Tuesday, April 22, 2003
As I perused the second issue of American Domme magazine, I came across an article geared towards the prodomme clientale which listed ways to tell whether your domme is the "real thing" or a "poser". One of the points of the piece was a critique of women who began their careers as submissives, as well as those who do switch sessions with their clients. The professional dominatrix who wrote the article implied that a true domme is naturally dominant on virtually every occasion, and would therefore not be comfortable in either of these scenarios. I take issue with this overly rigid view of what makes a true dominant. I do believe that a dominatrix in her prime is a woman who takes the most delight in controlling, guiding and initiating. But I also think that to get there she has to understand the mindset of the submissive from the inside out -- what makes them tick, what turns them on, what motivates them to be a good slave. If she's never experienced what it's like to be the bottom, I think it can be much harder to feel compassion, empathy and build a real connection. Some may argue that all women in a male-dominated society have experienced submission. Yet forced societal oppression is quite different -- and definitely not as fun -- as voluntary power exchange and roleplay. I believe experience in the latter is an important tool in the dominant's psychic arsenal.