Wednesday, April 28, 2004

I recently read an interesting article by Katy St. Clair in the East Bay Express about tantric educators. I was fascinated at the many similarities between how these women go about practicing their alternative sexuality as erotic work and how I perceive myself as a professional domina. You can check out the story for yourself at: http://www.eastbayexpress.com/issues/2004-04-21/feature2.html/1/index.html.

Below are some excerpts I found to be the most compelling, along with my comments.


"In the Bay Area, there are dozens of tantric educators, most of whom lead workshops, write books, or hold retreats. Some go even further and hold private, one-on-one, or couple's sessions. They are mostly women, and depending on their preference, typically refer to themselves as a "high priestess," "tantric coach," "tantric educator," "Tantrika," or "goddess." Just don't call them sex workers."

Similar to these tantrikas, through my writing in this blog and on my xia-bdsm.com site as well as my recordings on Keen, my role as professional domina extends beyond individual sessions to reach out to the community and educate. With regards to the term "sex workers," while I applaud its use in a political sense as a tool of solidarity, I personally describe what I do as erotic work because I do not have sex in a professional scene.


"We had just finished talking about how Bast separates would-be clients who truly desire to learn tantra from those looking for fast kicks. "That was one of them," she said of the call. He was looking for something she said she didn't want to offer: pure sex. It was the type of call that she said usually ends with her telling them "I don't think I'm a good match for what you are looking for."

Like Bast, I am quite open to connecting with many different types of people, but one thing I do require is that they be a serious seeker of female domination, willing to submit to my powers, and not simply looking for a sexual service provider. I have a disclaimer on my xia-bdsm.com site that states: Though professional dominas often advertise in the same venues as escorts, sensual masseuses and other erotic services, there are important distinctions in how we approach our craft (e.g. most of us do not consider ourselves "providers").



"They view themselves as healers and see the act as a teaching tool to let their client move further into tantric bliss. Then there are the women who simply put bindis on their foreheads, declare themselves a "goddess" on their Web sites, and appear to charge by the hour for specific sex acts. "

I recently made the decision to complete strap-on play to those who have been seeing me on a regular basis. The main reason for this change was my coming to recognize the deeply intimate nature of this act and the bond that it creates. As such, I wanted to reserve it as a special reward for those who are truly devoted. All of this speaks to my desire to acknowledge and engender the sacred in what I do. In some ways, SM play and tantric practice seem to be two sides of the same coin. And I think in all of these esoteric erotic practices, you will find those who sincerely believe in the philosophy they put forth, and those who are simply posing for the money. I have been told many times that what sets me apart is how genuine I seem. When I dominate, there is no act. Rather, you are being privileged to a divine glimpse of a rare combination of beauty, perversion and intellect.



"Most teachers know there are naysayers who scoff at what they do, laugh at their New Age approach to sexuality, or accuse them of being Shiva sellouts. They don't care."


I wrote a previous blog entry quite similar to the passage above but referring to professional domination. For us, there are the naysayers who think the SM is just a fancy cover for prostitution and scoff at the philosophy behind it. These are usually men who simply see us as "providers" with a twist. And then there are the SM people who project resentment at our perceived exploitation of their lifestyle. I have also run into a few men in the leather community who believe that all pro dommes are really submissives in need of conversion! Dream on. . .



Finally, we have the grand expert. In the case of tantra, that would be Margot Anand. Sadly, from what the article states below, it appears she is suffering from a bad case of top syndrome. In SM, that is when one's success as a dominant begins to get to one's head and the whole point of what one is trying to convey is lost in one's ego. There are many things I have learned in the past 2 years as a pro domme. And one of them is that things are not always what they seem. Sometimes the most applauded are not all they are cracked up to be, but may just the best marketers. And sometimes they are as great as they seem. Sometimes those in the shadows are quietly doing some of the best work. And sometimes there is a reason why no one has heard of them. C'est la vie.

"Margot Anand is the tantric expert and someone whom every tantric educator in America knows about. Her book The Art of Sexual Ecstasy is a must-read for every tantric student. Fiona studied under her, as did many other teachers. She is the mother of tantra in the West. Since tantric experts take great pains to move the discussion of their art form away from the purely sexual aspects of the practice and into its life-giving, spiritual rewards, one would think that a woman who had been practicing it for as long as Anand has would have the grace and serenity of the Buddha himself.

Not so. Anand was contacted for this story, but huffily declined to talk once she learned she wasn't the sole subject. "I should be featured prominently," she said, "not thrown in with a bunch of people I may or may not respect!" She also was upset at the idea of playing second banana to Joseph Kramer, who is profiled in the accompanying story. "I'm more important than Joseph Kramer!" she shrieked in her French accent. "I was the first on this scene. He is less important in scope!"

After more discussion and the suggestion that perhaps her ego had gotten the best of her, Anand decided that an interview would be okay if she was guaranteed a plug of her books or workshops. "Go see what you can do about that," she said crisply, as if talking to a servant.

Anand had a mantra alright, and it was "What's in it for me?," which she said quite a few times during our conversation.

"There are good therapists, and there are bad therapists," said one tantrika when told about Anand's attitude. "Not everyone has fully integrated their spirit like they say they have." Anand may be widely respected for her teachings, but not so for her immodesty. If the grand queen of tantra can't get her own karmic yin-yang balanced, then how can we trust anyone to teach us this stuff?"




Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I was just looking through Eros Guide Los Angeles as I know quite a few dominas are down there right now for DomCom. Beyond who was visiting, one thing that I noticed was how many of the local LA ads start off with the pro domme's measurements, height and hair color. Though none of the ads for the more established and well-known Angelena dommes (e.g. Goddess Sativa, Mistress Jessica Kane, Mistress Denee) include this information, there are still quite a few ads that do. Whereas in San Francisco, very few of the ads do so -- at least if you are referring to pro dommes rather than escorts. Interesting how it can be so culturally different from north to south. Certainly, I list my measurements on my site for those who are so inclined to care. Yet I can't imagine listing it as the most prominent information on the ad that first draws people to me. I suppose that speaks mainly to my desire to connect on more than simply the level of physical attraction. I want to play with your mind too :-)

Monday, April 19, 2004

FYI I just got back from out of town, so I have a backlog of emails I haven't responded to yet. Patience! ;-)

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Damn! The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show is cancelled for this year. And all because of the scandal over Janet's bejeweled breast during the Superbowl. Now they're really raining on my parade. Here's a link to the story- http://entertainment.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=155285

Last year's was one of the best things I caught on television. It's true, it was basically soft porn on network TV. But great for the grown-ups :-)

Now what really saddens me is the reaction of the National Organization for Women (NOW), whose spokesperson praised the cancellation and hoped it was permanent -- ostensibly because the show objectified women. "We're concerned young women think they have to look this way," she said.

I am a feminist, but the viewpoint of NOW actually offends me. The underlying message is that women are not strong enough to think for themselves, that we are all helpless victims of the media.

There is a streak of almost victorian prudishness that runs through this line of traditional feminist thinking. As if women cannot simply be turned on by watching sexy scantily-clad women prance down a runway, the same as men. This type of feminism also only sees the hetero point of view, where female bisexuality can only be a male fantasy.

That's why in college my feminist friends (both male and female) and I insisted on adding the adjective "sex-positive" before the label. Sex-positive feminism. To differentiate from the stereotype of the man-hating, anti-sex prude -- which sadly, is perpetuated by the National Organization for Women.

Monday, April 12, 2004

FYI - I will be unavailable this Friday the 16th.

Wednesday, April 7, 2004

I've got some nice feedback on the new pics. The poses are all vintage cheesecake style, the 50s pin-up look -- a nice change of pace. And now you can see how long my hair's grown out :->
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On a more serious note, I wanted to address the use of cuckoldry in my scenes. I recall seeing a thread on Max Fisch where many dommes and subs had the misconception that this type of play must entail explicit sexuality on the part of the Mistress. The attitudes expressed seemed so close-minded to me that I didn't bother to post my own thoughts on the matter (If after all the warnings and clarifications on my site, people still think I'll engage in explicit activities with my body, then you are just not listening!)

This is how cuckoldry works for me. By putting it out there as an interest, I have drawn some men who have been cuckolded in real life or have fantasies about it. In such a scene, I would draw out this fantasy/reality through a seductively probing interrogation, finding the juiciest tidbits in their perverted little heads and using that information to teasingly humiliate them. It is often integrated into the training of a slave to be a slut, as their cuckolded state is perfect for erotic submission, receptivity and service; e.g. cuckolds can make great cock-suckers :-)

Now I do think that past real-life experiences of cuckoldry can be really hot after the fact. Those currently experiencing real-life cuckoldry in a safe, sane and consensual manner are also in a good place. But no, I do not directly engage in cuckoldry. Sad but true: I do not allow slaves to watch me have sex, or clean up after the mess. And please, don't even think about verbally expressing your fantasies of having me cuckold you. I'll talk about how your girlfriend/wife/lover cuckolds you, but I won't play the part. I am your Mistress, and for me that means I am your slave/animal/slut trainer. And as far as I'm concerned, that's a pretty nice part to work with ;-)

Sunday, April 4, 2004

I just added a new gallery to xia-bdsm.com. The shots are from my vintage pin-up shoot. I also moved the latex glamour shots to this second gallery. Check it out. . .
Here is something I wrote up two years ago, literally two days after I started at The Gates. You'll see that from the very beginning I was enthusiastically envisioning my own dominion of rule. I called it Ode to My Slaves and it is still quite representative of how I feel. Enjoy :-)

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I will invade your senses with my rapturous presence. Your every movement, every breath will be mine. And I will bathe in the sweetness of your surrender. So incredibly lost in the delirium of my powers, you will be in my thrall. I will whisper in your dreams and fill them with dark pleasures.

The tantalizing flavor of perfection – torturously within reach yet utterly unattainable. Enslaved in your perversions, I shall exorcise your demons with my sadistic ways. For I too know what it is like to live in a world that does not understand.

We shall dance in damnation. Rebirth through destruction. A catharsis of your shame. Beautiful tears will show me your undying devotion. For I am your goddess above all else, who knows your pain and your joy. I will make you weep with both.

Take my hand. Do not be afraid. For the path is fresh and the hope is bright.
We will journey to a new world of possibilities. You will breathe in its luxuriance. Bask in its glow. And remember again what it means to be alive.