Thursday, June 19, 2008

"Battlestar Galactica" Satisfies. "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" Tantalizes

I just got caught up to the latest Battlestar Galactica. Wow! There is something about watching these ongoing, epic science fiction dramas (Babylon Five also comes to mind, though BSG is my fav) that can be so rewarding when they finally start to wrap things up. As a viewer, you've literally invested years following these characters and stories, cheering the daring, insightful plot developments along the way. With too many shows, I've had my hopes dashed as storylines veered off track from boldness, intelligence and originality to implausible or predictably neutered fare. Perhaps because BSG never drew the huge audiences of other shows, it has been allowed to stay true to its vision. Sci fi dramas like BSG allow us to thoughtfully explore the dangerous territories of us versus them politics and religion without all the baggage that comes from seeing it in "real-life" terms.

I caught a trailer for Showtime's Secret Diary of a Call Girl. It's interesting to note that while networks in the U.S. typically make homegrown versions of successful foreign shows, this one is simply the re-packaged original from the U.K. The cynic in me knows that lines like "Escort, hooker, prostitute, or whore, I don't care what you call me, that's just semantics" delivered with a smooth, upper-class British accent goes down a lot easier with Stateside audiences, somehow sounding more sophisticated than if those same words were pronounced with the more jarring tones of an American. I have yet to watch the series, but I will likely give you my two cents after I do.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Vibrators, Geeky Science & Saying Yes to Creativity

Last night just before midnight on cable, I saw a commercial the likes of which I have never seen before. It was for the Trojan Vibrating Touch Fingertip Massager. The ad had everyday-looking women, older and younger, advising each other on the wonders of the product. We've come a long way to "Sex in the City" marketing baby!


Science geek alert: check out the Nova on Epigenetics. If DNA is the hardware, this is the software. Epigenetics explains how genetically identical organisms can have different physiologies (eg how one twin develops autism but the other doesn't) and how environmental influences such as pesticides and smoking can permanently alter our bloodlines for 3 or more generations. Whether your grandfather was well-fed or close to starving during his late childhood may determine your susceptability to certain diseases and even your lifespan. If we're anything like rats, whether or not you were nurtured well as a baby can determine how often and what amount of stress hormones your body releases. These switchs are determined at different times depending on gender. The "sensitivity period" for females is in the womb, for males in late childhood (perhaps evidence that females truly are most sensitive!). This is a huge step in our understanding of the complexity of life and evolution, one that's already helping fight cancer. Pretty amazing stuff.


Shortly after I started this blog in '03, I had a conversation with someone who questioned me as to why I was blogging. "If everyone writes a blog, then who's going to read them all?" he wondered. He seemed perplexed by the outpouring of expression by the masses. I think it made him nervous, upsetting the status quo where there are the people who perform and then there's the rest of us who sit back passively consuming, politely clapping afterwards. Perhaps it unsettled him to know that technology is quickly closing the gap between artist and audience, and that there'll be fewer and fewer excuses for not participating. In many so-called primitive cultures, things like story-telling, singing, dancing, playing instruments and making sculptures are activities not limited to an elite, but are done by everyone to bring people together. So many of us have our own snippets of truth and beauty to share. Our fast-progressing world is making it easier for like-minded souls to connect. Yes, the lowest-common denominator mega-audience is for the most part gone. And I say good riddance.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Being There

Over the course of multitudes of conversations with seekers of professional domination, I have gleened more times than I would like to admit a chasm separating my own mentalité from that of my prospective submissive. Part of this gap may be attributed to the parallel but not always overlapping points of view typically embodied in the male and female minds.

Beyond that, the source of the disconnect seems to come from a lack of critical thinking and presence in the moment. Projections, assumptions, stereotypes - they all come from lazy, pre-packaged thinking, which in turn is indicative of a lack of awareness of what's right in front of you. Lost daydreaming up our latest fantasies in our heads, we fail to see the human being in the room with us.

I get the feeling some prefer it that way. For whatever reason - be it shame, fear or disdain - some people do not want to really lay their cards down on the table, let you in their heads and truly engage. In my experience, it has been the most frustrating and ultimately dispiriting to walk through a scene with someone who really doesn't see me. I'd rather have someone insult me with a sexual request than act like I'm some Mistress fill-in-the-blank automaton, just going through the motions. This is not mindless manual labor. This is a craft inspired by heart and soul!

Folks like this will be better off when virtual reality is good enough to fool their brains into thinking avatars are real people. Unfortunately in the meantime, they will continue to torment dominatrixes who are interested in exploring authentic human connection.

I reconciled myself to these disconnects with the following compromise: if they cannot truly understand me, then at least they can worship me. And I don't just mean the euphemism of worship=getting sensual, but the concept of worship in a grander sense.

Of course, the Mistress is supposed to love the idea of being worshipped. We each reflect the sacred to one extent or another, and as such there is a god or goddess within us all. I have this lofty perspective now. Though I confess that when I got my start, I craved worship purely as a form of ego-buffing. All that fawning can get to your head. I did get a wake-up call early on during a double session, when I heard a submissive say all the same things he said to me to another domme, who was completely different from me in almost every way. That's when I realized so much of what comes out of both the sub and the domme's mouth are these canned sayings.

It's fascinating to watch others go through the same process. I enjoy seeing the excitement of initial discovery that comes from training a woman with latent dominant powers. I remember watching my apprentice H admiring herself in the mirror during a scene, and I knew she was thinking the same things I used to think of: how hot she looked in her fetish outfit, how much of a badass she was strutting her stuff, how fiercely and beautifully she ruled over these men.

It's funny how things change. Now when someone describes me as this all-powerful, exquisite goddess of supreme powers, I roll my eyes. It's cute. That stuff no longer does it for me. It kind of bores me now. But I'm glad because that means I no longer need that kind of puffing up. I'm too busy working on other things.

Another aspect to being a Mistress which usually goes unquestioned is the idea of having followers. Sometimes I'll take a critical point of view in this blog and I'll get an email vociferously agreeing with me while at the same time attacking the target of my critique to a point far beyond my own objections. It's a bit frightening to see how the game of telephone works on a psychological level. I suppose that's how we got zealotry in the first place!

I sometimes think some women and men like to take on the submissive role because they don't want to have to do the hard thinking. Maybe they know they're not that good at it. And I guess that's OK. Still, it's slightly unnerving when I feel like people are swallowing my words whole rather than doing their own chewing and digesting. I assume in my readers an understanding that underlying everything I write is the subtext: think for yourself. We each need to analyze opinions within the context of our own unique lives. In terms of self-awareness, there can be no Mistress to do the job for you. We must each be our own master and commander.


I'm so taken with Manhattan. Right now, I am resonating with the no-bullshit, let's get work done attitude, the joie de vivre and the prickly heart. It's like LA but with culture and intelligence. LOL did I just write that??

I am contemplating staying out there for a month or so next summer. Never say never! You may recall me declaring as much in an earlier post regarding my retirement. I'm mulling it over at the moment, and am seriously considering taking sessions when I am in New York.

I've been in San Francisco for 12 years now. I've traveled quite a bit during my time here, though I've only left for an extended period once when I studied spanish in Costa Rica for 3 months. I am feeling the travel bug biting deeper into me again, especially the pull towards big, hi-tech megapolises. A short trip to Tokyo is in the works as well.

We'll see...

Friday, June 13, 2008

Impressions of New York

Just got back from a week in Manhattan, my second trip in two years. I am loving that city! We happened to arrive during a heat wave, with temperatures in the 90s and higher. I was pleasantly surprised at how un-muggy it was, despite the heat. And all the pretty ladies in beautiful, sexy sundresses - now that was a sight to behold. It goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway!) that New York is the most stylish and stylistically brave city in America. My issue with so many places is feeling like I'm drawing more attention than desired by the clothes I want to wear. Not every woman is asking for a virtual target sign by the fashion she dons. Sometimes she just wants to feel free to fully express her vision of herself. In New York, I felt that freedom.

Multi-ethnic groups of friends and couples were a much more common sight in New York. This also surprised me, as I had always thought of California as being on the forefront of racial harmony. But I saw many more mixed groups and couples hanging out - both young and old - to the point where it no longer seemed novel. Perhaps it's simply the greater number of people you can observe in that vast city. Yet my initial impression of it as a novelty seemed to reinforce its relative rarity on this coast. I guess they've had more time to work on that over there.

Contemporary New Yorkers defy the old stereotype of being unfriendly. One of my friends says it's because of 9/11, that after getting your teeth knocked out, it changes your perspective. Whatever the reason, my friendly encounters outnumbered the rude ones by at least 10 to 1. And not just friendly but helpful and actually watching out for you. I would say it's one of the most neighborly big cities I've had the privilege of visiting.

The only place that underwhelmed me during my visit was the local Hustler strip club. That being said, I was there on a Sunday night, which is supposed to be slow, and the blond Russians who worked the tables were just not my type. I'm sure on a future trip I can find a strip club to suit my tastes, though the Bay Area definitely seems to be the center for hapa hotties.

I checked out Brooklyn as well, since I have heard it compared to the Mission in San Francisco, which I call home. We took the subway to Park Slope, which I believe was Heath Ledger's neighborhood. I'd say that area is more like Noe Valley, with all the strollers and kids. But I'm glad I ventured over there, as it reinforced for me why places in Manhattan are so in-demand. I'm going to do a bit of research and figure out a way to stay there for a month or so next summer. New York has not seen the last of me!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Gotta Love 'Em

Chatting with a fellow former dominatrix the other day, the playboy bunny reality show "The Girls Next Door" came up. "I'm just not sure about the show. Do you ever watch it?" she asked me.

I told her just in passing, as I didn't consider them "my people," but I pointed out that the show does put a spotlight on polyamory and sex workers, so it can't be all that bad!

I am a sucker for smart, confident, stylish, pretty and fierce women. My latest fascination is with punk pop princess Avril Lavigne, with her brooding stare, her bitch bratty attitude and her lack of giggly, girlish sexiness which is so everywhere. I think we'll be seeing more interesting transformations from her.

I joined in a Flash Dance street party the other day. These are part of the smart mob phenomenom, where emails and other forms of instant communication announce an impromptu event. We danced for 2 hours on Church and Market, with a booming bicycle-driven sound system and a flurry of friendly hipsters. Fun!

I'll be heading to New York until mid-June.

Live, lust, laugh and learn!