pleasure and pain.

In my experience of playing with men's desire, I have driven some into a wild, unthinking frenzy. How many times have I heard the line "I can't help myself!"? So naturally, it should come as no surprise that I would not be satisfied with anything less than complete and utter control over my men. Binding you up to restrict your movement, exposing and tormenting your body to train you to my will, rewarding obedience with the softness of my skin -- if only for a few torturously brief moments. This is how I like to play with men. For if you can't control yourself, I certainly will. . . and enjoy every tantalizing moment of it.

Friday, March 4, 2005

I inhabit the land of Limbo. An in-between place where things are not always what they seem. Neither wholly this nor that, I have always lived between the lines. My birthright assured me of that -- half Asian, half white and born amidst a Latin culture that assumed me as one of its own. I passed for whatever people projected onto me. When I hung out with the hotties of Burbank in college, I was claimed as a white girl. In grade school I watched the more obviously Asian kids get teased relentlessly about their "ching chong" language, while I was accused of pretending not to understand spanish. In high school I had classmates who had been going to school with me since we were little, then senior year they'd finally ask me, "What are you anyway?" I suppose my exotic ethnic ambiguity vexed them, and they couldn't possibly have me graduate without giving them some sort of answer!

When I moved up to San Francisco, its vibrant and diverse Asian communities made me feel like I had found my home. Up here, almost everyone rightly guesses that I am Eurasian. And since the food and culture is so familiar to me, it feels good to be a part of it.

And yet my outsider status continues in other ways. Most obviously as a professional with a non-vanilla career and lifestyle. Even the conventions of the alternative subcultures I identify with are not something I follow.

I don't fit into any neat categories. I am a geek who looks good, which seems to be hard for some to deal with: the beautiful people put off by my quirkiness or the intellectuals who unconsciously discriminate against looks. Where's the love? Oh well, that's life. Not to be taken too seriously, mind you ;-) I'd take being an outsider any day.

Those slaves who appreciate a more esoteric allure, who cherish the beauty of complexity, who see the creativity and humor in life --you get it. And that is a most excellent thing for the Mistress!

Friday, February 25, 2005

I love all the titles one can pick and choose from as a dominatrix. To name a few: Empress, Lady, Domina, and of course, Mistress. When I began my career as a pro domme almost three years ago, I remained ambivalent as to which form of address to use. [This is one reason why my main URL is, though if you type in or it all re-directs to me.]

You see, one of my early mentors in the scene absolutely loathed the term "Mistress." Yet for me, this title has turned out to feel like the best fit. I enjoy its multi-layered connotations: it is the feminine form of both "mister" and "master," and also shares the same name as that of a long-taboo role for women -- the bad woman, the temptress, bringer of pleasure and pain. The word "Mistress" has just the right amount of serpentine hiss in its enunciation to arouse a sense of mysterious power when spoken. And yet as a title it is vague enough not to give anything away or box one in too much.

Ironically, in my life I have found numerous occasions where I have been called a "Princess." The other day my sister was looking online for my site. "What is it," she said, "" I had to laugh! Thank the heavens, life has always been good to me, enough so that I've felt quite pampered and special. But I've never been one to wear t-shirts or jewelry emblazoned with "Princess" or "Spoiled" or other silly things.

Then again, a friend of mine did kid me that Mistress sounds like Ms. Stress. Now that's a good one. But only the Mistress gets to joke about that one! Double standards are in force, slave -- and you'll love every minute of it!!!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

What with the February special going on, I've been getting booked up for the day within the first hour. If you have been to The Gates before, I recommend pre-booking your session. Even new clients can make an advance appointment with a $50 deposit -- email me directly for instructions. Best of luck!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Valentines Special

Announcement: The Gates is having a special offer for the month of February only. In the spirit of Valentines Day, sessions of an hour or longer will be $20 off. I advise calling early to secure your appointment.

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

I wanted to share a photo and email from one of my lovely slaves. A little background first. Despite the fact that Angela had been fantasizing for quite some time about feminization, she had not even begun to experiment with cross-dressing in all the years she had seen professional dominas -- until she came to visit me. From our very first session together, I sensed the possibility for a fruitful connection. Beneath her quiet exterior, I perceived a commonality in interests and outlook. I could see further exciting explorations on the horizon, once true trust was established.

Over the past 2 years, I have watched Angela transform into a self-assured, adventurous cross-dresser (who plays the part of delectable slut especially well on all fours in stockings and garter!) and a delightfully masochistic submissive.

Of course, we each have our own unique paths to follow. Yet whatever one's innermost desires may be, I take pride in creating an environment of trust, celebration and pleasurable self-exploration.

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Mistress Xia and slave Angela

From Angela's email to Mistress Xia:

Sometimes Angela wishes she could tell other people about Mistress Xia, because this is what she would talk about. First, she would credit Mistress for her spirit of life, both her own personal life and her ability to demonstrate to others to not be afraid to live boldly. Second, Angela would tell about Mistress' curiosity to explore - to search for new interests, new experiences, and new thresholds to cross... and to again give confidence to others to follow their own explorations. Third, Angela would describe how a person could combine kindness and cruelty in all the proper amounts at all the right times. Finally, Angela would try to describe to someone how fulfilling it is to be a slave to a wonderful Dom like Mistress Xia.

Tuesday, February 1, 2005

Over Halloween I procured a fun little naughty nurse's outfit. It's white vinyl with red trim with a matching hat. It's so shiny, slick and playful-- I feel like an anime character when I have it on. I wore it out for a friend's costume party and it certainly was an attention-getter!

Since I'm not into catheters, piercing or other more invasive play, I rarely do medically themed scenes. But I had so much fun playing the haughty and strict nurse wearing that get-up that I decided to concoct a scene especially to wear it in.

I enlisted one of my loyal slaves for the roleplay. He was a patient seeking a consultation with the celebrated psychiatrist Dr. Xia. But first he had to undergo a preliminary examination with Nurse Jezebel. Cold and clinical, I put him through increasingly intense procedures with little explanation. In a state of bewilderment, experiencing waves of pleasure and pain, my patient then witnessed his nurse transform into Dr. Xia. A slightly unconventional but highly illuminating initial examination -- testing out one's unguarded reactions to the provocative actions of a beautiful and powerful woman, Dr. Xia assures her patient. Now that was a fun scene ;-)

Monday, January 24, 2005

I'm back! I had a lovely vacation in Asia and am now getting back into the swing of things at The Gates :-)