Friday, March 4, 2005

I inhabit the land of Limbo. An in-between place where things are not always what they seem. Neither wholly this nor that, I have always lived between the lines. My birthright assured me of that -- half Asian, half white and born amidst a Latin culture that assumed me as one of its own. I passed for whatever people projected onto me. When I hung out with the hotties of Burbank in college, I was claimed as a white girl. In grade school I watched the more obviously Asian kids get teased relentlessly about their "ching chong" language, while I was accused of pretending not to understand spanish. In high school I had classmates who had been going to school with me since we were little, then senior year they'd finally ask me, "What are you anyway?" I suppose my exotic ethnic ambiguity vexed them, and they couldn't possibly have me graduate without giving them some sort of answer!

When I moved up to San Francisco, its vibrant and diverse Asian communities made me feel like I had found my home. Up here, almost everyone rightly guesses that I am Eurasian. And since the food and culture is so familiar to me, it feels good to be a part of it.

And yet my outsider status continues in other ways. Most obviously as a professional with a non-vanilla career and lifestyle. Even the conventions of the alternative subcultures I identify with are not something I follow.

I don't fit into any neat categories. I am a geek who looks good, which seems to be hard for some to deal with: the beautiful people put off by my quirkiness or the intellectuals who unconsciously discriminate against looks. Where's the love? Oh well, that's life. Not to be taken too seriously, mind you ;-) I'd take being an outsider any day.

Those slaves who appreciate a more esoteric allure, who cherish the beauty of complexity, who see the creativity and humor in life --you get it. And that is a most excellent thing for the Mistress!