Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I'm Back!

I'm back from vacation and feeling well rested and ready to play! I'll be posting a more specific schedule on my site soon. Enjoy this beautiful day :-)

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Outdoor Adventures

I just got back from an exhilarating cross country ski trip in Tahoe. I am leaving tomorrow for Florida: snorkeling the coral reefs off the Keys, canoeing the Everglades and partying in South Beach. For those who have sent me emails or submitted a questionnaire in the last few days, I'll be following up after I return on the 26th.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

"Consistency is the Horror of the World"

With my recent independence has come a welcome shift in perspective: taking sessions feels much more like a fun, secret hobby and a lot less like a real job. Not spending three days a week crossing the bridge for an 8+ hour shift has freed up my schedule. This has allowed me the opportunity to delve into other work and interests, which in turn has made me even more appreciative of my session time while also motivating me to even higher standards of play. My questionnaire on my website has been a boon, assisting me in screening for the most suitable candidates for my particular style of domination.

"Consistency is the horror of the world," wrote Brenda Ueland. I love that quote because for me, each day brings its own realizations as I continually shift and flow. Some people think of a plan and stick with it no matter what. I prefer to combine reason with intuition, both thinking and feeling my way to the next level. And so my mind changes, which you may have witnessed in the reading of my blog. God forbid! I don't know why people act like it's the worst thing thing in the world to change one's mind. Ideas may be fleeting for me. But my passions, my committments -- those are unusually strong in me, inspiring loyalty and deep connection.

Before, I thought that being a full-time dominatrix was best. Don't we always think that whichever way we are currently doing something is best? Our silly mind chatter! It's really quite laughable if you don't take it all so seriously. I remember reading this quote from the porn star Francesca Le, who has been making movies since the early '90s. For most of her career she had un-augmented, very small breasts. Then a few years back she got breast implants. She was talking about picking female talent for a series she was directing and she said something like "There's nothing worse than a woman who's skinny and flat-chested." Whoa! Wasn't that you for most of your career, Ms. Le? We become so attached to whatever our current view is, even to the point of bashing our former incarnations. If we can't even accept our former selves, how are we supposed to have tolerance for anyone else?

It's about time! That's how I feel about broadening my career path. After four years of being exclusively a pro domme, certain patterns have become engrained. Come on, wouldn't you be a little spoiled too if you'd been worshipped, adored and served -- your virtues extolled in verse, your whims catered to with precious gifts and your every command taken as the word of the Goddess? Yet despite these small challenges, being Mistress Xia continues to be an incredibly enriching and rewarding experience. Certainly, most of what I have learned has been good. Inhabiting this role has imbued me with a graceful ease and self assurance in my own uniqueness, along with so much more. Yet I am glad that I made the decision to diversify at this point. I am looking forward to getting involved in traditional business again (oh that's going to make all the rest seem that much more naughty!) and I've been working on my non-Xia writing as well. It's all about balance. I think that will only make me a better Mistress. Now the hours I spend in the dungeon are simply a time of joyful immersion in Mistress-slave play, with submissives I enjoy and who truly get me.

Friday, March 2, 2007

On Vacation March 9th - 26th

What a beautiful day it's been! Just wanted to let everyone know that I will be on vacation starting Friday March 9th until Sunday March 25th.

I have some availability next week before I leave. Check in with me at or call my appointment line.


As I sat there, working on the computer, with the television on the in background playing Spike TV -- program after program of men beating each other up or acting like jack asses alongside snippets of sexy women thrown in as commercials and teasers, I had to wonder at myself.

In my youth, I know I would have considered a channel like Spike to be a travesty. I would have looked at all the T & A and mindless aggression as contributing to the evil of the world through its objectification of women and promotion of macho culture.

Hell, I probably was right. But the fact of the matter is that at this point in my life, that's the kind of TV I like to watch. Right now I am looking at a cute, busty brunette in sexy lingerie talking to the camera. And in a few seconds it'll be the guys again pulling stupid stunts like getting kicked in the balls by a porn star or hot peppers shoved up their ass. Wait a second, it is a bit like my work, now isn't it? Especially since I invariably keep it on mute, which is as good as my trusty ball gag for keeping the peace ;-)

Indeed, it's humbling to the ego when the things that used to offend now have appeal. It makes me realize how the judgments we hold so dearly are truly subjective; dependent upon the stage of evolution we inhabit at the time.

Things are much more postmodern for me now. I try to keep my absolutism to a minimum i.e. "This is right" or "This is bad." I mean, how can I judge when I have experienced first-hand both incredible self-righteousness and a complete turnaround in how I view power dynamics?

I had been raised and steeped in the feminist tradition of seeing women as victims, interpreting every action in a bitter and strident tone. Or course, women did have it worse off. Growing up in the shadow of Hollywood in the '90s, there were no women kicking ass as action heroes or presidents or pretty much any leading role in American movies. Susan Faludi's Backlash documented this dark time. Not until Terminator 2 did we see more fierce roles for women begin to emerge.

Ironically, what I thought of as feminist attitude back then feels a lot more like victimization complex to me now. Today, I look at life from a femme domme perspective. It is so much closer to my truth than constantly scrutinizing for slights to my womanhood in every action. After all, there will always be two basic ways to interpret any given act: half full or half empty. Top or bottom. Yin or yang.

For example, a man walking a few feet in front of a woman is traditionally thought of as implying the woman is submissively following him. Can't it be equally true that he walks ahead because Mistress enjoys walking her dog that way? Or because he is a valiant knight clearing the path for his Queen? There's always at least two sides to the story. You know the one I prefer!

"Don't believe everything you think." That's a favorite saying of mine. Don't believe everything you think. And I would add "Remember to laugh and be kind."

That is what's been working for me lately. . .