Tuesday, November 28, 2006


A great martial arts master once said that a true warrior will spend as much time learning how to heal as she does learning how to fight. And it is also said that true strength comes from working on one's weaknesses. Balancing yin and yang, we can more fully embrace the subtlety and complexities of life.

So with this in mind, I have embarked on a journey of learning the healing arts alongside my continued explorations as a domme. I have said before that being a dominatrix comes quite naturally to me. Ever since I can remember, I have been an assertive, strong-willed and confident person. These qualities serve me well in my work as a dominant. And now I feel compelled to broaden my outlook, pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone and allowing myself to get in touch with a more nurturing side.

I have come to realize how my own desire to appear "strong" has influenced my choices in life. I exuded a steely hardness in my personality so as not to be perceived as a fragile, weak, or any of the other adjectives we too often associate with femininity.

Yet lately I have come to question this conventional view of strength vs. weakness and consequently how I have embodied dominance in my craft. Have I simply internalized the sort of oppression that we have only recently started to shed? Does my power have to rely on the subjugation of another's will?

Perhaps dominance does not simply have to be a reversal of male dominance, but can be a complete re-defining of power dynamics. I am far from clear what that new definition would be. But I am excited to pursue this new line of inquiry.

It's strange though, how fear of change still nags me. I have been so successfully rewarded for being the way that I am, that a little part of me clings to it. I have cultivated that which makes me different from most women -- my emotional stoicism; my boldness regarding sexual matters; my lack of interest in traditionally "girly" things like make-up, the color pink or women's magazines; my disdain for hearing perfectly fine-looking women show their insecurity when talking about their looks and weight. I cringe at the thought of losing my uniqueness. Yet in the end, I know that my evolution will not take away from who I already am, only build upon it, enhancing the best aspects while shedding vestiges of a more immature self.

Of course, there is a time and place for developing traits of tenderness, a soft touch and healing energy. Just as the warrior knows that the time to heal is not in the heat of battle, I doubt I will be directly incorporating my new knowledge into my SM scenes. Indirectly, I look forward to an increased awareness of how energy plays a role in power exchange and even greater empathy towards my submissives. But this is all conjecture, for where this takes me has yet to be written.

Wide open to the possibilities. . .