One of the lovely ladies at The Gates loaned me "Tough Guys: Stirring Stories of Rock Hard Sex." The book is a collection of rough trade stories -- a genre of gay male erotica revolving around the fantasy of a cruel, strong and violent straight male top who sexually uses and abuses the "faggot" bottom. Not exactly the most politically correct theme, but all the more reason it's hot! Beyond the obvious thrill of the erotic, what I liked about these stories was the perspective of the outsider. The sexual outlaw who endures name-calling and worse, yet still maintains his dignity. In one tale, a couple is harassed by baseball bat-wielding homophobes. After this scary run-in, the top laughs it off rather than giving in to negativity. No matter what, he never lets himself get thrown off his game.

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I love how things converge. I was perusing a dear friend's old fetish magazines and came across Skin Two issue 14. In it I found an article on Trash -- erotic performance artist and male impersonator extraordinaire -- looking twistedly sexy with a big rubber black cock hanging between her legs and elaborately drawn mustache, goatee and sideburns. The piece was published in 1993 and that same year I met Trash after one of her shows. I had tagged along with a girlfriend and we had dinner with Trash. I admit being a bit of a clueless college kid at the time and couldn't think of anything to say to this amazing drag king. But I did write about her for my school newspaper. Though overt kinkiness was still at the periphery of my life, I was on to something even then. Another college memory: me walking up and down rows of student artwork and freezing in front of one particular canvass. Before me stood the image of a beautiful hermaphrodite. "Wow. Different. Sexy." The seeds were being planted.

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I cross-dressed myself for a scene with one of my loyal slaves the other day. It was my first time to do so professionally and what a blast! I dressed in a tight, sheer white "wifebeater" tank top, y-front undies (in the style of the horribly nick-named "tighty whities" but these were two-tone mesh from victoria's secret) packing a "soft cock" dildo and leather pants. My hair was slicked and tied back. We had an elaborate gender and power-bending roleplay where I was initially pretending to be a gay prettyboy bottom seeking a professional master. When the pro dom shows a complete inability to top, I turn the tables on him and turn him into my slut. In the end, my true identity as a femme domme is revealed when I take off my masculine attire to shower the slave with my piss.