Friday, June 30, 2006

Away for Independence Day

I am heading out of town for the holiday, returning to The Gates Friday the 7th 11am-8pm. Have a good one...

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Alert readers may have noticed that I changed my xia-bdsm.com page previously entitled “Submissive Profile” to “Slave Profile.” After some consideration, I came to the conclusion that the latter is a more apt description for the majority of those who see me.

It can be difficult, especially in the beginning, for some men to admit to having a submissive side. Understandable when one considers the many restrictions put upon the traditional male role. Restrictions in what they can wear, how they talk, even how and what they eat -- and still confidently call themselves masculine.

In my experience, the male ego is often deeply entangled in conventions of male dominance. So in a way, the word “slave” is more all-encompassing in that it can include willing submissives as well as those who have mixed feelings and even resistance to the role.

The idea of enslavement -- being forced against one’s will to submit to deviant acts – can be a means of liberating oneself from any lingering guilt or shame, those shadows of our repressed past.

Slave play is not the most politically correct fantasy, which is one reason why I originally changed the page on my site to “Submissive Profile.” Yet in the end, I believe that the taboo nature of this roleplay is exactly what makes it so arousing.

I actually reverted back to “Slave Profile” some time ago. I hesitated to write about it in my blog because I didn’t want to come off as being indecisive, waffling back and forth. Yet changing one’s mind is a natural part of one’s evolution in thinking and perception. It’s strange and a little sad how in this world that can be construed so negatively.
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I consider what I do in a play scene to be an art form -- part performance art, part psycho-intuitive channeling. As an artist, I take my domination seriously. I do not just run through a list of activities which have been requested. I look at the scene as a composition bringing together various fetishes with compelling music, costumes, scenery and at least two willing mind-bodies ready to exchange energy.

My passion for this work sometimes flares. My artistic temperament can bring forth an outburst of emotion. I feel strongly about what I consider my proper role as a domina, and the strength of my conviction can be quite firm.

In an initial session with me, I can be fairly stern in my corrections of behaviour I deem inappropriate. Please do not be dismayed or overly apologetic if this happens. I would simply be remiss if I didn’t take the training aspect of slave training seriously.

Rarely do I find a slave who is not in need of some behaviour modification! Each domina is a unique person with her very own preferences and I wouldn't expect a virtual stranger to know what mine are.

You don’t have to be perfect, just willing to learn and grow as a slave while enjoying the journey with me. It can be a wild and intensely gratifying trip when you truly surrender.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I confess to being a bit of an adrenaline junkie. I love the rush of a hard-driving experience. Whether it's working out, dancing all night or topping one of my submissives, I revel in breakthrough moments when pure, overwhelming intensity washes over everything. Getting swept up in a whirlwind of energy, yet never losing control completely as one spirals through pleasure and pain.

The charge that comes with dominating is often not a directly physically-induced sensation. Much of it depends on establishing a good connection with the slave. Being highly attuned to the permutations of their masochistic and submissive leanings as we act them out. The pleasure I derive is almost like a contact high. It's being there psychically, so that I also ride out the peaks and valleys of their journey.

For me, being a sadist is not about remaining the outsider, simply observing the pain of another. I like to call myself a sadomasochist because the word blends the twin concepts of sadism and masochism, hinting at their yin-yang duality. When I am guiding a scene and a space of ecstatic SM is created -- be it from physical or psychological torment -- I am immersed in a way that is bigger than any individual self, and in this sense I am both sadist and masochist.

I have always had sadistic inclinations, but I have not always known how to deal with them in a healthy way. I remember making my little brother stand on a stool to reach up for something in the cupboard, just so I could pull it out from under him and watch him fall. I remember seeing how many times I could bring my little sister to tears, then console her, then bring her back to tears again. I remember verbally castigating my older brother countless times for what I perceived of as his emotional weakness.

I am not proud of these childish forays, when I was still finding my moral compass. I did not know how to be a decent sadist -- certainly never heard of safe, sane and consensual! I only knew that it sometimes felt good to be mean, but that it also made me feel like there was something wrong with me. At the worst of times, I felt rotten to the core. Sadly, conventional society provided very few pointers.

Back then I was an angry kid, frustrated at a world that just didn't seem to fit me, particularly in my sense of gender-power relations or sexuality. How could I know then that there was a perfect place for me? That one day I could be happy playing "mean" to people I genuinely care about. And that afterwards they wouldn't try to make me feel guilty for these darker instincts, but would applaud me and pay tribute to me for my talents. I count my lucky stars :-)

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I had a fun shoot yesterday with photographer David Perry, who is awesome to work with -- creative, exacting and at the same time easy-going. In this photo I'm wearing a vintage kimono and holding a bo-ken, which is a wooden stick used for practicing samurai sword-fighting.

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Saturday, June 10, 2006

Four Years

This past Monday marked my four-year anniversary as a professional dominant. Since I have been with The Gates from the very beginning, Monday also marks my four-year anniversary at the Bay Area's premiere House of Domination.

I am still having the time of my life! I love being a pro domme. And I love the women of The Gates. I consider it a rare privilege to be a part of this community of strong-willed women so diverse in lifestyle and background, yet who are all sexually open-minded and agreeable :-)

It really is quite special to work with so many unique and independent spirits. We have different ideas about what this is all about. Different fetishes turn us on or off. Yet we share a space of non-judgment and camraderie with one another. I am grounded at The Gates and I know that feeling of centeredness is transferred into my power play.

I feel so fortunate to be able to support myself doing this work. It's been so much fun that one of the bigger challenges has been not turning into a workaholic! ;-) And with that, I bid you adieu*