Saturday, October 7, 2006


I sometimes feel like if I were born in another time I would have been branded a witch. For my unwillingness to submit to a man, for the strength of my character, for my confidence in my own abilities, for my unapologetic hunger for the sensual, for my fierce intelligence and for my intuitive powers of seduction. I imagine being branded the devil's consort and condemned for fear of the world I represent.

It never ceases to amaze me how some men who have seen me seem to think that behind my role as dominatrix lies a simple, conventional woman. That I am really just waiting for the right man -- a knight in shining armor to save me from this debauchery.

I have known for a long time that I am not like most women. And I don't say this because I believe I am better than the norm. I don't mean to demean the many women out there who strive to find a husband, dream of walking down the aisle in a white dress like a princess, and fetishize the role of wife and mother. Obviously this fantasy plays an important part in our society, otherwise it wouldn't have withstood the changes which have taken place since the feminist movement of the '70s.

I think it's much easier for men to exempt a woman from all the backward, traditional rituals which still make up modern male-female interactions when the woman calls herself a lesbian. And I know other dommes who, though they may sleep with men as well as women, define themself as queer. Yet somehow this seems to avoid the main issue to me: that there is another way for men and women to interact intimately. That even if a woman enjoys being erotic with a man, that doesn't necessarily mean she wants to be wined and dined, given flowers and candy, her precious beauty flattered endlessly, her very being treated like a prized possession waiting to be taken. These trappings of romance do little for me if not outright offend my sensibilities.

At times I like to think of myself as a gay man in a woman's body. When I visualize my dealings with men in an almost non-gendered way, I feel the most power. The dogma underlying how a woman is expected to act with a man is inculcated in all of us from day one. I find myself having to remain constantly vigilant of its creep. It's a sad reality that sometimes the more familiar a slave becomes with me, the more he thinks he can relax back into an everyday male-female dynamic, which by virtue of our patriarchal society is more male domme than femme domme or even equal. And so there is continual correction of this behaviour, shifting the energy back into these roles which I find so much more appealing in the first place.

Well, don't lament too much for me. I feel fortunate to have created a space (online and in the dungeon) to express how I feel things should be -- if not for everyone, at least for me!

©2006 Xia Vox. All Rights Reserved.