Wednesday, December 31, 2003

I am not one to rest on my laurels. There is so much still out there -- virgin territory ripe for exploration. To breathe in deeply of this life. Ah yes, more to come. . .

On to 2004. I see myself continuing to grow as a dominatrix. I also see myself becoming more directed with my blessed amount of free time. I'm heading back to school to study an array of new subjects, allowing it all to coalesce with my existing knowledge and lead me further. Evolving mind, body and spirit in a balance of rigor and playfulness. Developing my writing beyond this lovely little blog that's reignited the fire of words inside me. Discovering and re-discovering myself and the world around me. Carpe diem!

Monday, December 29, 2003

I caught the Sci Fi channel's remake of Battlestar Galactica. Much improved from the original cheesy series. I especially like what they've done with women's roles. Starbuck has transformed from a smooth-talking, good-looking man into a shit-talking, butch woman. The president is a brunette Hillary Clinton (As we start seeing more women presidents portrayed in the media, people will get more used to the idea and it will become a reality that much sooner). And the main cylon character is a cruel yet playful blonde bombshell who wields her sexuality as a dangerous weapon, manipulating a male scientist through his weakness for her scantily-clad body, and thereby causing the destruction of most of mankind. Definitely a hint of dominatrix in the role!

Saturday, December 20, 2003

Happy Holidays everyone! Many thanks for all the lovely gifts and cards. 2004 here we come. . .

Monday, December 15, 2003

I am collaborating with one of my slaves on a workplace scenario. What's fun about an office roleplay is the sense of restrictiveness that is so much a part of the business world. I know because I use do the 9 to 5 thing myself. There is something about working in an office that can seem positively victorian. In the end, it probably is the best way to get things done -- making sure people's minds are not elsewhere, distracted by thoughts of pleasure! There was a certain giddiness in living a double life. At the office, being Clark Kent: glasses, drab, loose-fitting clothes. And on my own time, turning into Superman: fabulous, funky-sexy get-ups and crazed nights around the town.

I notice that there are some who submit to me have a tendency to think aloud certain thoughts that are better left unsaid. Perhaps some of it is nervousness. Or a sense that because they are revealing a side to themselves that is normally secret, that they can really "let their hair down." Yet I think it's important to measure one's words carefully when in the presence of your Mistress, so as to avoid putting your foot in your mouth.

We all make judgments about people. When looking for the perfect domme, it necessarily involves a process of assessing and evaluating one's options. Yet when it comes to the physical specifications which factored into one's decision, I'd rather not have a detailed play-by-play. e.g. "Well I thought you looked hot in your pictures and I have a thing for Eurasians. I was afraid you might be too skinny for my taste, but I decided to give it a try." Don't you think that most Mistresses would be put off by being categorized and objectified in this way? I mean, this is best left unsaid.

Even more distressing is when someone who submits to me uses the occasion of our chatting afterwards to compare my "performance" to that of another Mistress'. What makes this distasteful is that it frames a dominatrix as some sort of product, and furthermore, fosters competitiveness between ladies. I am grateful for feedback on what in a scene went well and what didn't quite work. But I think that most serious dommes would agree that the core of one's nature is what is presented when one dominates. As such, information similar to market research surveys will not really shape what activities I decide to engage in.

Now I know that there are men out there that do see themselves as consumers and prodommes as a product. They are usually hobbyist of all sorts of erotic services, typically seeing professional domination as a nice break from the vanilla fare. And one has every right to see things this way. Perhaps if I were a man, that's how I'd be. But that's neither here nor there.

There are many interpretations of one reality. And in my universe, I am the consumer and my slaves are the product -- to be consumed by me, used and abused for my pleasure, then sent along on their merry way. One of my prodomme friends likes to imagine that she is the one paying to be allowed to dominate her slave. As she gets ready for the scene, she thinks about how much fun she will have with her paid submissive. Now that's a neat trick! You see, for true dommes it really is about our fantasy fulfillment.

Bless you all for playing it my way. . .

Saturday, December 13, 2003

I went to Good Vibes the other day to pick up some Xmas goodies for my friends and co-workers. I couldn't help getting a few items for myself (actually, they are for you my submissives!) Alligator clamps, tweezer clamps and little plastic clips for nipple torture fun. More black gloves. Oh and I also picked up a funnel set at the hardware store for water sports. SM flea market had a few gems as well -- a short riding crop, a set of black and red bone claws that fit over my finger tips, and a couple of small blunt knives to scrape off wax drippings. All for my pets ;-) A nice twist to the usual holiday shopping!

Sunday, December 7, 2003

There are signs that things are getting interesting. I read an article in the November GQ about Eddie Izzard -- a renowned British comedian and star of Broadway who also happens to be a transvestite. An excerpt from his stand-up act: "Yes, I wear women's clothes, but I fancy girls. I'm a male lesbian, you could say. A male tomboy. A running, jumping tree-climbing transvestite." The article starts out: "You do not have a place in your brain for Eddie Izzard. That's because a heterosexual, lipstick-wearing, unicycle-riding comic genius with Rod Stewart's shage and Mick Jagger's mojo has never walked the earth -- until now" Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that someone like this has never been noticed and accepted by the mainstream?

If you go to, you'll see that one of the six chart-topping adult videos is Shemale Domination Nation. It features award-winning porn star female Belladonna playing with Brazilian shemales and male stud Nacho Vidal in hot three-ways (though in keeping with mainstream porn tradition, the cocks don't actually play with one another). It's up there with Up and Cummers and Rocco's Initiations as a top-selling movie. Just a few years ago, mainstream porn stars in scenes with transsexuals would have been unthinkable.

We've gotten to a point where homosexuality is almost completely acceptable. Will & Grace, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, court victories over marriage and sodomy laws. So it would seem a fitting next step to start opening broader society's eyes to even greater diversity in sexuality.

Gender-bending has been around forever and is an acceptable part of some traditional cultures. So it's about time for modern society to catch up. When I try to explain to people that I feel strap-on play is a transgendered experience for me, I sometimes get a blank stare. I think it can be more difficult for people to accept these in-between states. Not completely feminine or masculine -- and no desire to go there either. Limbo can be a destination.

Saturday, December 6, 2003

A few words of appreciation to my sweet submissive in Los Angeles who gave me the writer's tool kit. The birthday card was also a real kick :-)

I got to play with a TENS unit for the first time the other day. TENS stands for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. It's a medical device used for things like long-term back pain. It sends an electrical current through the muscles in different modes and has a scale of intensity from 1-10. I liked the bursts and the one that felt like a bloom. I tried it on myself before using it on my submissive (kudos to RFP man for introducing me to the joys of electroplay). We applied it to the top of the back of my thighs. Wow! I've never enjoyed vibratory sensation but this was different and better. It left my fingers tingling afterward. Later that night, I had a "flashback" -- my muscle retained a memory of the sensation that played back as I drifted to sleep. And it was great for CBT. Torture by remote control! Well then, something to add to my list for Santa ;-)

As my blog has becomes more popular, in some ways it's become more difficult to write. Not because I have writer's block, but because I feel like I have to be more careful in what I say. So let me just state for the record that whatever musings you may find here are just that. My core philosophy, expectations, rules and other information can be found on my xia-bdsm website. But here my remarks may be a bit off-the-cuff, sometimes more a seed an idea than a completely evolved thought. And sometimes I change my mind! So don't take it as the 'word of Goddess'. It's meant to be the starting point for discussion, as well as a peak into my many facets.

Thursday, December 4, 2003

FYI I'll actually be taking sessions from 10am to 5pm next Wednesday the 10th rather than 3-10pm. I'll be heading to a holiday gathering with some of the other local dominas later that evening - fun!


Did you know? Xia means "glow of sunrise or sunset" in Chinese.

Tuesday, December 2, 2003

OK now that I'm settled down a bit, I'd first like to state that Mistress Pandora is one of the coolest people - let alone dommes - that I've ever met. It was a pleasure and a privilege to play and hang out at Wicked Garden. I think I'm even missing her little dogs. Thanks to Pandora & company for the warm hospitality and for gifting me with the "Love Spirals Down" CD - perfect scene music.


A couple of things of note for sessions at The Gates. First-time clients are double-booked. This is because it's so common to have no-shows. This is not so much the case for me, so instead sometimes you may find that you've been bumped. To avoid disappointment, contact me directly so I can help coordinate things. Also, if you have never sessioned with me before, I much prefer our initial meeting to be a one-on-one experience rather than a double session. That way, you can have my undivided attention as we get acquainted with one another.

Monday, December 1, 2003

I just got back in town from my trip down south. I've written and rewritten two entries just now and somehow deleted them both! So I'm calling it quits for now and will post more later. Good to be back in Oz :-)