Friday, March 2, 2007


As I sat there, working on the computer, with the television on the in background playing Spike TV -- program after program of men beating each other up or acting like jack asses alongside snippets of sexy women thrown in as commercials and teasers, I had to wonder at myself.

In my youth, I know I would have considered a channel like Spike to be a travesty. I would have looked at all the T & A and mindless aggression as contributing to the evil of the world through its objectification of women and promotion of macho culture.

Hell, I probably was right. But the fact of the matter is that at this point in my life, that's the kind of TV I like to watch. Right now I am looking at a cute, busty brunette in sexy lingerie talking to the camera. And in a few seconds it'll be the guys again pulling stupid stunts like getting kicked in the balls by a porn star or hot peppers shoved up their ass. Wait a second, it is a bit like my work, now isn't it? Especially since I invariably keep it on mute, which is as good as my trusty ball gag for keeping the peace ;-)

Indeed, it's humbling to the ego when the things that used to offend now have appeal. It makes me realize how the judgments we hold so dearly are truly subjective; dependent upon the stage of evolution we inhabit at the time.

Things are much more postmodern for me now. I try to keep my absolutism to a minimum i.e. "This is right" or "This is bad." I mean, how can I judge when I have experienced first-hand both incredible self-righteousness and a complete turnaround in how I view power dynamics?

I had been raised and steeped in the feminist tradition of seeing women as victims, interpreting every action in a bitter and strident tone. Or course, women did have it worse off. Growing up in the shadow of Hollywood in the '90s, there were no women kicking ass as action heroes or presidents or pretty much any leading role in American movies. Susan Faludi's Backlash documented this dark time. Not until Terminator 2 did we see more fierce roles for women begin to emerge.

Ironically, what I thought of as feminist attitude back then feels a lot more like victimization complex to me now. Today, I look at life from a femme domme perspective. It is so much closer to my truth than constantly scrutinizing for slights to my womanhood in every action. After all, there will always be two basic ways to interpret any given act: half full or half empty. Top or bottom. Yin or yang.

For example, a man walking a few feet in front of a woman is traditionally thought of as implying the woman is submissively following him. Can't it be equally true that he walks ahead because Mistress enjoys walking her dog that way? Or because he is a valiant knight clearing the path for his Queen? There's always at least two sides to the story. You know the one I prefer!

"Don't believe everything you think." That's a favorite saying of mine. Don't believe everything you think. And I would add "Remember to laugh and be kind."

That is what's been working for me lately. . .