Friday, December 28, 2007

Storming into 2008

2008 is sneaking up on us, isn't it? Mistress can hardly believe that the year is almost over! Can you believe I haven't even made New Year's plans? This year I think I'll forgo the big parties. Perhaps head into the woods and enjoy the quiet peace that only Mother Nature can provide.

Though some may think it a bit contrived, I do look at this time to contemplate where I have been and where I'd like to go in this life's journey. Year-end reviews are not so much in the form of resolutions for me, at least not in the sense of hard and fast rules that I hope to enforce upon myself. It's more of a self-examination and a brain-storming session to come up with new goals to focus on and areas to explore.


I had a conversation today with a prospective submissive about a particular fetish which I have yet to indulge in, but which has intrigued me for some time. We spoke of the thrill of playing on that psychological edge, where both top and bottom players are challenged, so that the energy itself takes on an almost uncomfortable quality. I know such scenes are not for everyone. Yet the thought of it most definitely gave Mistress a rush! I will refrain from writing further about this unnamed fetish until I have tested the waters a bit more...

Though I will say that, within reason (which of course, is subjective), I am open to many kinds of play scenarios. Equally as important as the fetish being indulged in, is the mental exchange. I have found that most smart people who have a sense of humor and a level of self-awareness indicative of someone who works on him/herself are great "partners in crime" in the dungeon. So much of what goes on is above and beyond the physical acts. Bottom line for me: it's all about the mind fuck.


2008 will be my first New Year as an independent dominatrix. I spent this past year transitioning. I have been so very grateful for the continued support and amazing connections I have enjoyed with my stable of submissives, as well as the new faces (and bodies and minds!) who have humbled themselves before me.

Now I feel it's time to heighten my presence within the international community of serious Mistresses. I am also contemplating moving my site url and email to a more uniform "xiavox" address, especially since the dash in my website and the dot in my email address can get a bit confusing.


Happy New Year all you lovely kinksters! Peace, blessings and wicked times. . .

~Mistress Xia Vox~

fyi- special gallery updated today

Friday, December 21, 2007

Happy Holidays sluts!

I have just had a wonderful streak of sweet n saucy sissy sluts (try saying that 3 times fast!). Wickedly good fun whipping my lovely pussy-boys into proper shape as servants and servicers ;-) It all has been quite inspiring. It does feel like I'm coming back to my roots.

Gender-bending, wielding the power of the phallus and slut training have been dear to my heart from the start of my journey as a dominant. Sadly, I more recently felt compelled to shy away from this strong passion of mine because of too many negative encounters. I still love the imagery and symbolism of strap-ons, but dislike how it attracts inquiries of a decidedly unseemly caliber.

No doubt, harness and dildo can be straight-to-the-point tools in the sodomizing of man by woman. But it needn't be so simplistic and lacking in subtlety. When I say I love this, it does not mean I want to bugger every Tom, Dick and Harry who happens to cross my path!

To me, the term slut training is so much more than a mere synonym for strap-on play. It's an entire way of seeing the D/s dynamic - one where the submissive is a slave to his own lust, and that is the key by which Mistress controls him. Chained to his wayward libido, the slave is at the mercy of the Woman Who Knows. Yes, the woman who knows the truth of his depravity, and who can match the dirtiest of his thoughts and take the twist even further.

Happy holidays sluts! Mistress looks forward to more blissful perversions in 2008...

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Friday, October 26, 2007

Agent Xia

More from David Perry. He's awesome!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Samurai Xia

A killer pic from a recent shoot. Very Kill Bill/Sin City/Underworld. More to come soon. . .


Sunday, October 21, 2007

Special Gallery Updated

To those in my stable-

Added a few more pics to the password protected gallery.



Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Ava Noir ~ Xia Vox

I was both surprised and incredibly flattered to find a note in my inbox entitled "Apprentice" from Ms. Ava Noir. She had read my Comrades-in-Arms page, where I encourage like-minded women to train under me, and she let me know she was interested in becoming my protege.

As some of you may know, Ms. Noir has been practicing the craft of professional domination for the past two years. So many others with her level of experience would never think of approaching a fellow domina, but Ava had the guts and humility to know that such a relationship could prove fruitful and rewarding for us both. She let me know of her desire to delve deeper into certain skill sets including bondage, CBT, electroplay, CP, and play piercing.

Above and beyond activity particulars, I believe there is also much to glean from observing how an experienced dominant works with those intangible qualities of presence and energy exchange. And as for me, I am already inspired by Ava's enthusiasm and motivation. Indeed, I think the two of us together will prove to be a force to be reckoned with, and a whole hell of a lot of fun too!

So I am pleased to announce the opportunity to serve Ms. Ava Noir and Mistress Xia Vox together. Powerful, beautiful, crafty and twisted. Of the Asian persuasion and dominant to the core. Enjoy the flexing of our muscles -- both mental and physical -- as we explore your submission.

Those interested in seeing the two of us in a double session may inquire by sending me an email: If you have not served me before, please take the time to fill out my submission questionnaire.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Seeing More of Me

New images of Mistress should be a sweet salve for my diminished writing (see last post). I just finished up one shoot and have at least a couple more lined up. They will be added to my main site shortly. In the meantime, here is picture of me relaxing on my throne. Enjoy...

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Thursday, September 27, 2007

Oh Xia, Wherefore Art Thou Online?

I know some of you are going through withdrawal with me not posting lately, but I really do have to take it easy with the computer. I am realizing overuse of this most convenient and ubiquitous device can be quite disastrous for me. So it looks like I'll be extending my break a bit longer - don't expect much for at least the next month or so. Thankfully, my arm strain has not affected my topping abilities! Be well...

~Mistress Xia

Sunday, August 19, 2007

End of Summer

I've got to lay off the keyboard to avoid further strain on my arm - I've been writing a lot for this project I'm working on. I'll have to forgo any more entries until after Burning Man. Take care and have a great Labor Day (it's the end of summer already!). I'll be back blogging in September.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

From Russia With Love

A friend sent me this link, an article in Russian using the cyrillic alphabet which features several photos from my site. At first perplexed, I ran it through Google's translator and got this rough translation.

There are many idiomatic phrases which failed to cross over -- and make for funny, almost poetic reading. But from what I can make out, the author seems to recounting her experience working at houses of domination in New York.

Why my pictures are used is a bit of a mystery, but I do appreciate the caption beneath each which identifies me.

I'll take it as a compliment that my images are so iconic they can represent the Femme Domme aesthetic in some random article published on the other side of the world!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Popularity, Exclusivity and Taking the Leap

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Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Updated Gallery - For My Slaves

A quick note to my slaves~

I just added more photos to my private gallery. I know that I haven't gifted the password to everyone, so feel free to get in touch with me. It's restricted access because I want to reserve something special for those who are actively serving me. Plus there are certain images which I only feel comfortable sharing with submissives whom I have met and had successful scenes together. These beautiful pictures offer a multi-dimensional view of Mistress. Enjoy!

Friday, August 3, 2007

Lovely Ladies

I am pleased to announce that my dear friend Christine, a lifestyle submissive who recently entered the professional arena, is now available for double sessions. Chrisine's website is

I have connections with most of the established dommes in the Bay Area, and have an especially convenient set-up playing out of Maison de la Maitresse in San Francisco, where several other prominent dominas also conduct sessions. If you are wondering if a particular combination is possible, feel free to ask.

Here is a more recent pic of wicked Mistress Isa. I am sad to see her go, but excited at the prospect of doing a few last scenes together. She will only be available this coming week, then again the last week in August when I'll be out of town. With so little time for her to play, I'm going to go ahead and plug her here for one-on-ones as well. She may be reached at

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Here is a pic of wild Mistress Sophie, visiting from Paris. She is now more of a redhead than a blonde, but otherwise just as stunning and powerful. La Maitresse has been a joy to play off of in scene together -- naturally kinky, creative and spontaneous. I look forward to more...

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Monday, July 30, 2007

Double Trouble

I must admit, since leaving The Gates I have missed the feminine camraderie of a group dynamic. So though in the past I was hesitant to bring in new energy into a scene, lately I have discovered the joys of adding other ladies into the mix. And two of my favorite femme fatales have popped up and are available for doubles.

Sweet and sexy Mistress Isa is retiring from professional domination and having one last hurrah before she goes. Scroll down my blog and you will see a nice picture of Isa and me with a strap-on. She is available for doubles with me from August 1st - 10th.

Former circus performer and French vixen Mistress Sophie is visiting from Paris for at least the next month. She is available for doubles with me starting on the 5th of August.

I also recently trained a lovely petite Filipina domina named Hana, who is now at The Gates. Hana took the initiative of contacting me to ask if she could apprentice under me.

I discussed the possibility of taking on a trainee with other indie pro dommes and got mixed to negative reviews on the process. I was told it was a lot of work and that they could be flaky.

But Hana completely charmed me and I decided to take a chance with her. I am glad I did! I realized how much I love teaching for its own sake, and Hana was wonderful inside and outside of scene.

So, I am now entertaining applicants for apprenticeship under me. The following qualities are essential: being personable, presentable, timely, ethical and enthusiastic.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Back from La La Land. . . But Not for Long!

I'm back! At least for the next four weeks. Then I'll be away again on a camping/Burning Man trip. I haven't been to the Burn since 2002, so it should be interesting to re-visit this great art/party/society experiment in the Nevada desert. Of course being "old school," (I first went in '96 and made it out there about every 3 years since), I have had to shed my preconceived notions and expectations of how it should be.

It seems like whenever we have an amazing experience somewhere, we want to hold onto it, possess it and claim it as our own. We don't want it to change, and any change that does happen always seems for the worse. I have seen this happen over many cycles now with Burning Man. Different urban tribes fighting over the right to call Black Rock City their home. The Mission hipsters versus the glittery club kids versus the Mad Max goths versus the new age circus freaks versus. . . You see what I mean.

I guess I'm feeling more philosophical about it after having recently completed a 2-week-long silent meditation retreat. The idea of impermanence was the main focus of the teachings given. Alas, there would be no soft landing back in San Francisco where I could slowly integrate the realizations and clarity I experienced after so many days of sitting for hours on end observing myself. Instead I had to make a last-minute trip down south to take care of some family matters. Less than 24 hours after leaving the peaceful grounds of the meditation center, I found myself checking into a hotel in Hollywood. Ah well, I am sure that was somehow part of the lesson I needed to learn. The universe has a great sense of humor in its delivery of blessings - just when you think that you've figured it all out and can stay in that blissful zone, you're tripped up and humbled all over again.

What is it about my hometown that gets to me? It's the sheer and relentless negativity of the place. It's so rare to catch people in unguarded moments smiling down there. It's like a black cloud that hovers over everything. I realized when I was down there that it is possible to be a beacon of light amid this darkness, but I haven't gotten there yet. I'm a bit like a hothouse flower who doesn't do well in the extreme conditions of that land. But I am getting better at creating a shield of positivity around me. Maybe one day. . .

I went out one night to a dance club a few blocks from the hotel. Outside after hours it was a total scene. All the women wore really high stiletto heels and short dresses that looked like shirts. Cliques of people talked among themselves, yet you could tell that unlike the San Francisco club scene, nobody there knew anyone else beyond their little group. I think only the famous get to have a sense of community in the nightlife scene. In a way, they ruin it for everyone else. If you don't have money or fame, you are considered a peon. That's probably why LA has that distinctively Third World feeling to it.

The club had very attractive people - perfect hair, faces and bodies - but such harsh energy, not open or friendly. Nice cars in the lot - lamborghinis, bentleys, rolls royce. And lots of papparazzi. Oh, there must be celebrities here. Who's that in the chauffer-driven SUV they're all taking pictures of? Could it be? Damn, it is Paris Hilton. The windows are tinted but lit up by the strobes of the camera flashes. She is talking on the phone, tilting and turning her head every second to show a different angle to her face. Wow, I guess she's real and not a figment of our collective imagination. Though she could be a cylon, don't you think? ;-)

A few nights later I headed to TS-themed Illusions at Club 7969. There were three transsexual performers who danced, lipsynched and stripteased down to topless. My favorite is Yasmin Lee. It's always a bit strange to talk to someone you've watched having sex on your computer, but she is totally sweet and self-assured. I like it when a TS is completely comfortable and not threatened by me. That's as important to me as sexiness. Yasmin loves sex and tells me how she had a few gangbangs at Power Exchange back in the day. I asked if it was for a movie. She says no and I say "even better."

We also meet Bob from Bob's T-girls. At first I don't realize that he's the Bob from the well-known TS porn site, then I'm like "Oh you're that Bob!" It was kinda funny. He probably doesn't get too many genetic women who know who he is.

As soon as I walked into Illusions, I felt like I had come home. Sure, there was plenty of plastic and a superficial focus. But this was outsider's territory. People daring to walk outside convention to fulfill their dreams, despite the disapproval and discrimination. I felt giddy in there, excited by the uninhibited sexual energy of the TS performers and clubgoers, and feeling support for my own unconventional approach to sexuality.

Watching non-genetic women shake their booty had less emotional baggage and was more pure enjoyment for me. Real women are practically required to flaunt their goods in places like LA, which makes it no fun. You see that look in some real women's eyes: that tired, hungry, bored gaze that comes from perpetually putting on a show and waiting for validation. Hollywood's shadow turns every woman into a whore down here. It's pretty obnoxious and old-fashioned. But in Illusions, sitting there with my hair tied back, no make-up and glasses to show that I wasn't playing that game tonight, I just felt like I wanted to hold and protect this space where true sexual liberation was being exalted and celebrated. Now that was beautiful.

Well, it's good to be back! 4 weeks to play. . .

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Summer Time

Those who have been following my blog for some time know that summertime Mistress gets a bit lazy about writing. So many fun things to do out in the sun rather than sit at my desk chained to the computer!

So I'm extending my vacation through to the end of July. I will be checking email and have my appointment phone, so feel free to contact me to set something up for August.

I'd also like to give an honorable mention to my dear sweet N for the lovely gift of the leather riding crop with Swarovski diamante encrusted handle (catalogue photo above) from that most excellent of lingerie designers - Agent Provocateur. Nicely done! I just love their aesthetic. How most of their models seem to have naturally gorgeous bodies, which look so sleek in those sexy little fashions. They also have that extra bit of naughtiness in their presentation -- perhaps because they are based out of London rather than puritanical America -- with playful kinkiness on display in some of their photos, the models holding paddles to each other's bottoms or wearing collars and leads. Now that's my kind of lingerie shoppe!

I promise to write more when I get back from my trip. Until then, keep it twisted. . .

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Going Under

Going Under
Here we go again. This got deleted the first time...

A like-minded girlfriend of mine asked me to accompany her to a screening of the independent film "Going Under" at the Roxy. Since the two of us both have an interest in femme domination and psychology, we looked forward to seeing how the relationship between a pro domme and her client (who is a therapist) would be portrayed. The story revolved around their obsessive interactions, which move from weekly BDSM sessions to off-site, informal chats and attempts at more conventional forms of intimacy.

Shortly after the film started, my friend and I found ourselves stifling laughter at various aspects of the storyline. From our point of view as pro dommes, some of the details did not seem believable. It became obvious to us that this was coming exclusively from a client's point of view. There wasn't a sense that the script had even been run by a pro domme or two to get their perspective. For example, there is one scene where the dominatrix meets with a woman who runs a house of domination and they repeatedly refer to their "customers." I have been a professional dominant for almost five years. I don't think I've ever heard any of my peers refer to the individuals who see them as their "customers." It sounds tacky. It's usually "clients," though some of us like to always refer to our people as our subs or slaves. I have only heard men use the word "customer", so when I heard it coming out of the mouths of women in the industry, it did not ring true.

There is another scene where the domme says rather too sweetly and submissively, "Would you like to get pierced?" Her client is laying back - not tied up! - with his arms folded behind his head, looking relaxed and kingly. "Sure," he says. She then proceeds to pierce him using her bare hands. I know there are a few brave souls out there who eschew gloves, but for most of us that is an unnecessary and stupid risk. My friend and I agreed that the energy of the scene didn't feel right. It was too casual and too overtly focused on pleasing the man. My scenes are much more controlled and immersed in a Dominant/submissive dynamic. In this film, it all came off much more as a service being provided. The domme was emotionally fragile and overly acquiescent -- she even cries after one session! Her power is portrayed as little more than a facade.

Though not the most politically correct conclusion, my friend and I attributed part of the domme's lack of leverage to the fact that she was quite plain. One cannot deny that men, who are so visually-oriented, are more easily manipulated by a pretty face. The story felt real in the sense that I could tell it was based on some man's adventures. And in that way, it was fascinating if a bit horrifying -- frankly, he would not have been an ideal applicant for myself, with his boundary-pushing and neediness.

An underlying theme of this overwrought drama is guilt. Confronted about her growing closeness to this client, the domme is told by her girlfriend that she has a "guilty look on your face." The man's wife, who has an agreement with him which allows him to see pro dommes, tells him "You know, you hurt me." All this hand-wringing and agonizing. The misguided desire to take responsibility for other people's emotions. Hang Up Central. Like I've said before, guilt and shame can be a fun game to play. But I prefer real life to be a bit on the lighter side.

The film did provoke some soul-searching in myself about my next steps as a domme. I realized even more how important it is that those who serve me take their role as submissive seriously, rather than see me primarily as a service provider. I plan on going over my site content, making any adjustments which may better reflect my current state of mind. I want to take out any remnants of brazen commercialism. This work is too sacred to boil it down to just that. A subtle, mysterious and sophisticated journey, a sensual-spiritual connection, cathartic sacrifice and ecstatic tribute. These are some of my truths. . .

I am alive with ideas, open both to the possibilities and the sense of not knowing yet what is to come. I embrace my powers, and relish putting these talents to even greater use as events unfold. The wheels are turning!

On that note, for those who remember this picture, Isa will be available to join me in session after next week. As you can see, there may be greater flexibility of activities with a fellow femme player present -- like Mistress busting out her strap-on! And the good news does not stop: I may have a lovely cohort training with me soon. Ah yes, I like the idea of an apprentice.

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

What I've Been Reading and Watching: Kushiel's Dart, The Gwen Araujo Story

I recently finished the first two books in a fantasy series by Jacqueline Carey. The first is called "Kushiel's Dart" and it is heart-stoppingly good! Set in a mythical post-medieval France, the story centers on a courtesan who is also trained as a spy. She is an anguisette, which means she experiences pain as pleasure. She is trained as an adept of one of the Houses of Naamah. Servants of Naamah are male and female courtesans whose work carries the sacred weight of a spiritual act. Each house has its own focus, including ones for aesthetic perfection, merriment, sadism, masochism, and money fetish. There is plenty of hot BDSM in the novel, as well as court intrigue, romance and epic battles. Ms. Carey is a highly perceptive and daring author, with insights touching upon the nature of human interactions, politics, sex and sociology. I loved it!

I caught "A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story" on the Lifetime channel. I half didn't want to watch it because I knew it would break my heart. No happy ending here. I was really moved by this story, which brought me to tears too many times to count. Gwen's struggle to be accepted by her family, her misguided romance with an ex-Marine who supposedly didn't know she was transgender, her lack of support at high school leading to skipped days and a drinking problem. I think we have all felt the pain of not belonging, of wanting to be loved for who we are, of not wanting to pretend anymore. But even more than that, I relate to TSs in a more subtle way. Even if they want to play at sweet and innocent, their cocks make them a target. It's like "nasty girl" written across their forehead. Too many close-minded people think that means they do not deserve respect. I know what it's like to be oppressed for my dirty mind. Shame sucks when it's not a game.

I remember when I first heard the news of her death, which took place in Hayward here in the Bay Area. She was murdered by 3 young men she had "tricked" at a party. Believing her a biological female, she had messed around with each. Later on, she was lured back so they could take their revenge. She was only 17 years old.

I remember the shock of it. How could this happen so close to San Francisco? Here we are in our golden cage. Hayward? I can't say I've ever been there. In mentality, it seems a thousand miles away. At least that's how it was portrayed in the film. In fact, they didn't even mention its proximity to San Francisco.

After watching her story, the only consolation I could think of was knowing that these men who killed her, who were so afraid of their own sexuality, are now in the hell of jail -- a place with plenty of grim opportunities to test their sexuality further. Revenge is such an empty feeling.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Recently, I've noticed the term "straponista" being used by other pro dommes. Now if I may be so bold, I do believe that I helped spread this particular meme. Three years ago, I came up with the word Straponista as a play on the word Fashionista. I had just watched Fashionistas - the fetish-laden porn starring Rocco and Belladonna. At the time, I was totally into the fantasy of being a femme version of Rocco, rocking it out with my cock out. I even started a yahoo group called Straponista for strap-on lovers to congregate, though I never had time to keep it up so it's probably all spammed out at this point.

Those of you who have been with me for a while may recall the Straponista photo album on my old site. I'll always love the gender-bending power of dildo and harness, though these days I am not so keen to pull it out at the drop of a hat. I am a bit more restrained in person as well as on the web, so you won't see those photos on my main site anymore. But if you are in my stable and would like to take a peak, you may request a password to the special gallery where I have all those fun strap-on pics on display.


I am enjoying pushing myself with new physical challenges. Rock climbing has been a sport I've started exploring. Even in the crowded climbing gyms of the Bay Area, it's become obvious to me that this activity is so much about the individual facing up to her own fears and fatigue. It's been a trip. I'm also planning on getting certified to dive soon, though I admit the cold waters of Monterey don't sound that inviting. Getting more adventurous in more ways than one!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

New Perspective

It has become clearer to me since leaving The Gates that there are some fundamental differences between the majority of those who see ladies in a house and those who see independents. Of course, it would take this leap from one territory to another for it to become more apparent to me. No one had really explained it to me fully, and in fact I had been told there were no real qualitative differences between the two in terms of running of the scene. But I have not found that to be the case. Fortunately, I am quite pleased with the change.

Now from this new vantage point, what have I noticed? For one, there seem to be less expectations on the part of my submissives. I welcome this, and admit that if I had known how much of a hustle it was before in comparison, I would have gone independent sooner. I think there is a certain type of man who likes to go to houses because his fantasy is that the women there are relatively free and easy. He is the one who asks for full nudity, girl-girl and toyshows (none of which I ever did), not tipping beyond the $150 for the hour as he says "So am I the first you've seen today?" with a glint in his eye, imagining how many men have been on their knees before them. I always found it strange that the men who expected the most gave the least, though I suppose it makes sense if one sees the women as cheap sluts. By my last year at the house, what with all my skills and experience, I really began to chafe at these most undesirable of servants.

As for independence, I think for the submissive it feels more special to know that you have the undivided attention of the Mistress, such that one is more willing to pay greater tribute while at the same time be less demanding in requests of activities, particularly those of a sensual nature. I suppose it comes down to the fact that it is that much closer to the ideal of true femme domination, where one is happy for the simple privilege of being in the presence of a beautiful and wickedly clever Mistress. And with the sumptuous settings of the private playspaces at my disposal, as soon as one walks through the door the dynamic begins. So it is more of an all-encompassing experience.

Yet even with this knowledge, I would not have left too soon from The Gates. I cherish the camraderie I felt with the other ladies there. And I do not think I would feel as comfortable with my independence if I did not have my ample stable to support me through the transition. Truth be told, independence almost feels like semi-retirement. Now that I no longer spend three days a week in the East Bay, I have more time, energy and inspiration to continue expanding my explorations both within and outside the world of kink. I still take sessions at least twice a week, but it is so much easier to work my appointments around the rest of my day rather than take up the whole of it.

Towards the end of my time at the house, I think I began to use it as means of stalling, afflicted by trepidation at what to do next. I mean, being a full-time dominatrix is a tough act to follow. I did not want to find myself back in the grind of mundane work. Thankfully, my session tributes have allowed me the freedom and flexibility to explore my options with joyfulness and power, which is so much better than coming from a place of anxiety or desperate need. And I have discovered that it can be equally fun and exciting to inhabit other personas -- writer and businesswoman, to name two I am concentrating on at the moment. I confess to relishing a dramatic framework from which to view my life, and am thankful for the opportunities which continue to present themselves to me in that vein. Carpe diem, indeed.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I'm Back!

I'm back from vacation and feeling well rested and ready to play! I'll be posting a more specific schedule on my site soon. Enjoy this beautiful day :-)

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Outdoor Adventures

I just got back from an exhilarating cross country ski trip in Tahoe. I am leaving tomorrow for Florida: snorkeling the coral reefs off the Keys, canoeing the Everglades and partying in South Beach. For those who have sent me emails or submitted a questionnaire in the last few days, I'll be following up after I return on the 26th.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

"Consistency is the Horror of the World"

With my recent independence has come a welcome shift in perspective: taking sessions feels much more like a fun, secret hobby and a lot less like a real job. Not spending three days a week crossing the bridge for an 8+ hour shift has freed up my schedule. This has allowed me the opportunity to delve into other work and interests, which in turn has made me even more appreciative of my session time while also motivating me to even higher standards of play. My questionnaire on my website has been a boon, assisting me in screening for the most suitable candidates for my particular style of domination.

"Consistency is the horror of the world," wrote Brenda Ueland. I love that quote because for me, each day brings its own realizations as I continually shift and flow. Some people think of a plan and stick with it no matter what. I prefer to combine reason with intuition, both thinking and feeling my way to the next level. And so my mind changes, which you may have witnessed in the reading of my blog. God forbid! I don't know why people act like it's the worst thing thing in the world to change one's mind. Ideas may be fleeting for me. But my passions, my committments -- those are unusually strong in me, inspiring loyalty and deep connection.

Before, I thought that being a full-time dominatrix was best. Don't we always think that whichever way we are currently doing something is best? Our silly mind chatter! It's really quite laughable if you don't take it all so seriously. I remember reading this quote from the porn star Francesca Le, who has been making movies since the early '90s. For most of her career she had un-augmented, very small breasts. Then a few years back she got breast implants. She was talking about picking female talent for a series she was directing and she said something like "There's nothing worse than a woman who's skinny and flat-chested." Whoa! Wasn't that you for most of your career, Ms. Le? We become so attached to whatever our current view is, even to the point of bashing our former incarnations. If we can't even accept our former selves, how are we supposed to have tolerance for anyone else?

It's about time! That's how I feel about broadening my career path. After four years of being exclusively a pro domme, certain patterns have become engrained. Come on, wouldn't you be a little spoiled too if you'd been worshipped, adored and served -- your virtues extolled in verse, your whims catered to with precious gifts and your every command taken as the word of the Goddess? Yet despite these small challenges, being Mistress Xia continues to be an incredibly enriching and rewarding experience. Certainly, most of what I have learned has been good. Inhabiting this role has imbued me with a graceful ease and self assurance in my own uniqueness, along with so much more. Yet I am glad that I made the decision to diversify at this point. I am looking forward to getting involved in traditional business again (oh that's going to make all the rest seem that much more naughty!) and I've been working on my non-Xia writing as well. It's all about balance. I think that will only make me a better Mistress. Now the hours I spend in the dungeon are simply a time of joyful immersion in Mistress-slave play, with submissives I enjoy and who truly get me.

Friday, March 2, 2007

On Vacation March 9th - 26th

What a beautiful day it's been! Just wanted to let everyone know that I will be on vacation starting Friday March 9th until Sunday March 25th.

I have some availability next week before I leave. Check in with me at or call my appointment line.


As I sat there, working on the computer, with the television on the in background playing Spike TV -- program after program of men beating each other up or acting like jack asses alongside snippets of sexy women thrown in as commercials and teasers, I had to wonder at myself.

In my youth, I know I would have considered a channel like Spike to be a travesty. I would have looked at all the T & A and mindless aggression as contributing to the evil of the world through its objectification of women and promotion of macho culture.

Hell, I probably was right. But the fact of the matter is that at this point in my life, that's the kind of TV I like to watch. Right now I am looking at a cute, busty brunette in sexy lingerie talking to the camera. And in a few seconds it'll be the guys again pulling stupid stunts like getting kicked in the balls by a porn star or hot peppers shoved up their ass. Wait a second, it is a bit like my work, now isn't it? Especially since I invariably keep it on mute, which is as good as my trusty ball gag for keeping the peace ;-)

Indeed, it's humbling to the ego when the things that used to offend now have appeal. It makes me realize how the judgments we hold so dearly are truly subjective; dependent upon the stage of evolution we inhabit at the time.

Things are much more postmodern for me now. I try to keep my absolutism to a minimum i.e. "This is right" or "This is bad." I mean, how can I judge when I have experienced first-hand both incredible self-righteousness and a complete turnaround in how I view power dynamics?

I had been raised and steeped in the feminist tradition of seeing women as victims, interpreting every action in a bitter and strident tone. Or course, women did have it worse off. Growing up in the shadow of Hollywood in the '90s, there were no women kicking ass as action heroes or presidents or pretty much any leading role in American movies. Susan Faludi's Backlash documented this dark time. Not until Terminator 2 did we see more fierce roles for women begin to emerge.

Ironically, what I thought of as feminist attitude back then feels a lot more like victimization complex to me now. Today, I look at life from a femme domme perspective. It is so much closer to my truth than constantly scrutinizing for slights to my womanhood in every action. After all, there will always be two basic ways to interpret any given act: half full or half empty. Top or bottom. Yin or yang.

For example, a man walking a few feet in front of a woman is traditionally thought of as implying the woman is submissively following him. Can't it be equally true that he walks ahead because Mistress enjoys walking her dog that way? Or because he is a valiant knight clearing the path for his Queen? There's always at least two sides to the story. You know the one I prefer!

"Don't believe everything you think." That's a favorite saying of mine. Don't believe everything you think. And I would add "Remember to laugh and be kind."

That is what's been working for me lately. . .

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Mistress Missives

Mistress Missives: Lessons on the Fine Art of Serving a Dominant Woman. A new weblog I have created to go alongside my session website. Posts will deal with issues of submissive training and etiquette, as well as more thorough explanations of my approach. It's a bit like Miss Manners for the kinky!

This new addition to my online realm allows me to share my writing with newcomers, while at the same time reserving my more casual and off-topic thoughts for here. Ah yes, building my little empire. . .

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

My Site Relaunch

Big news! My site is back up. It's been a nice break to be a bit more low profile, but now it's time to crank it up again. Enjoy. . .

Sunday, February 4, 2007

Power Exchange Better Than Power Drain

I enjoy being served and like to keep active through out the week, squeezing sessions whenever I can into my busy schedule. At times, a submissive will express sympathy for me, telling me that it must be draining to play so much. I've heard this kind of comment more than a few times, yet it still surprises me because it's so different from how I feel.

I look at every scene I step into as an exciting new experience: perhaps a great escape, an opportunity to learn more about what it means to be human, to enforce discipline and modify behaviour, coax and control hesitant desires, or connect on extraordinary levels of sensation and awareness. My submissives are like different instruments, each one of them carrying their own unique sound which I meld into a song of twisted eroticism. And as as greater trust, understanding and good feelings are established over time, each scene represents its place in a natural, intuitive progression.

What I love about being a professional dominatrix is it doesn't feel like work. I mean, if running scenes bled me dry then how could I possibly have done this gig for the past 4 years -- and still look good and feel happy? ;-) Seriously, I'm not interested in being a victim of my circumstances. I do what I enjoy. Certainly, I enjoy challenges. But only those which help me to evolve productively. If a pleasurable activity took away from me more than it gave me, the first thing I would do is try to figure out what was wrong with the process that caused me to feel drained and then make changes accordingly. If no amount of changes worked, you can bet I'd be out of there.

Any action can be draining if it doesn't suit the person doing it. Or if there is a sense of helplessness or loss of control to the situation. That's the great thing about being a dominatrix. There's no being coy here -- I am unapologetic about my need for complete and utter control. When I've witnessed other dommes complain about how a scene went, it often comes down to a need to enforce more rules and maintain sound boundaries [Of course, first and foremost one must know oneself and be true to oneself!]. When those are in place, an authentic energy exchange can take place.

So that's how I see what I do. As an exchange, not a drain. Believe me, I'm no martyr! Though I think that is a fantasy of some, particularly those interested in Asian Mistresses. It's that Madama Butterfly fetish: a fallen yet noble geisha who remains passive to the tragedy of her sordid life. Now really, is that what you think of me? The silliest stories can make a cock hard.

Friday, February 2, 2007

Snake Sheds Skin

My snake finally shed her skin. What a relief! Her beautiful orange, cream and black scales are all shiny and new. And I can see she is longer now, as she motors around her terrarium.

It had been nearly 2 weeks of her in a lethargy. I had just come back from out of town and told myself I needed to feed her. But then she stopped slithering around like she usually does, laying still in a listless coil. Her skin turned a dull gray and her eyes clouded over. She was beginning the process of molting. I knew I would have to wait until it was over before I could feed her.

The first time she went into this more subdued state, I completely freaked out and thought she was dying or very sick. With each successive molt, I've learned to trust a little bit more that it will all work out. Indeed, this snake has taught me to have more patience.

The first time I fed her a larger-sized mouse was pure agony. I sat there watching the whole time, minutes ticking by as she struggled to get the thing down. It seemed unbelievable to me that she could actually swallow a creature that looked so much bigger than her head. I felt terrified that somehow she'd suffocate on her meal. I almost had to sit on my hands to not interfere. I had thoughts of either breaking off the dead mouse's limbs to make it easier for her to swallow or pulling the whole thing out of her jaws to replace it with a smaller one -- both of which would have shocked her system more than anything. Sometimes trying to help only makes matters worse.

Yet I knew she would do it. That was the most amazing part of the lesson for me, realizing that though it seemed an insurmountable struggle, it was not only possible but really quite ordinary in the grand scheme of things. It was probably a blessing that she doesn't possess the chattering mind of a human, so that she could be present with the challenge rather than step back and "realize" it was more than she could handle. Little by little she enveloped the mammalian beast until it disappeared down her gullet. What a great lesson.

Even holding my snake has been a learning experience. I had to learn how to hold her in a manner which just let her be. The first time I held her I gripped too tightly, so that eventually she started to spasm in this weird little "get away from me" dance. I realized I wasn't giving her room to relax and explore, by holding onto her so tightly I gave her no choice but to react against me. Now I hold her as if I am a branch swaying in the wind, and she seems to have a great time cruising around all over me.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Thankful for the Welcomes

My decision to go independent was a sudden one. I did not have a chance to inform most of my submissives. If you have not recently emailed me, I may have no way of reaching you. But please know I value your servitude and that this isn't a case of me attempting to shun anyone.

I am having a blast with my independence. Honestly, I didn't think it would make that much difference. But I am having so much fun now. It was just time for me to make a change. What I love is a greater sense of control -- over who serves me, over all aspects of the D/s experience. Of course, control is really what it's all about for me! It feels more authentic to be a Mistress this way.

I have been deeply touched by how other pro dommes in the independent community have reached out to me and welcomed me in their playspaces. What a difference to go from that peripheral awareness of each other's presence to actually being invited to play in the most well-equipped and elegant dungeons in the city. It's a wonderful feeling to know that my sisters are watching out for me and supporting me in this move.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Healing through Hurting

I was in my bodywork class, hovering over a classmate as I applied the healing knowledge we had just been taught. As I worked on him, I realized that I had never partnered up with a man before. Actually, that's not true. I had teamed up with a very nice gay Asian man during another class. But this was the first white man I'd worked on -- the typical demographic for my submissives -- and it triggered something in me. As I located the different muscle groups on his neck, I suddenly felt this overwhelming urge to beat him.

"What am I doing here?" I thought for a second. "No, it's all right," I told myself. "I'm expanding my horizons and that's a good thing." I took a few deep breaths and continued focusing my energy gently.

I decided to take this course in the healing arts for my personal growth, to push beyond my comfort zone. Rather than stay safely within my areas of expertise, I wanted to get in touch with my more nurturing side. Believe me, it has been a challenge!

For one, in my everyday existence I am not the most somatically inclined. I'm someone who lives inside my head -- thinking, imagining, planning, analyzing. Yet it has become more and more apparent to me that being centered in one's body is vital to mental clarity.

I feel that I'm already there during my D/s scenes. The play is intuitive to me and I naturally move with the flow. And so I 've wanted to grow that awareness beyond the extraordinary rush of a power exchange to everyday life. Strengthen that mind-body connection. It has been a new journey for me. And up until now I wasn't sure where this path was taking me, and whether my being Mistress would continue to fit in.

It's really two sides of the same coin. Firmness with gentleness = SM domination. Gentleness with firmness = somatic healing. The thing is my personality is so obviously biased towards the former. And today in class I realized that was OK, that I wasn't there to change or undo all that has made me who I am, that I was simply acquainting myself with a new language for relating to others.

I've wanted to be more balanced, so that I'm not "monolingual" in the sense that asserting myself as an alpha female is all that I know. [Interestingly, my major injuries have all been on my left side -- which coincides with "yin," the one half of yin-yang associated with emotions, receptivity and the feminine. It's been suggested to me that getting more in touch with my yin energy would be beneficial.] But that doesn't have to mean the demise of Mistress Xia. Long live Mistress Xia!

Wrestling with this endeavor, as someone who's so used to being teacher's pet and top of the class but now finding myself struggling to take it all in, I have gained an even greater appreciation for how much fun I have as a dominatrix. It's an unexpected side effect -- helping me realize how good I have it. After all, I can get spoiled without any perspective and forget how blessed I am.

I shared my thoughts on all this with a good friend. She laughed and said "Your healing is hurting. And you are so cute. You are the cutest bitch!" That made me smile. I used to think you couldn't be thought of as "cute" and be taken seriously as a domme. Breaking the mould. . .

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Impressions from "Sin City"

Impressions from "Sin City" aka closest place to hell on earth, which manages to be pretty damn fun when chock full of porn stars!

As the madness wound down and the convention floor emptied, I ran into a fellow pro domme walking out of the small GayVN section tucked away in the corner of the expo. This stunning Los Angeles deviatrix, her look a cross between classic Betty Page and Morticia Addams, devastated in her thigh high boots and strappy leather corset. What, pray tell, was she doing here?

"I'm looking for boys to work for me," she said cooly. With a glint in her eye, she revealed her fetish for depraving men with forced bi scenes. Her eyebrows raised in excitement as she described hard-bodied boys flirting with each other all around her, pulling out her camera to show off a few prize pics she snapped.

In the photos she was a Queen surrounded by a bevy of toned and tanned twinks. Yeah, I love it when I meet fellow true believers. She was the real deal. She didn't just act the part of deviator. She lived it.

I was in sexy butch blend-in mode in my camouflage pants, platform boots and a CBGB t-shirt. My cohort, on the other hand, kept attracting the attention of the last lingering fans, who would periodically interrupt us with requests to take her picture. She flat out refused with some and gamely agreed to with others. One guy futilely asked her to show her "boobies" -- he actually used that word -- to which she sneered and slyly gave him the finger as she posed. I don't even think he noticed. I guess he wasn't looking at her fingers!

The place was practically empty when a woman from Playboy Radio came up and asked my friend if she represented the booth we happened to be standing in front of. After she said no, the woman asked if she would be willing to go on the radio to talk about whoever she represented. She thought for a second, then said "No thank you."

After the woman had left, I told my friend that we had missed an opportunity to present ourselves as a Dominatrix Dynamic Duo, ta- dah! Anyways, the only likely result of that would have been a marked increase in the number of wanker emails we receive. When it comes to my personal presentation, I come from the school of less is more. Better to maintain some mystery and distance, so that I know that those who serve me have put in some effort to find me.

We decided to continue our conversation over dinner. The closest restaurant in the Venetian was crowded with industry people and the wait was at least half an hour, so we high-tailed it to the food court. It looked like any other food court in a shopping mall, but with a few surreal touchs. As we sat there for hours trading "war stories" and sharing how we got to be the kinky bitches we are, controversial porn pioneer/scumball Max Hardcore hovered at the periphery in his trademark cowboy hat, smoozing with other insiders.

I excused myself to the bathroom. In line in front of me was an old lady talking to a very pretty blond who I recognized as Digital Playground star Jesse Jane. Despite her super-bumped up chest, she had a girl-next-door look about her, looking stylish yet not overtly sexy in jeans and a cream jacket.

The older woman, the kind of lady you can see going to church regularly in her nice little community, was asking her if she'd seen the Blue Man show playing at the Venetian. Jesse said no, that they had just come back here for ice cream. "What a nice young lady," I could just imagine the old lady thinking, "I wish my grandson were here to met her."

I marvelled at how she fit in like that. It probably made her happy to just be a sweet All American girl for a moment. When it was her turn to go, she was in and out of the stall in less than 30 seconds. "My! That was fast," said the old lady, innocently.

With my exotic kohl-lined eyes, bra-less in my red punk shirt and shit-kicking boots, I knew it was unlikely that this lady would strike up a conversation with me! Such is life. . .

Good girls. Bad girls. The games we play.

Friday, January 19, 2007

What's with Vox?

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

ATTN:if your email address is "Xia's slave"

OK this has happened a couple of times so I want to address it. In the past as well as more recently, a few of you have sent me messages from email addresses that included an apostrophe i.e. "Xia's slave." Somehow you are able to send out messages from this address, but whenever I try to reply it just bounces back. I think apostrophes are not really valid in an email address. So if you have not received a reply, it is not because I am ignoring you!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

To each Her own

I confess to being in Vegas this past weekend for the AVN awards. I've always been fascinated with the porn industry and I hadn't hung out with anyone in this biz in years. I figured now or never, and I'm glad I did. It was a blast catching up with folks I'd met in the past, getting acquainted with new faces, and just playing the fan to some of the bigger-name talent.

Several years ago, before I embarked on my pro domme career, I had gone on an all-inclusive vacation in the Tropics that featured porn stars shooting scenes morning, noon and night all over the resort. It was wild to watch and fun to party with these sexual athletes. I gained new respect for the men and women in this profession. They had to have the stamina to go for literally hours, the strength to stay in positions that surely burned their muscles, and the savviness to look carefree and hot while doing it.

At the convention festivities in Vegas, I was surprised to discover that many of the women in porn I talked to had tried their hand at professional domination. One beautiful blonde told me she had worked at The Chateau in LA for years. Another cinnamon vixen spoke enthusiastically of a scene she had done for a local SM website. Yet almost every woman I spoke to felt that BDSM was too emotionally draining for them. That was my second surprise. BDSM emotionally draining? For me, it is re-energizing. It's a vital outlet for my darker tendencies -- turning pain into beauty and feeling alive because of it. I have those heavy forces within me and they have to go somewhere. Better put towards creative, fruitful and exhilarating exchanges than anywhere else! Well, I suppose that's why they're porn stars and I'm the dominatrix. To each Her own. And I do own it :-}

Monday, January 15, 2007

Taking Sessions at the Inner Sanctum

I am back in town and available starting this week. I am taking sessions at the Inner Sanctum dungeon in the Mission district of San Francisco. Feel free to email me with inquiries:

Yes, I am still keeping up this blog. If you have found it, consider yourself fortunate! I will not have a link to it on my new site, but may still post more personal musings here just for the hell of it. I think this will be a good place to start up random riffs -- publishing bits and pieces here helps inspire me as I work on longer-term projects. There is definitely something motivating about knowing I am reaching an audience immediately with my writing. Ah, instant gratification.

Monday, January 8, 2007


As promised, more changes. After four and a half great years at The Gates, I will be taking my final sessions there tomorrow. But wait! There is hope :-) I will be continuing to practice my craft out of a privately-run dungeon in San Francisco.

Though my website is still in the works, I will have a new Eros ad up on the 16th. I will be continuing to utilize email as my primary mode of communication. Feel free to reach me this way with inquiries. Note that my personal schedule affords me limited hours of availability for sessions, which I will conduct during weekdays only. Priority may be given to those currently serving me.

I will be out of town and unavailable this Thursday the 11th until Monday the 15th.

Friday, January 5, 2007


Climbing up on Solsbury Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Eagle flew out of the night
He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard a voice
Standing stretching every nerve
Had to listen had no choice
I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My heart going boom boom boom
"Son," he said "Grab your things,
I've come to take you home."

-Peter Gabriel, "Solsbury Hill"

Change and growth were the hallmarks of 2006 for me. The new year looks like it will also be a time of transition, transformation and new beginnings.

I feel that I have come so far as a domina. I am now at a turning point. My new website is in the works. And there are more changes in the air.

In re-building my site, I am starting from the ground up to reflect all that I have become. In its previous incarnation, it had grown into a labyrinthian creature -- almost 20 pages in total, with many hidden pages tucked in here and there. In its new form it will be honed down to a few simple, elegant pages. You will see. . .

As I contemplate my future as a domina, I have pondered the place of this blog. I must admit it isn't clear to me if there is one moving forward. I started this blog in 2003 and it has been a joy to write and get such wonderfully positive feedback.

Blogging has reinvigorated my interest in writing about the world in general, not simply femme domination (which you may have noticed from my recent off-topic posts!). I am grateful for the encouragement and compliments I have received, which has helped motivate me to commit to longer-term writing projects.

Yet lately I have realized that I no longer feel it is appropriate to share in this way with new submissives - that is, people who have not yet met and served me. Not that it was wrong before. I am simply in a new state of mind about my role as a Mistress. A new stage in my evolution.

And so I will leave this blog online to be perused by those who encounter it. I will start up a new one to go along with my new site, though it will likely take on an entirely different tone. I am envisioning posting mainly on topics such as proper etiquette towards the Mistress.

Happy New Year Everyone! Live, Love, Laugh. Here's to a great '007.