Saturday, December 18, 2004

In recent months, my style has evolved to a new level of strict control and discipline. And when appropriate, I have also allowed myself to enjoy a teasingly sharp form of humiliation. While submission to me is always erotic, building upon these other elements continues to deepen my play. I'll be contemplating revising the text on my xia-bdsm site to reflect my current outlook.



Damn, I hate to have to make statements like this. Yet it would appear that some of you need to be clued in to the fact that I will not give you a "happy ending" with my hands. Of course, if you're a good boy I'll let you do it yourself. The real sluts among you may get to clean up your mess afterwards with your cumbucket mouths!



It was nice to see coverage of Jenna Jameson's autobiography How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale in our local Spectator. Though her type of vanilla blonde porn has never been my cup of tea, I have come to admire Jenna for her strength, confidence and success in a hard business. I've been a fan of porn since my college days in Southern California, when my roommates and I would sit around and watch a tape or two. When Jenna first came on the scene, she became well known for not taking shit from anybody. And that certainly didn't sit well with some in the XXX establishment. I remember picking up an old AVN magazine from about 10 years ago and reading that she was nothing but marketing hype. And even more recently -- like maybe 5 years ago -- reading that she had lost out on her chance for a mainstream breakthrough because of her many tattoos. More like wishful thinking on the part of the writers, resentful of an enterprising and strong woman in the adult industry who really stood up for herself. The other day I caught her on a Hollywood entertainment show being interviewed. The interviewer was trying to get her to go with his theory that her teenage sexual victimization is what turned her into a porn star, but she would have none of it. She insisted that she always liked sex and that's why she ended up making blue movies. No shame. You go girl :-)

Ho Ho Ho from Santa Xia!


. . .Happy Holidays. . .


Tuesday, November 30, 2004

On the subject of slut training, I must say it's quite humorous how badly some slaves perform fellatio. Time and time again, I pull my strapped-on dildo out of the slave's mouth and find the condom is almost completely chewed off. Ouch! Now really, teething is for babies ;-)

It makes me think of that kid's game Operation, where you try to pull out the different pieces that represent the body parts of a patient. The key is to not touch the sides as you pick it up from its little slot. Otherwise, a loud buzzer goes off. That's what I need -- a cock-biting alarm. Or maybe something like that dental paper that gets marked up where you bite down. He he he :-) OK just kidding.

Don't get me wrong. I do have some fine cock suckers for slaves. The other day I presided over a very exciting glory-hole fantasy. Per my instructions, my slave brought in 2 nicely realistic dildos that had suction cups attachments. I stuck them on the mirrors in the dungeon -- eye level to my slave while on her knees. Yes, we had slave dressed up like a sweet slutty girl. It was so much fun I went out and bought my own pair of suction cup dildos to use on the rest of you! During the scene I cross dressed myself, which is a real treat. I was Rocco with my big thick cock :-) What makes it all the hotter is hanging out with the other Mistresses while getting dressed and then having them casually reach over and feel my package through my pants. I love the gender bend! Hmm... makes me think of some badass double session possibilities. Oh, but you better ask me nicely first. . .

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Fortunately I was able to recover almost all my files after my computer crashed the other day. So this Thursday I'll have one more thing to be thankful for :-)

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Apparently one of my computer hard drives crashed. We are working on recovering the files. It would be a shame to lose everything, as I had a lot of information on there. Like all my personal and professional digital photo albums, including the rest of a series of pictures I'd been posting and had planned on making into a new gallery on my xia-bdsm.com site. Let's all cross our fingers on this one, as there are many years worth of memories at stake! Thankfully, I have back-up and hard copies of most of my writings.

I did manage to dig up a thumbnail of a third photo in the series I've been posting. Hopefully all the rest will come back to me as well.


M.X. with Whip -- Crack!


On another positive note, I recently celebrated my birthday and was happy to receive best wishes from those in the know. Yes, I know I didn't announce it. It just happened to fall on the same day as at least one other momentous occasion (though certainly one more controversial than my celebration), so I felt it best to keep things low key this year. One birthday greeting came from a long-term slave of mine who has been serving me for over 2 years. He's been a great help to me with some of the backend tasks involved with professional domination and is even putting together a comic book inspired by me. Indeed, just as I have been a muse for his creativity, he and other wonderful slaves have inspired me in my creative endeavors. This spontaneous outpouring of sweet sentiment put a big smile on my face. I let him know I'd like to share it with everyone.

#


Mistress Xia,

I don't know if you've gathered this from all our varied interactions, but I would like to take this time to let you know how much I greatly admire you as a human being.

This all may sound corny, but I feel very lucky to have met you and even to have been born in the same time era as yourself. It is so rare to come across someone who opens up new experiences in your positive, non-judgmental way. Also, your desire to squeeze the absolute most out of this miracle of life is astonishing. Your need to constantly better yourself through meditation, workshops and additional college coursework are truly inspirational. I've never encountered the need to create art (M. Xia comic book) through such a muse as yourself. Thank you for giving me the choice to take the "red" pill, for I've never looked back...

Okay, that's enough before I turn too sappy. Bye for now.




Saturday, November 13, 2004

A big belated thank you to Ms. Heart for so kindly doing me the favor of creating the banner seen below. Her great spirit has shown through in her committed efforts to bring greater awareness to the kinky community through the formation of the BDSM Women of Color in the Bay Area project, recently hosting a panel discussion and play party (I couldn't make it but did send one of my slaves to help out -- good job M!). A photo exhibit "Through Our Lenses - Beauty in Diversity" is currently on display at the Madame S store in San Francisco through November 29th.


Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Allow me to express a peeve of mine. Like everyone, I appreciate the occasional compliment on my looks, intellect and the like. Yet systematic evaluation of my various physical and mental attributes -- to my face, no less -- is quite inappropriate. Though one may interpret my role as professional domina to involve a certain level of self-commoditization, I do not consider it the place of those who serve me to verbally objectify me by continually expressing their assessment/approval of my appearance, style or mannerisms. Even when what is coming out of one's mouth initially seems completely positive, one should still take care to use good timing and word choice. Such behaviour can come off as a bit condescending. And really, it is presumptuous for a submissive to directly judge his Mistress in this way. It seems that some forget their manners when money exchanges hands. In contrast, consider how one acts on a romantic date with a woman, where typically there is greater discretion employed in the statements one makes. Do not make the mistake of believing that I will not be so discerning.

Friday, November 5, 2004

I have been deeply touched by those within my stable who have felt real change in their lives due to my positive influence. It gives me great satisfaction to be an inspiration to those who serve me. I do not consciously set out to work in this way, focusing instead on the liberation of play without guilt and the nurturing of the intricacies of one's unique perversions. Yet I have found time and time again that my approach has allowed my slaves to tap into their higher selves, motivating them to explore new avenues, accomplish goals and feel confident about who they are.

One such slave wrote me a lovely email recently which I made sure was all right to share with all of you. He has credited me with inspiring him to better himself physically through exercise and a healthier lifestyle. The results are quite remarkable and I am very proud of him.

Here it is:

just had to e-mail as soon as I could about last night.
That was a fantastic session!

Everything was great, from our nice conversation to your incomparable domination of me. Xia; just the way you move, your voice, your style and grace, the way you make me feel at ease. Mistress you give me such a high. I'm still on cloud nine! And my nipples are quaking to boot!

I hope you enjoyed our session too. You have completely changed my attitude as a submissive these last two years. In the past it was mostly about me, I was a little selfish. It was satisfy me and if you had fun along the way, that was OK. I took you ladies for granted.

No more, I don't take you for granted at all mistress. You have a gift, what you do is very special. Sure, I come to you to get my kinky fantasies fulfilled, but that's a given with you. I have never had a bad or even average session with you mistress. Every time has been excellent!

I am one lucky dude to have a mistress like you and it really makes me feel good when I can as bring a smile to my mistress' face or get a little laugh out of her. I want to be the best slave I can be; because you are the finest dominatrix I have ever had.

Friday, October 29, 2004

Change of Schedule: I will be at The Gates on Monday November 1st from 3pm to 9pm. Happy Halloween!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Occasionally, a man states his desire to serve me as the receptive partner (i.e. strap-on worship and other aspects of slut training), and feels the need to declare to me that he is "not gay." I can't help but find this statement amusing. For one, it implies the need to defend oneself against the accusation of homosexuality. From my experience, it seems clear that the vast majority of men who see me are straight. Yet I for one find rigid labels of sexual orientation to be quite limiting and narrow-minded. They can never fully describe the fluidity which exists between categories.

When I think about the fact that most people's first sexual experience was playing with themselves, it makes me see the whole idea of sexual orientation in a different light. Most of us first learned to love ourselves, to achieve sexual satisfaction manipulating our own parts. It feels natural and good to touch oneself. So in a way that makes most everyone a participant in homoeroticism.

I also do not ascribe phallic representations solely to the realm of men. For instance, I take great pleasure in having those who submit to be my sluts first prove their devotion and submission through oral worship of my strap-on -- not because I am trying to push one into gayness, but because this charged act is such a highly symbolic power play. One that is both an erotic surrender and a broadening of one's sexual perspective.

Though I do not believe, as I've heard some say, that men who desire to be receptively stimulated are "in denial" about their orientation. If being the bottom for receptive play equals being gay, then wouldn't that make virtually all women lesbians? Obviously, this is not the case.

That we are each born with the physical parts necessary to be receptive is a wonderful thing. Really, a leveling of the playing field which is underutilized by most men. And with the simplest technology, anyone can be the insertive partner -- a fact which is underutilized by many women. It may sound a bit silly, but imagine if every woman knew how to use and have fun with a strap-on. And every man experienced taking it as well as giving sexually. Perhaps there'd be less talk of men being from one planet and women being from another.

Speaking of strap-ons, I remember being at a play party a while ago. It was a fairly vanilla event, so I had been wielding my strap-on on some sexy young ladies who were game to spice things up. One in particular was intrigued by this device, the likes of which she had apparently never seen or even imagined before. She laughed nervously about it, trading jabs with me as I dared her to try it on. She reminded me of of me not so long ago, when I was barely past virginity but ready to call anyone's bluff, with more than enough bravado to make up for lack of experience. Impulsively, she grabbed the strap-on from me as I cast if off my body, pulling it up her brown legs and tightening it around her slender hips. The self-satisfied smirk on her face changed as she looked down and saw her "cock", the smile twisting into an expression of uncertainty, then finally to slight revulsion. "Ugh!," she exclaimed. "Oh no. I don't know if I like that," she said as she looked down at herself, transfixed. I let out a wicked laugh. I couldn't help but enjoy the moment. Planting seeds. . .




Me and My Wicked Strap-On.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Whew! Last week I was insanely busy, but in a good way. Lots of cool interactions with people, lots of learning, lots of fun! To cap it all off, I checked out the Exotic Erotic Ball. It was the 25th anniversary and I'd never been, so I decided to give it a shot. It was quite the celebration, a huge event with probably as many amateur photographers as people dressed up. Being that I'm a fairly private domme, I chose to stay covered up for the evening to avoid being photographed.

While at the VIP booth getting our tickets, I ran into Cat from Spectator magazine. She was with an entourage that included Sunset Thomas of the KitKat Ranch in Nevada. Speaking of porn stars, I later spied Tera Patrick being whisked through the main ballroom surrounded by tattooed biker guys. She's strikingly tall in person, and was wearing what looked like a latex green dress. The ladies of the PleasureZone also looked super hot in little Chinese dresses that showed off their thong-clad bottoms. All in all, it made for a fun evening. **A special note of appreciation to R for the VIP passes.**


I've been posting here and there in Max Fisch's The Hang. Here is my profile. There is a link at the bottom to view all my posts.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

I do not consider the Mistress-slave dynamic to be a roleplay in the sense that we simply "pretend" at conventional role reversal. Rather, I view these roles as a true expression of the power exchange between my clients and myself, during the playing of a scene as well as in our interactions beforehand and afterwards. It is how I expect those who submit to me to treat me at all times. Now, that does not mean you need to get on your knees as soon as you see me. It's about according me a level of deference, respect and attentiveness that goes above and beyond that of a service provider.

As for roleplaying, I get a kick out of acting out creative scenarios as a starting point for a scene. Yet what I find typically happens is the scene eventually evolves out of the specific roleplay and back into the overarching Mistress-slave dynamic. For me, this is the fundamental and defining force which underlies all of my interactions with my submissives.

Wednesday, October 6, 2004

Another wild and wonderfully outrageous Folsom Street Fair took place a couple of weekends ago. It's definitely an "only in San Francisco" type event. An eye-opening spectacle of sexual diversity, in an atmosphere of celebration and tolerance. Over the years, it has transformed from a mostly gay leather event to a mixed, pansexual crowd that is part SM folk and part Burning Man/Carnival partygoers(But don't fret, leather daddies and their slaveboys still have the Up Your Alley street fair in Dore Alley every year.)

I especially got a kick out of the dildo ring toss, which was a real crowd pleaser. I spent the whole time walking from one end of the fair to the other -- there was so much to see and so many kinky friends to run into. JD of the Knotty Boys doing a rope suspension demonstration. The Mister/Madam S crew manning their booth. My favorite cross-dressers hanging out at Cat's Alley Bar & Grill. And of course, my fellow Gates ladies made a big splash dressed up as sassy showgirls. Sadly, I missed meeting up with them, what with all the commotion at this jam-packed fair.

I was so content simply making my way through the throng of people this year that I didn't take a single picture. Ah well. Sometimes it makes sense to just enjoy the experience directly rather than stepping out into documentary mode.


Me at Folsom Street Fair

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

The longer I do this, the more I feel that my primary identification as a professional domina is as an artist first and foremost. This is definitely a business as well, yet I do not see what I do so much in terms of work. It is a fine line, as successful artists are also successful business people. Yet I think the essential distinction is that one does not compromise one's vision for the bottom line. That one continues to take risks for the sake of one's artistry. And that connections with people remain more about conveying something deep and meaningful, rather than simply being a means to an end.


There is so much out there for the seeker of a true Mistress to evaluate and investigate. A flurry of alluring images and words to draw you in, manipulate your desires and make you want more. Certainly, this is part of what being a domina is all about -- to excel at enticing. And as some of you know, real-life encounters may or may not match the marketed message.


I suppose part of my reasoning for having a blog is to demonstrate in oh-so-many words that I am the "real thing." I permit brief glimpses inside my head to satisfy my own desire to be heard, but also to reinforce the truth of who I am. The statements on my xia-bdsm.com site reflect a personal philosophy grounded in my own unique perspective. It is honest, unadulterated self-expression. I have been fortunate that so many find synchronicity with my brand of perversion. Perhaps it is that very lack of affectation that is so appealing. Where I am now is a natural progression, really a culmination of all that I have experienced and learned.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Though I didn't go this year, a few good friends recently returned from Burning Man in high spirits. There is something quite magical about this festival in the Nevada desert. For a few days at the end of every summer, thousands of people (mostly from San Francisco) gather together to create a unique temporary community in the middle of nowhere. Last time I went there were at least 30,000 people, so it's almost on the scale of a small city. And at the end of each festival, there is the burn. Playing out the cycle of creation, destruction and rebirth, the burning man and other prominent structures are burned to the ground, only to arise once again the following year.

I have always loved the desert. The treks my family made by car from Los Angeles to Las Vegas when I was a kid -- staring out at that crazy big sun over a seemingly barren landscape. My field trips to the rocks when I studied geology -- climbing over a hill to find huge piles of ancient sea-life fossils. And now the out of this world, costume-filled revelry and artistry of Burning Man. I love the stillness, the cracked mud playa, the beautiful sunsets, dust devils that come out of nowhere and that thick, arid heat.

Burning Man is a contemporary version of an age-old idea -- namely the topsy turvy world of the carnival. There are impressive similarities between Early Modern European carnivals (1500-1700) and festivals like Burning Man. During these celebrations, the normal rules of convention and behavior are thrown out the window. Roles are reversed, inversed, flipped around and twisted. It is a momentary respite from the rigidity which normally encloses society. Sound familiar? Indeed, these are the same undercurrents which run through BDSM and fetish play. What makes interacting in these environments so powerful is the absence of a reference to your day-to-day reality. It allows one to feel truly liberated. In fact, it was during my first time at Burning Man that I became fully in touch with my sadomasochistic side. I have encountered many others who have had transformative experiences there. And many other SM players make it out to "the playa."

Burning Man has become even more inclusive and diverse over the years (mind you, I'm not too keen on the videos of nudists that make their way onto sensationalistic fare like "Inside Edition" -- as if the event is some girls gone wild scene). It used to be very much about the San Francisco artist. Yet the motto "everyone is a participant" has allowed people who do not primarily identify as artists to also embrace their creativity. It is a wild, primal experience that can be both cleansing and nourishing.

So that's my take on Burning Man. No commercial vending, no corporate sponsorship, just real raw human interaction at its best.


Eating bread at Burning Man 2002 ;-)

Friday, September 17, 2004

As I walked around "Geisha: Beyond the Painted Smile" at the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco, I saw that I was not the only woman fascinated by these living symbols of Japanese cultural tradition and refined feminity. I spied other pretty, young women slowly wandering through the exhibit, alone in their contemplation of this alluring alternative world. I was immediately enthralled by the atmosphere of curious excitement as we each perused the beautiful art and read about the geisha way of life.

In my research, I found some intriguing parallels between the geisha and the dominatrix. The word geisha actually means "persons of art." Like dominas, they inhabit a secretive world on the fringes of society. They are entertainers for small, private gatherings and most of their clients are men. They are trained to excel artistically: at singing, dance, the playing of instruments, calligraphy and the art of conversation. They begin as apprentices, turning into full-fledged geishas once they have mastered the requisite skills and etiquette. They wear striking make-up, special kimonos and elaborate hairstyles unique to their profession. In fact, unlike the heavily layered gowns of courtesans of the Edo period (1615-1868), the geisha's kimonos were designed to allow for freedom of movement. In this way, the geisha was immediately identifiable as distinct from prostitutes as well as non-professional women.

Similarly, serious dominas also undertake years of ongoing training and typically are active seekers of experiences which broaden the depth of their knowledge. Traditionally, one would begin as an apprentice, switching or subbing to a mentor domme. Dominas undertake hours of practice with their various tools of pain and pleasure, often becoming reknowned in their mastery of a particular implement. A domme's fetish wardrobe -- with its edgy latex, vinyl and leather -- serves to differentiate them not only from conventional women but also from the soft and frilly fair more typical of vanilla escorts.

Geishas and inspired dommes spend a great deal of time refining their presentation, focusing on aesthetics such as the sound of their voice and the flow of their step. Many of the women in these paralell worlds consider themselves performance artists first and foremost.

And alas, both geishas and dominatrixes have been sorely misunderstood and maligned as women of ill repute. Though neither have sex with their clients, both have been misrepresented as prostitutes. For geishas, this mislabeling was largely due to the fact that when Japan first opened up to the West, untrained foreigners could not distinguish between the multilayered sashes and overgarments of courtesans and the more simplistic beauty of the geisha's kimonos. And certainly, a professional domina's need to advertise in venues alongside sensual masseuses and escorts can make the lines seem more blurry to the untrained eye.

On a sidenote, I read an article in issue 29 of WYWS While You Were Sleeping magazine about a freelance caucasian geisha in Japan. Her photos revealed a body adorned with tattoos and pierced nipples. Though quite a divergence from tradition, her look is apparently not an issue because geishas do not take off their kimonos. Interesting how this woman seems to represent a convergence of my geisha/dominatrix comparison.

Last tidbit - I heard Spielberg has optioned "Memoirs of a Geisha."



Me in Kimono-inspired Latex by Madam S.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

I've got a lot of positive feedback on my new pics. But it was also nice to hear from an admirer that over and above my physical appearance, the depth of my power lies in my "spirit, mind and ability to connect. You're a goddess in any guise." Thank you. Very nice :-)

Sunday, September 12, 2004

For those who appreciate domination over the phone, or who simply desire a remote consultation with me, I'll try to make myself more available on Keen. Though it will have to be after this week as I'm jamming for a chemistry exam! I do enjoy this type of play, as it's fun to use my voice as the primary vehicle of my power. It can be quite intimate and exciting, in a way that reminds me of the thrill of soft lips whispering commands into one's ear. Though I certainly can sound stern and demanding, I am not much for the yell and scream school of domination. Subtle changes in vocal intonation, timely pauses, and the sound of the breath -- these work for me.

Friday, September 10, 2004

One of the challenges I enjoy during a scene is to bring out the energy connection between myself and a sub who, for whatever reason, is not immediately emotionally accessible. I actually have a few loyal slaves who I have rehabilitated from previous negative experiences with pro dommes. These traumatic encounters can often cause the sub to turn more inward as an act of self-protection. By creating an atmosphere of trust, affection, and really listening to them, I give my slaves permission to open up to new levels. I have one slave who had seen 15 to 20 pro dommes before he sought me out. Before we met, he had never had a truly satisfying fulfillment of his fantasies, always feeling too weird or somehow not quite right. I sensed this during our first session almost two years ago, and used all my powers to let him know his kinks were safe with me. Another long-term slave of mine had actually been robbed by a so-called domme he was serving. To endure such a violation and still pursue one's explorations is courageous. And I would say he is quite fortunate now, as he has continued to learn and grow in his perversions with me as his guide.

One of my slaves did admit to me recently that he initially hesitated to see me because I don't show my face in my photos, and he had a bad experience with another pro domme who did the same. For the record, the only reason I do not reveal my face in pictures is because I am a fairly private person. And isn't it nice to know that I am discrete? Say we sessioned together, then you ran into me on the street and initiated a conversation with me (as I would not for discretion's sake). It's not like someone passing by would say "Look at that man talking to that dominatrix!" Of course, if you did see me out and about it's best not to yell out "Xia!" or "Mistress!" A "hello there" would do just fine ;-)

Thursday, September 9, 2004

So we posted those pics to my Gates profile. I decided to just put those 4 new ones up for now, with the possibility of adding more as I pick through the latest. (What I like about these ones is that I have a nice variety of implements: a leather strap, a single-tail and a cane. I love corporal punishment! Of course, I don't require that you endure pain for me. There are other ways of pleasing me as well. But for every reward, I do require some sign of your submission to me, even if it is more symbolic than impact play or other tortures.) While the other photos in my profile are great, it has been over two years since most of them were taken. My photos on my Xia-BDSM.com are more recent, but it was time to update my Gates page too. And I know everyone loves fresh pics. Not that I've changed much in my physical appearance. My hair is past my shoulders now with red streaks, but that's really the only difference. Actually, people who have known me for some time tell me I keep looking better. I believe that's a testament to my inner development as well as my pursuit of aesthetics.


Here's a groovy strap-on photo for inspiration. Since this series was a bit more abstract, with super close-ups and unusual angles, I'm thinking of laying them out in a collage for my Xia-BDSM site. Then again, I may just keep posting them to my blog. Stay tuned. . .

Friday, September 3, 2004

Below are some pics that I'm thinking of adding to my Gates profile. I'm getting more photos taken, so we'll see what ends up being the "best of".

Look out soon for a post about my visit to the Geisha exhibit at the Asian Art museum.

Until next time. . .





Sunday, August 29, 2004

There are so many reasons to love San Francisco. The diversity of lifestyles, the activism, the creativity, the architectural aesthetics, the cosmopolitan feel of these 7 by 7 square miles. Though one thing I do miss about Southern California is the sight of bare skin on a sunny day. Thankfully I live in a part of the city that gets great weather. But I miss seeing the nicely tanned, bare legs of girls in cute summer outfits strolling down the sidewalk. The other day I was in the Castro. I dig this neighborhood because I can wear less without anyone caring. Yet even here there can be judgment. I was enjoying people-watching one day when a couple walked by on the street. The young woman was dressed rather daringly in little short shorts that revealed the beginning curve of her buttocks. After they passed, I noticed several other onlookers making faces of disapproval and laughing -- one guy with tattoos all over his arms and stretched out ear holes, as well as a couple of grungy butch girls. I bet if the boyfriend had been the one wearing the short shorts, nobody would have thought twice. It's ironic that those with counterculture style would act almost puritanically to an inkling of vanilla hoochiness. I suppose that sexiness without some sort of edge can get a little boring. But when the alternative simply becomes another uniform, then it's lost its point!

Monday, August 23, 2004

I had the pleasure of meeting Mistress Jessica Kane while playing at the Wicked Garden in Los Angeles. I was just browsing Max Fisch and saw that she has recently had serious medical issues come up and is in need of some community support. To see Mistress Gemini's posting on how to help, click here. Sending good vibes from up north. . .

Friday, August 20, 2004

I would like to pay homage to Mistress Clarissa, who recently retired from professional domination after over 3 years at The Gates. She will be sorely missed (pun intended!). More than anyone, Clarissa was there for me when I first started at The Gates. I not only got to sit in and observe her sessions. She went over and above what was customary by encouraging me to actively participate in those scenes, and generously shared some of her tribute with me for my involvement. That initial training and support laid the foundation for my growth as a domina. And she and I sure did have some fun double sessions together! I wish her the best of luck in all of her pursuits. I am sure with her irreverent sense of humor, quick wit and saucy style, she will make waves where ever she goes.

Friday, August 13, 2004

Friday the 13th! I just had to post something ;-) Have a lovely weekend. . .

Thursday, August 12, 2004

The SM-themed film "The Secretary" was playing on the TV and I caught a few snippets between sessions. I've seen this movie before, and it never fails to impress me with its cleverness, sensitivity and humor, as well as the excellent performances. What I particularly like is how well it captures some of the underlying personal idiosyncrasies which often form the foundation of one's kinky lifestyle. There are some nice spanking scenes that certainly got my attention. And despite the fact (or perhaps because?) there are no real explicit sex scenes, I found it to be quite titillating. Repressed passion can be truly arousing. That's what I love about old films like "It Happened One Night," where the sexual tension is almost palpable. I can get so much more worked up watching these old-fashioned tales of courtship, romance and betrayal -- the forbidden and the taboo, and all those unspoken rules. The almost clinical dramatizations of intercourse I sometimes see in modern Hollywood movies often seems out of place. I say leave the rutting to movies with a triple X. They do it better anyway!

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Hello everyone.  Yes, I know it's been a while.  I've been taking a summer vacation from the computer.  Just got back from an extended meditation retreat which was awesome.  Heading to LA for a few days now.  Sorry, I won't be taking any sessions while down there.  Just a quick trip to say hi to friends and family, as it's been too long. 


I finally checked out Nick Broomfield's documentary of the New York house of domination Pandora's Box.  It's called "Fetishes" and was filmed in '96.  Broomfield seems to have a fascination with powerful women, evident in his other documentaries on Heidi Fleiss (her father was my pediatrician growing up - small world), Courtney Love and serial killer Aileen Wuornos.  Overall, I found it a well-balanced and entertaining portrayal.  Really, every pro domme is so different, there is no template of personality-type or look.  Yet somehow, my own level of contentment and inherent kinkiness did not seem to be reflected in any of the Mistresses featured.  We each have our own reasons for doing this.  Though I do think some come to it as a more natural progression in their personal evolution.  It was interesting to see the inside workings of another session house.  For myself, I feel quite fortunate to have The Gates as a playspace (and it's probably not a coincidence that some of my favorite subs are those who have been coming here regularly for many years).  Sayonara for now. . . 


Thursday, June 3, 2004

For those looking to play at the tail end of the week, I will be making a rare Friday night appearance at The Gates on the 11th (3-10pm).

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

My entries may get a bit more scarce these upcoming summer months. If you are new to my blog, do make sure to check out my archives for some provocative reading.


I have become more interested in the crossroads where the sacred and the erotic meet. I want to share the following text, recently sent to me, from the Saktisangama Tantra. The words are beautiful and true.

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Woman is the creator of the universe,
the universe is her form;
woman is the foundation of the world,
she is the true form of the body.

Whatever form she takes,
whether the form of a man or a woman,
is the superior form.

In woman is the form of all things,
of all that lives and moves in the world.
There is no jewel rarer than woman,
no condition superior to that of woman.

There is not, nor has been, nor will be
any destiny to equal that of woman;
there is no kingdom, no wealth,
to be compared with a woman;
there is not, nor has been, nor will be
any holy place like unto a woman.

There is no prayer to equal a woman.
There is not, nor has been, nor will be
any yoga to compare with a woman,
no mystical formula nor asceticism
to match a woman.

There are not, nor have been, nor will be
any riches more valuable than woman.

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

OK all technical difficulties have been solved. I admit I used all these hassles as an excuse to get offline for the past week. It's great to get out of the matrix and into the real world, especially with the beautiful weather we've been having. In fact, I think I'll jump back out right now. . .

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

More email issues! It appears that some of the replies I've recently sent out did not go through. If you have sent me a message in the past week or so and did not receive a response from me, please try again.

Sunday, May 9, 2004

FYI - I cannot access my email right now as I am experiencing some technical difficulties

Thursday, May 6, 2004

From Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual:

"While the actual training of a slave encompasses the total person, the sine qua non of a service-oreinted submissive is the correcti attitude. Different roles may dictate different training techniques, but all slaves -- and dominants, too, for that matter -- should cultivate an attitude of mindfulness.


For our purposes, mindfulness may be defined as an over-arching awareness of one's person, surroundings, and circumstances. It is a gentle attention, focused but not forced. Many spiritual traditions recommend sitting, chanting, or other forms of meditation to awaken the mindful state. For the slave, it is dharma yoga, the pursuit of one's true vocation, that is the path to mindfulness. A slave's mindfulness should encompass his physical body, his mental awareness, his emotional state, and insofar as it is possible, the physical, mental, and emotional state of the dominant and any other person in trhe environment.


This is not to say that slave must be clairvoyant or an empath; he must first cultivate self-awareness, and under tutelage, awareness of the dominant's needs and wishes."

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

I recently read an interesting article by Katy St. Clair in the East Bay Express about tantric educators. I was fascinated at the many similarities between how these women go about practicing their alternative sexuality as erotic work and how I perceive myself as a professional domina. You can check out the story for yourself at: http://www.eastbayexpress.com/issues/2004-04-21/feature2.html/1/index.html.

Below are some excerpts I found to be the most compelling, along with my comments.


"In the Bay Area, there are dozens of tantric educators, most of whom lead workshops, write books, or hold retreats. Some go even further and hold private, one-on-one, or couple's sessions. They are mostly women, and depending on their preference, typically refer to themselves as a "high priestess," "tantric coach," "tantric educator," "Tantrika," or "goddess." Just don't call them sex workers."

Similar to these tantrikas, through my writing in this blog and on my xia-bdsm.com site as well as my recordings on Keen, my role as professional domina extends beyond individual sessions to reach out to the community and educate. With regards to the term "sex workers," while I applaud its use in a political sense as a tool of solidarity, I personally describe what I do as erotic work because I do not have sex in a professional scene.


"We had just finished talking about how Bast separates would-be clients who truly desire to learn tantra from those looking for fast kicks. "That was one of them," she said of the call. He was looking for something she said she didn't want to offer: pure sex. It was the type of call that she said usually ends with her telling them "I don't think I'm a good match for what you are looking for."

Like Bast, I am quite open to connecting with many different types of people, but one thing I do require is that they be a serious seeker of female domination, willing to submit to my powers, and not simply looking for a sexual service provider. I have a disclaimer on my xia-bdsm.com site that states: Though professional dominas often advertise in the same venues as escorts, sensual masseuses and other erotic services, there are important distinctions in how we approach our craft (e.g. most of us do not consider ourselves "providers").



"They view themselves as healers and see the act as a teaching tool to let their client move further into tantric bliss. Then there are the women who simply put bindis on their foreheads, declare themselves a "goddess" on their Web sites, and appear to charge by the hour for specific sex acts. "

I recently made the decision to complete strap-on play to those who have been seeing me on a regular basis. The main reason for this change was my coming to recognize the deeply intimate nature of this act and the bond that it creates. As such, I wanted to reserve it as a special reward for those who are truly devoted. All of this speaks to my desire to acknowledge and engender the sacred in what I do. In some ways, SM play and tantric practice seem to be two sides of the same coin. And I think in all of these esoteric erotic practices, you will find those who sincerely believe in the philosophy they put forth, and those who are simply posing for the money. I have been told many times that what sets me apart is how genuine I seem. When I dominate, there is no act. Rather, you are being privileged to a divine glimpse of a rare combination of beauty, perversion and intellect.



"Most teachers know there are naysayers who scoff at what they do, laugh at their New Age approach to sexuality, or accuse them of being Shiva sellouts. They don't care."


I wrote a previous blog entry quite similar to the passage above but referring to professional domination. For us, there are the naysayers who think the SM is just a fancy cover for prostitution and scoff at the philosophy behind it. These are usually men who simply see us as "providers" with a twist. And then there are the SM people who project resentment at our perceived exploitation of their lifestyle. I have also run into a few men in the leather community who believe that all pro dommes are really submissives in need of conversion! Dream on. . .



Finally, we have the grand expert. In the case of tantra, that would be Margot Anand. Sadly, from what the article states below, it appears she is suffering from a bad case of top syndrome. In SM, that is when one's success as a dominant begins to get to one's head and the whole point of what one is trying to convey is lost in one's ego. There are many things I have learned in the past 2 years as a pro domme. And one of them is that things are not always what they seem. Sometimes the most applauded are not all they are cracked up to be, but may just the best marketers. And sometimes they are as great as they seem. Sometimes those in the shadows are quietly doing some of the best work. And sometimes there is a reason why no one has heard of them. C'est la vie.

"Margot Anand is the tantric expert and someone whom every tantric educator in America knows about. Her book The Art of Sexual Ecstasy is a must-read for every tantric student. Fiona studied under her, as did many other teachers. She is the mother of tantra in the West. Since tantric experts take great pains to move the discussion of their art form away from the purely sexual aspects of the practice and into its life-giving, spiritual rewards, one would think that a woman who had been practicing it for as long as Anand has would have the grace and serenity of the Buddha himself.

Not so. Anand was contacted for this story, but huffily declined to talk once she learned she wasn't the sole subject. "I should be featured prominently," she said, "not thrown in with a bunch of people I may or may not respect!" She also was upset at the idea of playing second banana to Joseph Kramer, who is profiled in the accompanying story. "I'm more important than Joseph Kramer!" she shrieked in her French accent. "I was the first on this scene. He is less important in scope!"

After more discussion and the suggestion that perhaps her ego had gotten the best of her, Anand decided that an interview would be okay if she was guaranteed a plug of her books or workshops. "Go see what you can do about that," she said crisply, as if talking to a servant.

Anand had a mantra alright, and it was "What's in it for me?," which she said quite a few times during our conversation.

"There are good therapists, and there are bad therapists," said one tantrika when told about Anand's attitude. "Not everyone has fully integrated their spirit like they say they have." Anand may be widely respected for her teachings, but not so for her immodesty. If the grand queen of tantra can't get her own karmic yin-yang balanced, then how can we trust anyone to teach us this stuff?"




Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I was just looking through Eros Guide Los Angeles as I know quite a few dominas are down there right now for DomCom. Beyond who was visiting, one thing that I noticed was how many of the local LA ads start off with the pro domme's measurements, height and hair color. Though none of the ads for the more established and well-known Angelena dommes (e.g. Goddess Sativa, Mistress Jessica Kane, Mistress Denee) include this information, there are still quite a few ads that do. Whereas in San Francisco, very few of the ads do so -- at least if you are referring to pro dommes rather than escorts. Interesting how it can be so culturally different from north to south. Certainly, I list my measurements on my site for those who are so inclined to care. Yet I can't imagine listing it as the most prominent information on the ad that first draws people to me. I suppose that speaks mainly to my desire to connect on more than simply the level of physical attraction. I want to play with your mind too :-)

Monday, April 19, 2004

FYI I just got back from out of town, so I have a backlog of emails I haven't responded to yet. Patience! ;-)

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Damn! The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is cancelled for this year. And all because of the scandal over Janet's bejeweled breast during the Superbowl. Now they're really raining on my parade. Here's a link to the story- http://entertainment.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=155285

Last year's was one of the best things I caught on television. It's true, it was basically soft porn on network TV. But great for the grown-ups :-)

Now what really saddens me is the reaction of the National Organization for Women (NOW), whose spokesperson praised the cancellation and hoped it was permanent -- ostensibly because the show objectified women. "We're concerned young women think they have to look this way," she said.

I am a feminist, but the viewpoint of NOW actually offends me. The underlying message is that women are not strong enough to think for themselves, that we are all helpless victims of the media.

There is a streak of almost victorian prudishness that runs through this line of traditional feminist thinking. As if women cannot simply be turned on by watching sexy scantily-clad women prance down a runway, the same as men. This type of feminism also only sees the hetero point of view, where female bisexuality can only be a male fantasy.

That's why in college my feminist friends (both male and female) and I insisted on adding the adjective "sex-positive" before the label. Sex-positive feminism. To differentiate from the stereotype of the man-hating, anti-sex prude -- which sadly, is perpetuated by the National Organization for Women.

Monday, April 12, 2004

FYI - I will be unavailable this Friday the 16th.

Wednesday, April 7, 2004

I've got some nice feedback on the new pics. The poses are all vintage cheesecake style, the 50s pin-up look -- a nice change of pace. And now you can see how long my hair's grown out :->
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On a more serious note, I wanted to address the use of cuckoldry in my scenes. I recall seeing a thread on Max Fisch where many dommes and subs had the misconception that this type of play must entail explicit sexuality on the part of the Mistress. The attitudes expressed seemed so close-minded to me that I didn't bother to post my own thoughts on the matter (If after all the warnings and clarifications on my site, people still think I'll engage in explicit activities with my body, then you are just not listening!)

This is how cuckoldry works for me. By putting it out there as an interest, I have drawn some men who have been cuckolded in real life or have fantasies about it. In such a scene, I would draw out this fantasy/reality through a seductively probing interrogation, finding the juiciest tidbits in their perverted little heads and using that information to teasingly humiliate them. It is often integrated into the training of a slave to be a slut, as their cuckolded state is perfect for erotic submission, receptivity and service; e.g. cuckolds can make great cock-suckers :-)

Now I do think that past real-life experiences of cuckoldry can be really hot after the fact. Those currently experiencing real-life cuckoldry in a safe, sane and consensual manner are also in a good place. But no, I do not directly engage in cuckoldry. Sad but true: I do not allow slaves to watch me have sex, or clean up after the mess. And please, don't even think about verbally expressing your fantasies of having me cuckold you. I'll talk about how your girlfriend/wife/lover cuckolds you, but I won't play the part. I am your Mistress, and for me that means I am your slave/animal/slut trainer. And as far as I'm concerned, that's a pretty nice part to work with ;-)

Sunday, April 4, 2004

I just added a new gallery to xia-bdsm.com. The shots are from my vintage pin-up shoot. I also moved the latex glamour shots to this second gallery. Check it out. . .
Here is something I wrote up two years ago, literally two days after I started at The Gates. You'll see that from the very beginning I was enthusiastically envisioning my own dominion of rule. I called it Ode to My Slaves and it is still quite representative of how I feel. Enjoy :-)

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I will invade your senses with my rapturous presence. Your every movement, every breath will be mine. And I will bathe in the sweetness of your surrender. So incredibly lost in the delirium of my powers, you will be in my thrall. I will whisper in your dreams and fill them with dark pleasures.

The tantalizing flavor of perfection – torturously within reach yet utterly unattainable. Enslaved in your perversions, I shall exorcise your demons with my sadistic ways. For I too know what it is like to live in a world that does not understand.

We shall dance in damnation. Rebirth through destruction. A catharsis of your shame. Beautiful tears will show me your undying devotion. For I am your goddess above all else, who knows your pain and your joy. I will make you weep with both.

Take my hand. Do not be afraid. For the path is fresh and the hope is bright.
We will journey to a new world of possibilities. You will breathe in its luxuriance. Bask in its glow. And remember again what it means to be alive.

Monday, March 29, 2004

I recently picked up two books with the following provocative titles: Jane Sexes It Up: True Confessions of Feminist Desire and Gynomite: Fearless, Feminist Porn. On the back cover of the first: "Is there a group accused more than feminists of categorically hating sex? In this anthology, that myth is put to bed in nineteen different ways." -- Jennifer Baumgardner, coauthor of Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism and the Future. Indeed, the other F-word still seems to make many men and women cringe. For instance, I've been working on retooling my Eros ad to target the most suitable applicants to add to my premium stable of slaves. As I've been refining the new text, I've been bouncing potential themes off friends for input. One of the words I wanted to use to describe myself is feminist, yet it seems that most think this would be a real turn-off. Though I'm not one to back down easily, I also don't want to simply attract subs who are into man-hating dominatrixes. Because that's really not what I'm all about. I love people -- men, women and in between. But I do like to have fun turning stereotypes of gender and power on their head in an erotically charged and highly controlled (by me! ;-) environment.

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Tera Patrick was recently in town and I had thought about seeing her show. Now she's never been one to put out much heat in her performances, so as a consumer of porn she's never been one of my favorites (Belladonna is my current fav. Tori Wells was the best ever). Yet as someone else involved in the erotic professionally, I cannot fault her for not being able to look comfortable or excited having sex on screen -- as it seems to take a certain personality type and a lot of inner strength to be able to truly enjoy it. But I'd always thought she was the most beautiful of the X-rated talent out there. Of course, I'm probably biased because she is eurasian like me. How could you not be taken by a 5'9" exotic, voluptuous amazon of a woman? So it came as a real shock to me to open up the Spectator and see pictures of her sporting gigantic breast implants. This woman had DD natural breasts and a perfectly proportioned body. Now she looks top-heavy and plastic. And it just makes me sigh and ponder what lesson can be learned from such self-defacement. In the end, it seems another sign of the dangers of self-dissolution in the glare of the public eye. Perhaps these media figures who seem addicted to body modification are attempting to regain control of their image, the same images that have been commodified and set free into the public domain.

Friday, March 26, 2004

One of the lovely ladies at The Gates loaned me "Tough Guys: Stirring Stories of Rock Hard Sex." The book is a collection of rough trade stories -- a genre of gay male erotica revolving around the fantasy of a cruel, strong and violent straight male top who sexually uses and abuses the "faggot" bottom. Not exactly the most politically correct theme, but all the more reason it's hot! Beyond the obvious thrill of the erotic, what I liked about these stories was the perspective of the outsider. The sexual outlaw who endures name-calling and worse, yet still maintains his dignity. In one tale, a couple is harassed by baseball bat-wielding homophobes. After this scary run-in, the top laughs it off rather than giving in to negativity. No matter what, he never lets himself get thrown off his game.

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I love how things converge. I was perusing a dear friend's old fetish magazines and came across Skin Two issue 14. In it I found an article on Trash -- erotic performance artist and male impersonator extraordinaire -- looking twistedly sexy with a big rubber black cock hanging between her legs and elaborately drawn mustache, goatee and sideburns. The piece was published in 1993 and that same year I met Trash after one of her shows. I had tagged along with a girlfriend and we had dinner with Trash. I admit being a bit of a clueless college kid at the time and couldn't think of anything to say to this amazing drag king. But I did write about her for my school newspaper. Though overt kinkiness was still at the periphery of my life, I was on to something even then. Another college memory: me walking up and down rows of student artwork and freezing in front of one particular canvass. Before me stood the image of a beautiful hermaphrodite. "Wow. Different. Sexy." The seeds were being planted.

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I cross-dressed myself for a scene with one of my loyal slaves the other day. It was my first time to do so professionally and what a blast! I dressed in a tight, sheer white "wifebeater" tank top, y-front undies (in the style of the horribly nick-named "tighty whities" but these were two-tone mesh from victoria's secret) packing a "soft cock" dildo and leather pants. My hair was slicked and tied back. We had an elaborate gender and power-bending roleplay where I was initially pretending to be a gay prettyboy bottom seeking a professional master. When the pro dom shows a complete inability to top, I turn the tables on him and turn him into my slut. In the end, my true identity as a femme domme is revealed when I take off my masculine attire to shower the slave with my piss.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

A quick note to all of you out there -- you know who you are -- who have been so generous and thoughtful with your gestures of gratitude and appreciation. They came at just the right time and mean a lot to me.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

I have am the proud owner of a new electroplay unit -- ErosTek 302R (good job slave m!). It has dual channels so the electrodes can be placed on two different locations. What really made me choose this particular model is that it operates via remote control. The source box is small enough to be hidden on the submissive's body. Then all I have to do is press the buttons on the keychain remote and voila! I also indulged in several attachments for diversity of play including elastic bands for wrapping around the cock and balls, as well as a glove and sticky pads. If you are interested in exploring this type of play, do let me know in advance so I can bring the ER 302R to The Gates for our session. Important note: never use TENS unit or other electrical devices (other than the violet wand) above the waist. I'd had people want to put the electrodes on their nipples and in general, this is not a good idea. Just follow the rules, and the sensations can be amazing. . .

Thursday, March 11, 2004

I see myself as a natural at what I do because of how I came to be a domina. It really was a convergence of many different aspects of my life, all of them leading to this direction. These forces included my passion for the erotic, my fascination with strong sensation, my enjoyment of unique fashions and my identification as a feminist.

In terms of the erotic, I have been a consumer of pornography since I was a teenager. I used to read those cheap smut novels. I even thought I might end up writing the stuff for a living. And dirty magazines were pretty easy to find. So from an early age I was seeing the sexual from the point of view of the male gaze -- traditionally, the one who dominates and penetrates.

Strong sensations have also been an integral part of my life. As a small child, I always had to have my swing. Then later on it was roller coasters. I guess you could say I've always been a thrill-seeker. Now I have SM play. I recently got pulled into a public scene for the first time. From the moment I laid hands on the sub, I felt this incredible rush starting from the top of my head. It's truly an amazing feeling.

How I really got started with this scene is through the fashion. As a pansexual polyamorist, I had been attending events with an alternative theme for some time. It was through these gatherings that I met a handful of gorgeous women who were dressed in the most outrageously fabulous outfits. They often wore wigs and very high platforms, with strangely restrictive fabrics that altered their walk and gave them an otherwordly quality. It turned out that they were fetish models wearing latex rubber couture and the like. I was inspired and began accumulating my own fetish wardrobe. And this was how I first met and mingled with professional dominas.

By the time I was in junior high, I had already identified myself as a feminist. So issues of power and gender have always been important to me. Though I now find many of the stances of organizations like NOW (National Organization for Women) to be faintly archaic, I continue to use the term feminist because it lets others know that I do not follow conventionally accepted mores in the male-female social dynamic. I also see a large part of what I do as revealing to men what has traditionally been women's role by guiding them in the direct experience of being submissive, receptive and masochistic. I admit that feeling misunderstood because of false perceptions of me based on my gender fueled the flames of anger in me. Coming into my own as an SM dominant allowed me to transform that rage into calculated cruelty. Now, I do not strike out in anger. Rather, there is gratitude in my heart for the suffering my slaves offer me. I honor them for their courage -- the kind of courage women have had for a long time.

So where I am now makes perfect sense. It's a natural evolution of the many paths I have explored. And it is what gives me a commanding grace and intuition when I am at my best.

Monday, March 8, 2004

I know that some of you out there have been having a hard time getting a follow-up appointment with me, as I have been quite busy lately. In an effort to make myself more available to those who have seen me before, I have lowered my visibility to potential new clients by taking down some of my advertising. Of course, new worthy slaves are always welcome. But the focus for now will be on those in on-going slave training regimens.

Thursday, March 4, 2004

One of my favorite artists is Michael Manning. He recently launched his own site at www.thespidergarden.net, named after his first graphic novel. He is local to the Bay Area, his work closely associated with the Fetish Diva Midori (his illustraton of her is well known from her business cards and website) and Madam S (on their t-shirts, flyers as well as exhibited on their walls).

"Artist and writer Michael Manning's style is intelligent and libidinal at the same time, a curious mix of fine art, Japanese manga, science fiction, and high fantasy. . . Manning's signature mixture of omnisexual groupings of women, men, mixed genders, and machines. Throughout his work, Manning's imagery conveys a very personal mythology, a direct route to his deepest fantasies about our relationships with machines, bodies, and power." (HotWired '95)

His imagery is sumptuous, at times almost delirious in its sensual detail. It teases one with provocative dualities: at once organic/mechanistic, human/animal, male/female, light/dark, pain/pleasure... The organic element can be seen in the use of webs, tendrils and pervasive, fluid-like bondage, as well as the actual setting of water and garden. For me, I am particularly drawn to the Androgyne character -- a hermaphroditic dream come true who rules over this ethereal and erotic landscape.

His latest work is the In a Metal Web series (books I and II). I am the proud owner of both novels, signed and given to me by the artist. Look out for local domina Reina Aurora, who is featured in these stories. These beautifully drawn tales will expand your imagination with tantalizingly twisted images. Step into the garden and enjoy your visit!

Thursday, February 26, 2004

If you have not seen it yet, I highly recommend the film Dangerous Beauty (1998) -- one of my absolute favorites. Here is an excerpt from a review:

"16th-century Venice, most women would either be wives, nuns or prostitutes.

A very fortunate, select few might become courtesans.

These beautiful women were schooled in all social graces as well as poetry, literature, music, politics and philosophy. They were the only women who were allowed to be a man's equal in public and in private.

Dangerous Beauty is the story of Veronica Franco, the most famous courtesan of her day. She entered the history books not because she beguiled the aristocracy of Venice but because she defied the Catholic Church.

How Franco found herself the subject of a witch-hunt and a landmark trial is one of the sub-plots of Dangerous Beauty, a sumptuous melodrama."
--from the Calgary Sun

So many themes hit upon in this film struck a chord with me. And that was true from the first time I watched it in the theaters several years ago, when I was still working in an office and doing "normal" work. I could relate to the main character's struggle to be recognized as a full-fledged, multi-dimensional human being, beyond the limiting categories of gender and social status. To be regarded not simply as an attractive accessory to men, but as someone who could stand on her own through the strength of her intelligence, skills, creativity and spirit. And at the same time, to celebrate the sensual without apologies for the fact that it is both pleasurable and profitable. And then there are the timeless forces of oppression: here in the form of the Inquisition, which thinks it has an easy target in this fiercely passionate and beloved woman. Well, that's about all I'll say. Go see it for yourself!

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In many ways, I came well prepared when I embarked upon my career in professional domination. Yet one thing that did catch me off guard were the online review sites. It was strange to realize that anyone could surreptiously rate me as we scened together. In fact, one of the most high profile dommes in the area told me she was glad she retired before this process got rolling. For a brief time, I was a bit overly suspicious of certain types and uneasy at the thought that I was being spied upon (It also didn't help that a Seattle escort also named Xia was getting mixed up with me on one site. It took several emails to straighten this out and get my profile to accurately reflect the activities I do and do not get into!).

But I've made my peace with this system as best as I can. I understand people's desire to be as informed as possible. And while I find their typical tone to be on the disrespectful side, I think that can be attributed to the reviewer wanting to save face in front of his peers. After all, it's a rare day that most men would openly and publicly submit to a woman. I find it especially interesting that reviews rarely mention feminization, which is a fairly common form of domination -- particularly in concert with slut training, which is one of my specialities.

In the end, I cannot imagine anyone who sees me on a regular basis writing a review without consulting me. So the kind of person that would write a review without my knowledge is by definition going to be someone with whom I did not really connect with in the scene. The beauty of professional domination is that there are so many amazing women out there, all with their own unique take on things. And I certainly do not claim to be the right fit for everyone, nor do I desire to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Those who have taken the time to read my personal website and correspond with me know what I'm all about. If you are just looking at my photos and hoping to fulfill some Asian/Eurasian domme fetish, you will probably be disappointed as I do not easily fit into stereotypes. With a little homework, it's not hard to ascertain whether there is compatibility there.

It's really all a part of a larger trend. There's now a site called RateMyProfessors.com for college students to rate their instructors. I wouldn't be surprised if we get sites devoted to reviewing doctors, therapists, hair stylists and the like. Some say that the days of private interaction are fast coming to an end, what with the internet and other pervasive technologies. And so it goes. . .

Saturday, February 21, 2004

I just had the most gratifying exchange with one of my long-time submissives. He thanked me for progressively challenging him in his slave training. He said his explorations have influenced the other aspects of his life, inspiring him to tackle work and lifestyle issues with a new perspective. This is what it's all about for me. Truly making a positive impact!

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Props to Mistress Naughtia, who I ran into the other night, for so graciously allowing me to have a bit of sadistic fun with her slaveboy. I was giddy from it! :-)

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Hello everyone, I'm back. I haven't had DSL access for the past week, so I'm just catching up with emails.

Friday, February 13, 2004

I've been asked a few times by concerned individuals if I get to screen those who come to serve me. Actually, my website acts as a very good filter. Ever since I put it up over a year ago, I've consistently seen people whose interests and philosophy match my own. It's a self-selecting process in that you read over my detailed explanations of my approach and it either jibes with your own or you move on. It would behoove most people to do their homework before going to the trouble of coming in for an appointment, so it's the rare day that I have a complete disconnect from the get-go. Occasionally, someone will come in who has read over my site but misinterprets some part of it. Even that experience is helpful, as afterwards I'll usually tweak my site to make my message more exact. In fact, I am constantly revising my site to fit my continually evolving style. So if you haven't read through it in a while, take another look. I also exchange emails with many potential submissives. What I write in this blog adds yet another dimension to it. And the receptionists are great at steering callers in the right direction, referring to our list of preferences as well as checking with us personally when possible.

Happy V-Day if you're into the hallmark holidays. Today, I'm celebrating Friday the 13th!

Thursday, February 12, 2004

I met a very sexy, very passable TS at a nightclub recently. She's so beautiful and photogenic that she's even done modelling as a woman. She likes to go out on dates with conservative businessmen, string them along for a while, then never put out -- because she never tells them she is not a biological woman! I don't condone her deception, but I can understand where she's coming from. When they think she's the "real thing," they are falling all over themselves to be with her. If they find out the truth, it's an entirely different matter. She says she's waiting for the trans-op technology to get even better. That in the decade or so that she's been taking hormones, every year she sees others come back from Thailand with more realistic looking and pleasurable feeling vaginas. It's like we're on pussy version 8.5 now! One reason she doesn't tell her suitors is that she wants to leave open the possibility of rekindling the romance after her surgery, with them none the wiser.

I've been to vanilla dance parties where the most outrageously sexy women there are actually transsexuals. When I see these totally clueless guys start to drool, I can't help but smile. I know this is wicked, but I love that look on their face when they find out the truth. What a gender bend ;-) Though in the end, it's often the women who are most unfriendly and unaccepting of a TS. I guess it's that feeling of not being able to compete. What made a difference for me was reading TS porn star Vanity's interview in Spectator -- how she just wanted to be loved and didn't understand why women hated her when they found out she had a cock. After that, I went up to her at a party and told her I appreciated what she'd said. She is a special person, super hot and really sweet.

I was proud of a couple of my guy friends the other night for clubbing it with me and another hot lady who happens to be a TS. These are beefy, sports-watching kind of guys who a few years ago would have been ashamed to openly associate with a transsexual (though not surprisingly, they've both made their share of trips to the Power Exchange and Divas for surreptitious play). So even though they knew what was between her legs, they just didn't care what people thought. I think that's so healthy. Every little subculture has these weird rules and no-no's. Even while they exude a sense of being anti-establishment and rebellious cool, there's judgment and the need to exclude. The last time I tried to be in the the "in" crowd was 7th grade. Since then, I've been content with the real outcasts and outsiders. She and I were dancing together and got hit on by this couple who were like, "Are you two lesbians?" What a fun, twisted world we live in. I like to joke that one day they'll be able to grow my clit into a cock over in Thailand. . . then again I think I'd miss my meow!

Sunday, February 8, 2004

Turning the personal into professional requires delicacy and awareness, whether one is an artist, writer, actor, dominatrix or any other vocation that involves baring one's soul. The balance of sharing something truly special with those who seek it, while at the same time keeping some things private, and also being mindful of practical matters. It's the challenge of creating a truly meaningful connection within a commercial context. These very challenges are part of what gives it an edge.

Saturday, February 7, 2004

I was procrastinating studying for my anatomy test the other day. Could you tell by all my random mini-entries? ;-) I'm excited to be exploring the sciences right now. Before, I used to be quite biased towards the humanities. In fact, I didn't see much value in maths or sciences, thinking of them as nothing more than rout memorization as opposed to the lofty intellectualism of history, literature and the social sciences. I was always into science fiction and reading non-fiction works about science and scientists, as I saw the important implications of technological development on our lives. But I gave up too quickly on the "boring" fundamentals. Now, I've come full circle and have developed an intense curiousity for the structure, rules and theories about the physical world. I am interested in cultivating even greater rationality through a solid scientific understanding of the world.

Time to go enjoy this beautiful day. . .

Thursday, February 5, 2004

Hey Mistress Clarissa! I don't know about that online test you have a link to in your blog, where you can see what world leader you most resemble. I'm sure you're happy with the results, as you got JFK. But guess who I got? Hitler!!! Ha ha ha, I gotta laugh at that one. On a positive note, the movie I am most like is Raiders of the Lost Ark -- it says I live for "adventure, fortune-hunting and danger." Here's the link for the tests. I think this means it's time to get off the computer now ;-)
In the past, I've been quite proud to say that I don't really watch TV. Why sit around watching other people's adventures when you can have your own? Yet I suppose now that I have a multi-site web presence, I have become a mediated experience for others. The difference is that I'm also real, meaning I can be a real part of one's life rather than just an illusive image and words. It's that web of connection that I care about, the people who surround me and make up my community. I have never been one to live vicariously through others, such as reading gossip about people I don't know.

I am from the bowels of Los Angeles -- land of the mediated experience. And I am a club kid at heart. One thing that irked me when trying to nightclub it there was this reticence to be Fabulous with a capital F. Perhaps we're helped along here by that wonderful Pride vibe. Whatever the reason, I enjoy going out and looking funky-sexy-outrageous without that questioning look of "And who do you think you are?" that is too often evident in Tinseltown. As if everyone just lives and breathes to emulate the lives of celebrities, and only they have a right to dress in truly unique or attention-getting attire. The desire to look and feel divine needs no ulterior motive, and does not necessarily imply competitiveness i.e. "I'm looking great to show my superiority and make you feel bad about yourself." Sometimes I get a whiff of that attitude here in the City, but I don't think this has to be the case.

Entertainers act out wild and stylish lives. Me and my comrades, we live it for ourselves, not for the cameras. I find it amusing when someone who's spent most of their life watching the screen sees some similarity in my club style and that of a celebrity, therefore concluding that I must be copying that famous person. I don't turn on the television to get my fashion tips. Looks evolve from the street, the clubs, dance culture and all these other cool subcultures, then are co-opted by the stars, not the other way around. Ah yes, the emperor wears no clothes . . .
Being a professional domina puts one in a very interesting position-- one that is easily misunderstood. I'm beginning to see the importance of the role of teacher in all of this. There is so much ignorance about the nature of our craft. From those who lump us together with prostitutes on the one hand, to those who see us as exploiting the SM lifestyle on the other. There will always be non-believers in every direction. I have learned not to be offended by other people's cluelessness, and to have patience with those receptive to discovering the truth of the matter. I think women have been so trained to react strongly at even the insinuation of being called a whore, that it can lead to blinding, destructive rage rather than bridge building and compassion. I am secure in who I am, what I do and do not do. For those with good intentions, it is often simply a matter of re-education.

Monday, February 2, 2004

What a superbowl. OK if you're not into sports, don't read this. I agree that there are a lot of good reasons to object to big league sports but none of them have to do with the actual game. The commercials and half-time show were crap. All the better. The game itself was beautiful and that's what matters. I was so happy to see two excellent teams where everyone was a good sport. No showboating, no mean-spirited antics. Just great playing. And even a sense of humility. Like a lot of things, a good ball game illustrates some important lessons in life. To be fierce, yet controlled. To be eager, yet calm. To be fired up, but not so much that the emotions turn performance into chaos. To be determined to reach your goals and principled in your efforts. To have heart. . . Uh-oh, I'm starting to sound all gushy now. Better sign off before I start singing some broadway tune ;-)

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Argh! Photo shoots can be so nerve-wracking. I admit I don't make the best model. I much prefer being the director rather than the one being objectified. But I also know that I've gotten very nice results in the past and I have lots of visual concepts in my head. Plus it'll be nice one day years from now to pull out some of my best pics and be able to say, "Yeah, that was me." Though I'm so glad I have many other faculties besides my looks to go on. I have friends that have had their browliner, eyeliner and lipliner permanently tattooed along with most of their body hair permanently lasered off. They say they want to look good all the time, whether they're shopping for groceries or working out at the gym. For me, sometimes I like to dress down in some loose-fitting plain outfit, glasses, hair pulled back and no make-up and just be invisible. The visual is so powerful in our society. Eye candy is truly an opiate for the masses. Yet like a drug, alone it carries no real substance beyond the fleeting high. It's in concert with something working at a higher level that it's power is properly utilized.
Since the house was so busy last night, I ended up having to do my last session in the upstairs sitting room. It's our smallest room. I was quite pleased with being able to negotiate a scene in a space not much bigger than a walk-in closet! I brought in a lot of my own toys and tools, and it ended up working out very well. It has a cute little purple sofa and lots of mirrors, with one wall of shaded windows that brings in some light during the day. Its coziness and decor can work for the right scene (eg shorter sessions with office, medical or other roleplays that work best outside of a dungeon setting). I could have done the scene in the boudoir, but that is my least favorite room. It has a bed in it with white sheer curtains around it. It is equipped with cross-dressing accoutrements, so it can be good for that type of play. But in general, I find it too vanilla. And it can be hard to convey the essence of BDSM to a novice in such a setting. Though regardless of where I have to play, I know that I can make it work out. Confidence in one's ingenuity is part of what being a domme is all about.
Isn't it always this way. Just when I post a diss of Victoria's Secret, I spot not one but two of my Gates sisters looking stunningly sexy in said lingerie. Not a bad way to be contradicted!

For me, being a pro domme has become as much about being a part of a group of kinky, like-minded women as it is about being worshipped by men. I love how everyone is happily twisted and open-minded, both unabashed in their unique eroticism and the control they exert over it.

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Though I've only been a pro domme for a year and a half, I've been involved on and off in the fetish and BDSM scene for over 8 years. When I go to a community event, I don't advertise that I'm with The Gates. Some may suspect or happen to know, but most are discrete enough not to inquire. And by not flashing my "credentials," I get a more true reaction from people -- based on genuine affection (or not!) rather than status recognition. And I know some great people this way :-) It also works the other way around for me. Meaning that I have to prove myself rather than rely on reputation. It helps push me to reach out and grow rather than rest on past achievements or the impetus of others.

People often say that they want to be recognized for an achievement based solely on merit rather than outside influences. For example, you hear celebrities who act and then want to try their hand at singing say this. Or relatives of celebrities trying to make it big say that they want to do it on their own talent rather than nepotism. Yet if this really were the case, wouldn't they change their name and never mention their other achievements or connections? Myself, I enjoy being able to start fresh and strike out in new worlds. There are so many wonderful little subcultures to explore.

And with regards to the nature of my work as a "paid player," I prefer being low key as to avoid the false perception by some that I can be bought. Being a woman who has always rejected the traditional male-female dynamic which involves the man paying for the woman (the most obvious sign being the rock on her finger -- the insinuation being the bigger the rock, the more she is worth), I am particularly sensitive to this. I've never really played the dating game. Although I know some like to think of it this way, I never look at a session as a romantic date. I see the fact that I'm paid as compensation for my time as any professional expert would expect. I'm just lucky enough to have a really fun gig, with caring friendships among those who submit and serve me.

At The Gates dinner we had the other night, I got into a discussion of marriage. My aversion to marriage has more to do with its vestiges of male dominance: the engagement ring, the giving away of the bride, the ever-present sense that this is more a favor to the woman than the man. And all the conventions that go with it without question: that it's the woman wears the engagement ring and is given away, that it's the woman who changes her last name, then becomes the primary child caretaker. So many gender fixations that I find limiting.

Anyways, so this is all very real for me. To live a twisted life. I couldn't live any other way. And after all, the basic code of life comes in an inversely matched, twisted pair (i.e. DNA), so who's to say that the perverts aren't the most aligned with the laws of nature?

Last night The Gates went out on the town for a high fetish dinner. It was a blast to see so many lovely ladies dressed up in shiny, skin-tight latex and curve-accentuating corsetry. Lady Madeline Claval and Mistresses Kaya and Elka were in attendance as well as most of the ladies who make up the current house. Props to our headmistress Domina Sage for treating us all -- damn, did she look hot in an all black rubber cat suit with plunging neckline!

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I envision the play scene in terms of an equal energy exchange. In order for it to be a genuinely reciprocal exchange, this requires that my slave give me some of their power, trusting that I will give it back in the form of domination and control leading to their own submission. It is a two-way street. When it is lopsided, then one party may feel weakened as their energy is being leeched away. I believe, like many of my cohorts, that BDSM and fetish play can be a healing experience. This runs contrary to popular opinion, which focuses on the veneer of unhealthiness attached to the very labels we use to describe it: perversions, fetishes, torture, humiliation, degradation. Yet it is the aspect of turning these powerful forces -- which are typically channelled into the negative and destructive -- into the positive and productive. There may still be destruction, but there is also rebirth. The balance is in maintaining it as a cathartic rather than draining experience.

Following upon this idea, I see my dynamic with any particular slave to be just that: a dynamic, evolving experience. We build upon previous scenes, each one being a layer of intricacies, as we get closer to a space of pure bliss where dualities -- such as pleasure and pain, male and female, darkness and light -- blur into meaninglessness. When someone initially approaches me wanting something very special and wicked (e.g. forced bi or public exposure), they need to understand that I do not treat an unknown as I would a loyal slave. It is far better to ingratiate yourself with me first through sincere one-on-one servitude and devotion, then bring up these desires. And know that though it may take only a few moments for you to think it up in your head, it takes time and resources in the real world.

Thursday, January 22, 2004

Gong Hay Fat Choy! Happy New Year :-)

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

I just got the Victoria's Secret Valentine's Day catalog. Very hot! It certainly makes for beautiful soft porn, what with all those sexy Brazilian models like Adriana Lima. But I have to let you in on a little secret -- though there may be some exceptions, most women I know (and yes, they are young and fit) have found that the actual merchandise quality leaves much to be desired. I know that for those photo shoots, they often use what's called fashion tape and other alterations to make even the most ill-fitting clothes hug the body. Well, I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth and I do very much appreciate the gift certificates I've received from Victoria's Secret. But after going back and forth to UPS for returns several times, I have taken it off my list of preferred shops. No worries, I did find a few keepers that I'll be using in an upcoming cheesecake photo shoot -- look out for new pics on my site soon! So though it has a more "trashy" reputation, I have had a lot of luck with Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie. Just goes to show, you can't always judge a book by its cover model ;-)

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Those interested in serving me should know that there is a price to be paid for the privilege of being in the presence of a true domina. And I don't mean the monetary tribute. I mean a psychic offering to the goddess. Something one relinquishes that leaves one vulnerable. Like when a dog rolls on its back and exposes its neck to the alpha in the pack -- a sign of trust and deference to superior power. There are some seekers I have encountered who seem to think that simply paying for my time should earn them the reward of body worship or other purely sensual experiences. Yet I never engage in such activities lightly. They are in fact rewards. And they require work to get there. Be it in the form of suffering for me: the sting of the lash, restricted and contorted in bondage, hot wax on bare skin, nipples twisted and pinched, cock and balls tightly bound and laden with weight. Or stripping oneself of one's ego by exposing oneself to humiliating and degrading acts. Or being my bitch by fellating my strap-on cock, then opening oneself completely to my plundering. I believe the very nature of true submission requires a pushing of oneself to the outer layers of one's comfort zone. I don't necessarily mean being hard-core in the sense known as edge play. But simply being open to the twist.

Thursday, January 8, 2004

I just finished the novel Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. It's the story of the Wizard of Oz from the witch's point of view. OK but what's really frustrating is this: on the back cover it mentions that the Tin Man is the victim of domestic abuse. But I could not find that at all in the actual story. It's crazy! I've even posted to craigslist about it to try to get an answer. That's what's nice about reading in groups like a book club or a literature class -- you get to discuss all the finer points and vent about the inconsistencies. The last book club I was in were more interested in talking about the latest reality TV show than the book we were supposed to be reading, so I quickly gave up on them. Perhaps time to find another. . .

Monday, January 5, 2004

It's come to my attention that some emails sent to me over the holidays may have been lost. My site was temporarily down over Christmas, so if you sent me a message at that time I probably did not get it.

Sunday, January 4, 2004

A new lady recently joined us at The Gates. Her name is Reyna and she is a beautiful petite black and polynesian mix. Her presence brings a nice new flavor to the house. It's been my experience that dommes of color encounter a lot of the same issues within the BDSM and fetish communities -- from how issues of power relate to one's personal history of oppression to annoyance at ethnic stereotypes and cultural misunderstandings to commonalities in how we celebrate and perceive life -- so I've found this support network to be an especially important resource for me. Everyone's so busy, but it would be great if someone (yeah I know, it's always someone else!) would organize a little get-together like that photo shoot by Andrew Morgan. That's our very own Mistress Clarissa in the middle top row, third from left. Doesn't she look hot!?! ;-)