Friday, February 5, 2010

The Question of Authority

Several months ago, I started doing over-the-phone counseling and consultations. I have a few different listings, the most popular one being my expert advice on alternative sexualities. It's really quite striking how different it is to chat with men about issues of sexuality using the label of sexual health advisor, as opposed to Mistress. The sense of deference, respectfulness and professional decorum I had wanted and expected as a domme is now there for me. It would seem that as I journey toward becoming an "expert" in the conventional sense, I am finally finding the level of interaction which most suits me.

It is a shame that as a dominant woman, it is so hard to be taken seriously. When men would call me up as Mistress Xia, there would so often be rudeness and a passive-aggressive undertone, with the presumption that letting it all hang out sexually was completely acceptable and without the need to ask for permission. Well, look at the difference between the so-called legitimate telephone advice sites and adult phone sites like Niteflirt - that says it all.

One interesting development in advising as a sex expert is the predominance of men who call wanting to discuss their first sexual experience with another man. of course, I get my fair share of callers who are into kink in one form or another. Yet this other group of men is new to me, in that they certainly did not reveal themselves in any great number during my session days. They are typically in their 40s or 50s, and often had never really entertained the thought of doing such a thing until spontaneously availing themselves of a serendipitous opportunity. Yet in the act itself, they find liberation through an unmatched intensity of eroticism and hang-up free pleasure-taking.

While I suspect some have had these inclinations lying dormant, without their conscious awareness, in discussing their previous interactions with women, I detect a pattern of submissiveness on the men's part and frigidity on the women's part. These men seem to be in need of having the other party be the aggressor, and not a lot of women fit the bill. Moreover, many American women are still quite repressed in their sexual expression, afraid that if they do more than just lay there they will be taken for a slut. And so it makes sense that as some men turn the corner toward middle age, and find that they have never really satisfied their sexual urges in an uninhibited, balls-to-the-wall kind of way, that they would turn to another man.

Sometimes gender roles can be such a troublesome barrier to having hot sex. And so not having to worry about that particular power dynamic can feel incredibly freeing. I am happy to report that pretty much everyone I have talked to on the subject is only minimally distressed by this development, and they typically leave the conversation feeling even better about it than before. For the most part, they are at peace and simply want to be able to express this secret joy with someone, knowing that it probably wouldn't make the best water cooler conversation with the other boys in the office.

I'm so jazzed to be back blogging. There are all these thoughts and ideas, big and small, that I'd like to share. That tap of creative energy has been turned back on and I am feeling like myself again. Thanks universe!