Thursday, February 26, 2004

If you have not seen it yet, I highly recommend the film Dangerous Beauty (1998) -- one of my absolute favorites. Here is an excerpt from a review:

"16th-century Venice, most women would either be wives, nuns or prostitutes.

A very fortunate, select few might become courtesans.

These beautiful women were schooled in all social graces as well as poetry, literature, music, politics and philosophy. They were the only women who were allowed to be a man's equal in public and in private.

Dangerous Beauty is the story of Veronica Franco, the most famous courtesan of her day. She entered the history books not because she beguiled the aristocracy of Venice but because she defied the Catholic Church.

How Franco found herself the subject of a witch-hunt and a landmark trial is one of the sub-plots of Dangerous Beauty, a sumptuous melodrama."
--from the Calgary Sun

So many themes hit upon in this film struck a chord with me. And that was true from the first time I watched it in the theaters several years ago, when I was still working in an office and doing "normal" work. I could relate to the main character's struggle to be recognized as a full-fledged, multi-dimensional human being, beyond the limiting categories of gender and social status. To be regarded not simply as an attractive accessory to men, but as someone who could stand on her own through the strength of her intelligence, skills, creativity and spirit. And at the same time, to celebrate the sensual without apologies for the fact that it is both pleasurable and profitable. And then there are the timeless forces of oppression: here in the form of the Inquisition, which thinks it has an easy target in this fiercely passionate and beloved woman. Well, that's about all I'll say. Go see it for yourself!


In many ways, I came well prepared when I embarked upon my career in professional domination. Yet one thing that did catch me off guard were the online review sites. It was strange to realize that anyone could surreptiously rate me as we scened together. In fact, one of the most high profile dommes in the area told me she was glad she retired before this process got rolling. For a brief time, I was a bit overly suspicious of certain types and uneasy at the thought that I was being spied upon (It also didn't help that a Seattle escort also named Xia was getting mixed up with me on one site. It took several emails to straighten this out and get my profile to accurately reflect the activities I do and do not get into!).

But I've made my peace with this system as best as I can. I understand people's desire to be as informed as possible. And while I find their typical tone to be on the disrespectful side, I think that can be attributed to the reviewer wanting to save face in front of his peers. After all, it's a rare day that most men would openly and publicly submit to a woman. I find it especially interesting that reviews rarely mention feminization, which is a fairly common form of domination -- particularly in concert with slut training, which is one of my specialities.

In the end, I cannot imagine anyone who sees me on a regular basis writing a review without consulting me. So the kind of person that would write a review without my knowledge is by definition going to be someone with whom I did not really connect with in the scene. The beauty of professional domination is that there are so many amazing women out there, all with their own unique take on things. And I certainly do not claim to be the right fit for everyone, nor do I desire to appeal to the lowest common denominator. Those who have taken the time to read my personal website and correspond with me know what I'm all about. If you are just looking at my photos and hoping to fulfill some Asian/Eurasian domme fetish, you will probably be disappointed as I do not easily fit into stereotypes. With a little homework, it's not hard to ascertain whether there is compatibility there.

It's really all a part of a larger trend. There's now a site called for college students to rate their instructors. I wouldn't be surprised if we get sites devoted to reviewing doctors, therapists, hair stylists and the like. Some say that the days of private interaction are fast coming to an end, what with the internet and other pervasive technologies. And so it goes. . .

Saturday, February 21, 2004

I just had the most gratifying exchange with one of my long-time submissives. He thanked me for progressively challenging him in his slave training. He said his explorations have influenced the other aspects of his life, inspiring him to tackle work and lifestyle issues with a new perspective. This is what it's all about for me. Truly making a positive impact!


Props to Mistress Naughtia, who I ran into the other night, for so graciously allowing me to have a bit of sadistic fun with her slaveboy. I was giddy from it! :-)

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Hello everyone, I'm back. I haven't had DSL access for the past week, so I'm just catching up with emails.

Friday, February 13, 2004

I've been asked a few times by concerned individuals if I get to screen those who come to serve me. Actually, my website acts as a very good filter. Ever since I put it up over a year ago, I've consistently seen people whose interests and philosophy match my own. It's a self-selecting process in that you read over my detailed explanations of my approach and it either jibes with your own or you move on. It would behoove most people to do their homework before going to the trouble of coming in for an appointment, so it's the rare day that I have a complete disconnect from the get-go. Occasionally, someone will come in who has read over my site but misinterprets some part of it. Even that experience is helpful, as afterwards I'll usually tweak my site to make my message more exact. In fact, I am constantly revising my site to fit my continually evolving style. So if you haven't read through it in a while, take another look. I also exchange emails with many potential submissives. What I write in this blog adds yet another dimension to it. And the receptionists are great at steering callers in the right direction, referring to our list of preferences as well as checking with us personally when possible.

Happy V-Day if you're into the hallmark holidays. Today, I'm celebrating Friday the 13th!

Thursday, February 12, 2004

I met a very sexy, very passable TS at a nightclub recently. She's so beautiful and photogenic that she's even done modelling as a woman. She likes to go out on dates with conservative businessmen, string them along for a while, then never put out -- because she never tells them she is not a biological woman! I don't condone her deception, but I can understand where she's coming from. When they think she's the "real thing," they are falling all over themselves to be with her. If they find out the truth, it's an entirely different matter. She says she's waiting for the trans-op technology to get even better. That in the decade or so that she's been taking hormones, every year she sees others come back from Thailand with more realistic looking and pleasurable feeling vaginas. It's like we're on pussy version 8.5 now! One reason she doesn't tell her suitors is that she wants to leave open the possibility of rekindling the romance after her surgery, with them none the wiser.

I've been to vanilla dance parties where the most outrageously sexy women there are actually transsexuals. When I see these totally clueless guys start to drool, I can't help but smile. I know this is wicked, but I love that look on their face when they find out the truth. What a gender bend ;-) Though in the end, it's often the women who are most unfriendly and unaccepting of a TS. I guess it's that feeling of not being able to compete. What made a difference for me was reading TS porn star Vanity's interview in Spectator -- how she just wanted to be loved and didn't understand why women hated her when they found out she had a cock. After that, I went up to her at a party and told her I appreciated what she'd said. She is a special person, super hot and really sweet.

I was proud of a couple of my guy friends the other night for clubbing it with me and another hot lady who happens to be a TS. These are beefy, sports-watching kind of guys who a few years ago would have been ashamed to openly associate with a transsexual (though not surprisingly, they've both made their share of trips to the Power Exchange and Divas for surreptitious play). So even though they knew what was between her legs, they just didn't care what people thought. I think that's so healthy. Every little subculture has these weird rules and no-no's. Even while they exude a sense of being anti-establishment and rebellious cool, there's judgment and the need to exclude. The last time I tried to be in the the "in" crowd was 7th grade. Since then, I've been content with the real outcasts and outsiders. She and I were dancing together and got hit on by this couple who were like, "Are you two lesbians?" What a fun, twisted world we live in. I like to joke that one day they'll be able to grow my clit into a cock over in Thailand. . . then again I think I'd miss my meow!

Sunday, February 8, 2004

Turning the personal into professional requires delicacy and awareness, whether one is an artist, writer, actor, dominatrix or any other vocation that involves baring one's soul. The balance of sharing something truly special with those who seek it, while at the same time keeping some things private, and also being mindful of practical matters. It's the challenge of creating a truly meaningful connection within a commercial context. These very challenges are part of what gives it an edge.

Saturday, February 7, 2004

I was procrastinating studying for my anatomy test the other day. Could you tell by all my random mini-entries? ;-) I'm excited to be exploring the sciences right now. Before, I used to be quite biased towards the humanities. In fact, I didn't see much value in maths or sciences, thinking of them as nothing more than rout memorization as opposed to the lofty intellectualism of history, literature and the social sciences. I was always into science fiction and reading non-fiction works about science and scientists, as I saw the important implications of technological development on our lives. But I gave up too quickly on the "boring" fundamentals. Now, I've come full circle and have developed an intense curiousity for the structure, rules and theories about the physical world. I am interested in cultivating even greater rationality through a solid scientific understanding of the world.

Time to go enjoy this beautiful day. . .

Thursday, February 5, 2004

Hey Mistress Clarissa! I don't know about that online test you have a link to in your blog, where you can see what world leader you most resemble. I'm sure you're happy with the results, as you got JFK. But guess who I got? Hitler!!! Ha ha ha, I gotta laugh at that one. On a positive note, the movie I am most like is Raiders of the Lost Ark -- it says I live for "adventure, fortune-hunting and danger." Here's the link for the tests. I think this means it's time to get off the computer now ;-)
In the past, I've been quite proud to say that I don't really watch TV. Why sit around watching other people's adventures when you can have your own? Yet I suppose now that I have a multi-site web presence, I have become a mediated experience for others. The difference is that I'm also real, meaning I can be a real part of one's life rather than just an illusive image and words. It's that web of connection that I care about, the people who surround me and make up my community. I have never been one to live vicariously through others, such as reading gossip about people I don't know.

I am from the bowels of Los Angeles -- land of the mediated experience. And I am a club kid at heart. One thing that irked me when trying to nightclub it there was this reticence to be Fabulous with a capital F. Perhaps we're helped along here by that wonderful Pride vibe. Whatever the reason, I enjoy going out and looking funky-sexy-outrageous without that questioning look of "And who do you think you are?" that is too often evident in Tinseltown. As if everyone just lives and breathes to emulate the lives of celebrities, and only they have a right to dress in truly unique or attention-getting attire. The desire to look and feel divine needs no ulterior motive, and does not necessarily imply competitiveness i.e. "I'm looking great to show my superiority and make you feel bad about yourself." Sometimes I get a whiff of that attitude here in the City, but I don't think this has to be the case.

Entertainers act out wild and stylish lives. Me and my comrades, we live it for ourselves, not for the cameras. I find it amusing when someone who's spent most of their life watching the screen sees some similarity in my club style and that of a celebrity, therefore concluding that I must be copying that famous person. I don't turn on the television to get my fashion tips. Looks evolve from the street, the clubs, dance culture and all these other cool subcultures, then are co-opted by the stars, not the other way around. Ah yes, the emperor wears no clothes . . .
Being a professional domina puts one in a very interesting position-- one that is easily misunderstood. I'm beginning to see the importance of the role of teacher in all of this. There is so much ignorance about the nature of our craft. From those who lump us together with prostitutes on the one hand, to those who see us as exploiting the SM lifestyle on the other. There will always be non-believers in every direction. I have learned not to be offended by other people's cluelessness, and to have patience with those receptive to discovering the truth of the matter. I think women have been so trained to react strongly at even the insinuation of being called a whore, that it can lead to blinding, destructive rage rather than bridge building and compassion. I am secure in who I am, what I do and do not do. For those with good intentions, it is often simply a matter of re-education.

Monday, February 2, 2004

What a superbowl. OK if you're not into sports, don't read this. I agree that there are a lot of good reasons to object to big league sports but none of them have to do with the actual game. The commercials and half-time show were crap. All the better. The game itself was beautiful and that's what matters. I was so happy to see two excellent teams where everyone was a good sport. No showboating, no mean-spirited antics. Just great playing. And even a sense of humility. Like a lot of things, a good ball game illustrates some important lessons in life. To be fierce, yet controlled. To be eager, yet calm. To be fired up, but not so much that the emotions turn performance into chaos. To be determined to reach your goals and principled in your efforts. To have heart. . . Uh-oh, I'm starting to sound all gushy now. Better sign off before I start singing some broadway tune ;-)