Tuesday, March 6, 2007

"Consistency is the Horror of the World"

With my recent independence has come a welcome shift in perspective: taking sessions feels much more like a fun, secret hobby and a lot less like a real job. Not spending three days a week crossing the bridge for an 8+ hour shift has freed up my schedule. This has allowed me the opportunity to delve into other work and interests, which in turn has made me even more appreciative of my session time while also motivating me to even higher standards of play. My questionnaire on my website has been a boon, assisting me in screening for the most suitable candidates for my particular style of domination.

"Consistency is the horror of the world," wrote Brenda Ueland. I love that quote because for me, each day brings its own realizations as I continually shift and flow. Some people think of a plan and stick with it no matter what. I prefer to combine reason with intuition, both thinking and feeling my way to the next level. And so my mind changes, which you may have witnessed in the reading of my blog. God forbid! I don't know why people act like it's the worst thing thing in the world to change one's mind. Ideas may be fleeting for me. But my passions, my committments -- those are unusually strong in me, inspiring loyalty and deep connection.

Before, I thought that being a full-time dominatrix was best. Don't we always think that whichever way we are currently doing something is best? Our silly mind chatter! It's really quite laughable if you don't take it all so seriously. I remember reading this quote from the porn star Francesca Le, who has been making movies since the early '90s. For most of her career she had un-augmented, very small breasts. Then a few years back she got breast implants. She was talking about picking female talent for a series she was directing and she said something like "There's nothing worse than a woman who's skinny and flat-chested." Whoa! Wasn't that you for most of your career, Ms. Le? We become so attached to whatever our current view is, even to the point of bashing our former incarnations. If we can't even accept our former selves, how are we supposed to have tolerance for anyone else?

It's about time! That's how I feel about broadening my career path. After four years of being exclusively a pro domme, certain patterns have become engrained. Come on, wouldn't you be a little spoiled too if you'd been worshipped, adored and served -- your virtues extolled in verse, your whims catered to with precious gifts and your every command taken as the word of the Goddess? Yet despite these small challenges, being Mistress Xia continues to be an incredibly enriching and rewarding experience. Certainly, most of what I have learned has been good. Inhabiting this role has imbued me with a graceful ease and self assurance in my own uniqueness, along with so much more. Yet I am glad that I made the decision to diversify at this point. I am looking forward to getting involved in traditional business again (oh that's going to make all the rest seem that much more naughty!) and I've been working on my non-Xia writing as well. It's all about balance. I think that will only make me a better Mistress. Now the hours I spend in the dungeon are simply a time of joyful immersion in Mistress-slave play, with submissives I enjoy and who truly get me.