I see myself as a natural at what I do because of how I came to be a domina. It really was a convergence of many different aspects of my life, all of them leading to this direction. These forces included my passion for the erotic, my fascination with strong sensation, my enjoyment of unique fashions and my identification as a feminist.
In terms of the erotic, I have been a consumer of pornography since I was a teenager. I used to read those cheap smut novels. I even thought I might end up writing the stuff for a living. And dirty magazines were pretty easy to find. So from an early age I was seeing the sexual from the point of view of the male gaze -- traditionally, the one who dominates and penetrates.
Strong sensations have also been an integral part of my life. As a small child, I always had to have my swing. Then later on it was roller coasters. I guess you could say I've always been a thrill-seeker. Now I have SM play. I recently got pulled into a public scene for the first time. From the moment I laid hands on the sub, I felt this incredible rush starting from the top of my head. It's truly an amazing feeling.
How I really got started with this scene is through the fashion. As a pansexual polyamorist, I had been attending events with an alternative theme for some time. It was through these gatherings that I met a handful of gorgeous women who were dressed in the most outrageously fabulous outfits. They often wore wigs and very high platforms, with strangely restrictive fabrics that altered their walk and gave them an otherwordly quality. It turned out that they were fetish models wearing latex rubber couture and the like. I was inspired and began accumulating my own fetish wardrobe. And this was how I first met and mingled with professional dominas.
By the time I was in junior high, I had already identified myself as a feminist. So issues of power and gender have always been important to me. Though I now find many of the stances of organizations like NOW (National Organization for Women) to be faintly archaic, I continue to use the term feminist because it lets others know that I do not follow conventionally accepted mores in the male-female social dynamic. I also see a large part of what I do as revealing to men what has traditionally been women's role by guiding them in the direct experience of being submissive, receptive and masochistic. I admit that feeling misunderstood because of false perceptions of me based on my gender fueled the flames of anger in me. Coming into my own as an SM dominant allowed me to transform that rage into calculated cruelty. Now, I do not strike out in anger. Rather, there is gratitude in my heart for the suffering my slaves offer me. I honor them for their courage -- the kind of courage women have had for a long time.
So where I am now makes perfect sense. It's a natural evolution of the many paths I have explored. And it is what gives me a commanding grace and intuition when I am at my best.