Sunday, April 27, 2003

I've got two words for you: Masuimi Max. Wow.


OK so I take back what I said earlier about Slippery Stuff lube. It's good with gloves on, but without it can make your fingertips turn into little prunes. My old favorite is Liquid Silk -- more expensive but worth it for the nice, creamy look and feel. Yes, it does bear a passing resemblance to you know what, you slut!


Over and out.

Friday, April 25, 2003

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
- Voltaire

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

As I perused the second issue of American Domme magazine, I came across an article geared towards the prodomme clientale which listed ways to tell whether your domme is the "real thing" or a "poser". One of the points of the piece was a critique of women who began their careers as submissives, as well as those who do switch sessions with their clients. The professional dominatrix who wrote the article implied that a true domme is naturally dominant on virtually every occasion, and would therefore not be comfortable in either of these scenarios. I take issue with this overly rigid view of what makes a true dominant. I do believe that a dominatrix in her prime is a woman who takes the most delight in controlling, guiding and initiating. But I also think that to get there she has to understand the mindset of the submissive from the inside out -- what makes them tick, what turns them on, what motivates them to be a good slave. If she's never experienced what it's like to be the bottom, I think it can be much harder to feel compassion, empathy and build a real connection. Some may argue that all women in a male-dominated society have experienced submission. Yet forced societal oppression is quite different -- and definitely not as fun -- as voluntary power exchange and roleplay. I believe experience in the latter is an important tool in the dominant's psychic arsenal.

Thursday, April 17, 2003

I was talking the other day with one of my friends who is an independent domme. She was asserting that the primary societal function of our calling was to re-integrate those teetering on the edge of true pathology, help them to accept their particular kink and realize that they can still be a morally upstanding member of society. This was an intriguing assertion. I agree that this is one role a prodomme may play, though I think it applies to a small minority of those who serve them. The vast majority of those who see a professional dominatrix are just looking to fulfill their fantasies in new and fun ways. But in terms of seriousness of intent, this may be the most important contribution of our work. It seems to be a common pattern -- that when some behaviour is castigated as morally reprehensible, those who participate in said behaviour act morally reprehensibly. The act of cutting them loose from societal standards of right and wrong frees them from having to act with ethics. In the case of sex and drug use between consenting adults, I would argue it's the state of being outcast rather than the action itself which causes people to act in unscrupulous ways. On a side note, let's not forget how closely linked sex and morality (or lack thereof) are perceived to be in our society. I was just reminded of it when I looked up synonyms for "immoral" on dictionary.com and two of the words that came up were "pornographic" and "x-rated".

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

I've been reading about the G-spot and female ejaculation. It's interesting how misinformation and mystery have surrounded women's sexual anatomy through out time. Modern human sexuality ignored these dual, related phenomena until the publication of The G Spot in 1982. And to this day, many mistakenly believe that female ejaculation is really just urination in the heat of the moment. In my years of exploration within alternative sexual subcultures, I have had the privilege of witnessing first-hand the amazing and joyously hot sight of a female ejaculatory orgasm. During my more innocent college days, I had never even heard of such a thing. Yet now, I have several good friends who are "squirters." In my observation, it does seem that a higher proportion of women who can do this are active within sexually liberated social circles. It makes sense to me.
Of course, where once the pendulum swung too far in one direction (i.e. denial of the existence of the G-spot and/or female ejaculation), now it swings in the other direction. There's a lot of hype now, with popular lines of porn featuring "rain women", "gushers" and the like. But before we all crumple under performance pressure, know that many of those performances are rigged. One trick is to pour a small bottle's worth of water into the actress' vagina while she is on her back. Then on cue, she contracts her muscles to forcefully push the liquid out. Quite the party trick, but definitely not female ejaculation.

Monday, April 14, 2003

Still wrestling with my taxes -- now that's real torture!


I've been thinking about the origins of of my own kinkiness, as well as how BDSM and gender-play differ from more vanilla explorations. It's often about playing with what others take so damn seriously. Shining a light in those dark corners, yet rather than exclaiming "Evil reigns here!", we laugh and joke, tease and twist, and bask in the glory of it all. I took a workshop from the Fetish Diva Midori a few months ago that made me re-examine influential experiences in life. One that I hadn't really perceived in this way before was my membership in a local sorority in college (If you wanted to join, you were automatically accepted, so it was more of a social club for women rather than the traditional, exclusive sorority). Similar to Midori's tenure in the U.S. military, my participation in this group allowed me to indulge in my fetish for heirarchy and order, among other things. I especially enjoyed the pledge period with the requisite hazing from our older sisters as well as some of the fraternities. At the time, I loved playing the role of the submissive pledge. We were given embarrassing nicknames, had to fetch things for our superiors, recite memorized lines, and publicly humiliate ourselves in other good, fun ways. Of course, rather than demonstrate an endurance for pain, we had to show our ability to drink lots and lots of liquor! Mind you, these days all my play is safe, sane and consensual -- so much better that way :-)

Friday, April 11, 2003

I recently acquired my first latex rubberware -- a basic black tank minidress and a Skin Two long wrap skirt. Wearing rubber is so much fun. Every time I put a piece on, I feel like Catwoman or some other cool superhero. I've signed up to take some classes in how to make latex clothing, so hopefully soon I'll be able to create a few customized outfits. We've been joking at the house about making matching Gates outfits, ha ha :-) Well, I do love the uniform look, but only when I'm the only one wearing it!

Thursday, April 10, 2003

A friend loaned me her collection of Michael Manning graphic novels. He is well-known among the fetish community for his BDSM, pansexual-themed illustrations depicting femme dommes, sex slave training, beastly creatures, androgyny and much more. His work is beautifully wild and wicked. Some of the stories don't really seem to make any sense, but the pictures are hot! If you'd like to see for yourself, I've added my picks to the book list on xia-bdsm.com.

Wednesday, April 9, 2003

Props to my fellow Gates domme Mistress Clarissa Young for inspiring me to start my own blog. And while I'm at it, thanks also to my slave who gave me a gift certificate to Good Vibrations. I bought some fun goodies -- they are having a sale until April 11th where they pay the sales tax so it was a good time to shop. I bought a big bottle of Slippery Stuff lube, which we use at The Gates. It's water-based without glycerin so it's not sticky and won't damage silicon toys. It was supposedly originally formulated to slip into wet suits. I love it when everyday products are put to kinky uses. Anyways, I also purchased a pair of vibrating, adjustable nipple clamps to use on my submissives, tit torture being one of my favorites :-)


I went with a friend who got into a long, involved discussion with people working there about what makes a quality dildo. Good Vibes mainly carries silicon toys. My friend doesn't like them because they are quite porous on the surface, which can be irritating and also leave yucky post-play buildup. The sales clerks said that's why a condom should always be used. But my friend doesn't want to have to use condoms for his personal toys. He also hates how all the new toys have big heads on them, says that can rip up his anus. He actually likes the cheaper dildos available at your old school, sleazy sex shop. I wonder if he is alone is his views? Are the new, hand-crafted, expensive toys better than the stuff mass made in China and sold for "novelty purposes only" or are they overrated? I told him he should get the materials to make his own toys if he really wants to be satisfied! When someone has a passion for something, and a clear vision of what they want to create, that's often when you get the best products.

Tuesday, April 8, 2003

I have a very good friend who is a general practitioner MD. We sometimes laugh about the odd similarities between our chosen professions. She has patients and appointments. I have clients and sessions. She is in a position of authority over her patients, typically in a one-on-one interaction. As the mistress, I hold similar powers over my slaves in a similar setting. At times, we both don gloves and internally probe. Each of us has also had amazing, touching experiences of making a real connection (as well as the rare gross-out horror story). Neither of us can work a 40-hour week because what we do is so intense. And for both of us, there is the element of healing and creating balance in what we do.

Monday, April 7, 2003

On the subject of anal play and enemas... Cleansing oneself with an enema can be a good thing before anal play. It's best to do it at least 2 to 3 hours before you are penetrated, to ensure proper absorption and/or expulsion of all the liquid. I recommend using warm water only. The various chemicals in many solutions can be harsh to your lining. It's easy to empty out a Fleet (available at any drug store), rinse it out and fill it up with plain water. Try to avoid overdoing it with the enemas, as this can lead to premature soreness during play. If you have a good diet with lots of fiber, you should be pretty clean anyways. Unless of course, you plan on getting very internal with an activity such as fisting.


During anal play, it's important to take long, slow and deep breaths to really open yourself up. If you've ever done yoga, you know what I'm talking about. You know, it always kills me when I see a porn where the man sticks his finger up the woman's ass without any lube. It's obvious to me that the actress has inserted some lube up herself off screen. But I worry that many viewers are led astray by this portrayal and actually think that there is some sort of natural lubrication in the anus. And I have heard more than a few horror stories where the person unexpectedly and painfully realized that their play partner was trying to finger them down there completely dry. This can be a serious party pooper, since once irritated it's usually out of commission. The key to anal play is lots of lube, a high level of trust between the players, an understanding of the body's workings, and the use of subtle relaxation techniques. I recommend incorporating this type of play in sissy slut training and I strongly believe that it should never be done so forcefully or roughly as to cause sharp pain -- not my kind of sadomasochism! For more info about anal health and care, check out my book recommendations on my site.

Sunday, April 6, 2003

I recently met up with Stephanie Swift (Note: beware of Wicked Pictures pop-ups if you click on this link), once known as the "sweet lil' pervert" of porn, who I've been acquainted with for a few years. She's been successful in the adult video business for 8 years -- I think that really is a tribute to her strength and belief in herself, especially since she's always been completely natural with her look. She has to be one tough cookie to deal with the seedier aspects of that biz, yet at the same time she is truly a very sweet and nice person. It's funny that most people don't know that she is a hapa. Ethnic ambiguity can sometimes make one feel in limbo, though it often can work to one's advantage by allowing for versatility rather than inflexible categorizations.

Saturday, April 5, 2003

When I was out of town I had a chance to check out a club that was a hang-out for transsexuals. I met a few who did BDSM in addition to their regular services. Definitely interesting to interact with dommes of a different dimension. They don't need to strap it on -- they have the real thing! Speaking of t-girls, Joey Silvera has been putting out some high quality porns with them lately, even including genetic girls in some scenes. A funny and touching non-X-rated movie on the subject is Thailand's "Iron Ladies" which is based on the true story of a national championship volleyball team composed of crossdressers, transsexuals and gay men (over there they are all categorized together). It was the # 1 movie in that country and I highly recommend it.
I just got back in town from a week vacation -- that's why I hadn't posted. Diving back into sessions from time off is always a trip. Scenes are such a different reality when one has been steeped in the outside (i.e. vanilla) world.

Thursday, April 3, 2003

"How infinitesimal is the importance of anything I do, but how infinitely important it is that I should do it." Voltaire